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Original poster

I'm so so sorry

211 replies

essbee · 09/03/2005 02:09

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
MadameButterfly · 09/03/2005 10:52

I hate not having net access at home. If I had I might have realised just how bad you were feeling.

I am sitting here in the library trying hard not to cry at what has happpened.

You have my numbers,PLEASE call me if you want to chat.

Sponge · 09/03/2005 10:53

Of course you mustn't apologise. If you hadn't asked for help then you might not be here now and your children might not have a mother. You should never feel you can't ask for help, epsecially when you get to feeling so low that you can't see a way out by yourself.
Good luck for the next few days. Try to stay strong and do not be too proud to ask for any help you need - you know that people are only too happy to give it.

deegward · 09/03/2005 10:54

essbee, just a quick note we are all rooting for you, and care deeply about you. D x

ks · 09/03/2005 10:54

This reply has been deleted

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ks · 09/03/2005 10:54

This reply has been deleted

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bunny3 · 09/03/2005 10:54

essbee, I have been in a similar place to you many years ago but with time and support, things did improve and now I have a life that I cherish. I know it probably seems unlikely to you right now but it will get better, I promise you.

Hayls · 09/03/2005 10:56

I haven't posted about you before but want to say I hope you are OK and no need to apologise. I think you are very brave

Kayleigh · 09/03/2005 10:56

Essbee, sending you hugs. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for honey. {{{{XX}}}}

Gwenick · 09/03/2005 10:58

No need to apologise - look after yourself xxxx

lisalisa · 09/03/2005 11:00

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piffle · 09/03/2005 11:03

Ess it only occured to me as I was talking to my dh about my struggle and suicidal thoughts (I am ont ready to talk here about mine) recently that it suddenly clicked who it was, it was gutting, I think you're delightful and am so so sorry it got this bad.
You did the right thing, you let people know, that shows you did the right thing in the end
I have been so worried about you last night and today and would like to thanks lou and soupy and everyone else who helped you.
If you need a break anytime no pressure, just a mate please please come and stay I have lots of room and would love to see you.
Take what we give you too, we INSIST!!!
Love love and big strong hugs
Jane xxxxx

Miaou · 09/03/2005 11:11

Essbee - I am sitting here crying with relief that you are ok. I hadn't worked out that vlost was you, but I care about all mumsnetters and I was so sad that you had got into such a position.

Please, please, use us for as much support as you need, you will see from the responses you are getting that we all want to help you. After all, we know you would do the same for us!

Big hugs to you. You will make it.

Prufrock · 09/03/2005 12:05

essbee - you have nothing to apologise for. The people who need to apologise are those who brought you so low that you felt this desperate. Please do take all the help you are offered - think of it as payment for all the crap you've had to deal with.

Twiglett · 09/03/2005 12:21

Well Essbee I think you're fabulous and you Will get through this

I can't for a second imagine how I would get through what you've been through

I really don't feel you need to apologise for anything. I do think you need to take whatever help is offered you to get through this time, and that includes the mumsnet collection (which is a visible sign of just how much you are appreciated round here)

thinking of you

Papillon · 09/03/2005 12:24

Essbee I agree with FF that you are in charge of your own destiny and looking out for yourself first is the most important thing. Only then can you help others. Isn´t there a saying... to help others you must first help yourself. The oxygen mask analogy was perfect.

Take care xx

charleypops · 09/03/2005 12:32

Essbee, I hope you continue to get stronger. Please keep posting. You'll know when you've the strength to read these threads how much people care about you. I'm so sorry you were hurt by the comments from that ONE poster on the other thread which you had the misfortune to see as soon as you logged back on. She is depressed and has issues herself.

I hope she can come back to MN for support if she needs it. When you're feeling bad, it can be hard to find compassion for others. Depression is not nice and has many very unattractive manifestations. I'm sorry you and Titiania got caught up in it like that and I hope you can both see those comments for what they were and not be hurt by them.

Lots of ((hugs)) x

wobblyknicks · 09/03/2005 12:36

Essbee - you have nothing to be sorry for. If other people think badly of you then that's their problem, it doesn't make them right. People have collected for you because THEY wanted to, and it was totally up to them, you didn't ask or expect so it's no 'fault' of yours. You did what you felt you had to because you were desperate and no-one should judge you for it. Many of us have felt in the same position at sometime or another and if we haven't we should at least be human enough to empathise. 'There but for the grace of god go I' and all that.

You concentrate totally on yourself and leave everyone else to do whatever they feel is best.

Hope you feel better soon xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

ponygirl · 09/03/2005 12:41

Nothing to apologise for, Essbee, we're just so glad you're back! Please please please take the collection: everyone here wants to help you and this is one way we can do it. You've got great friends here and in RL . Look after yourself and take the help and support of people who love you - there are lots of them. xx

fisil · 09/03/2005 12:42

Essbee, so good to hear from you. DP and I were so worried for you (he constantly asks when we're going to invite you over ... you seem to have a fan, but hands off, I saw him first!)

I am around the whole time, but as that's because I'm off work with depression, I don't know whether I can be a good friend to you at the moment. But I am very good at sitting and crying, if you ever need anyone to do that with!

Amanda3266 · 09/03/2005 13:02

Hi essbee,

Don't let yourself think about attention seeking - you weren't. I've suffered from depression too and I know how miserable it made me and I wasn't as ill with it as you have been. Depression is hideous, horrible, painful, isolating and self-confidence bashing. It stops you from being able to function and cope with the everyday things. When you feel like this it's only right that people should rally round and offer support which I think is what everyone here is wanting to do. Don't analyse it at all - just accept it and concentrate on getting better.
We're all thinking about you - I didn't know who it was until today but I'm just so glad you posted here so that people knew your situation. I don't live near you otherwise I'd gladly ofer practical help but I know that you do have very good friends sround you which is the important thing.
Your children love and adore you and that's unconditional. Don't worry too much about what they are experiencing - children are very adaptable and have more inner strength than we often give them credit for. The important thing to them is that you are around - trust me on this as I had a crap childhood with a Mum who was left high and dry with four children. Throughout everything she went through (and life was crap for her at times) she was always the one around and we still have a very close relationship today. In short - I don't look back and think - "my Mum was depressed and it was awful" but "what a wonderful job my Mum did despite everything". Trust me - your children will feel the same.
Print all these supportive messages off when you get the chance. They might help when you feel low.
Take care honey and I really hope you feel better before too long.
Sending you a cyber ((((((((hug)))))))))))

Mandy

amynnixmum · 09/03/2005 13:06

You have nothing to be sorry for essbee and I'm really glad that you are ok.
I know we haven't really talked but I have thought about you a lot in the last 2 days.
{{{{big hugs}}}} for you and ds and dd. xx

lunavix · 09/03/2005 13:08

You have nothing to be sorry for hun, and I'm so glad you are okay right now.

We are all here to help you, one poster might have said something bad but the rest of us have rallied together for you which we all hope can help.

We are all thinking of you, and we wouldn't be if we thought it was attention seeking.

Thinking of you hun. xx

suedonim · 09/03/2005 13:42

Essbee, I'm wishing you many, many get well thoughts. I can relate to your wanting to be there for your children but craving the calm. That's how I felt when I had pnd after ds2. I loved my children desperately but I just wanted everything else to stop. My pnd did get better, with lots of help, and you too will recover. Take care, Sue. xx

bonym · 09/03/2005 13:48

essbee - I don't really know you but can only reiterate that you have nothing to apologise for - thank god you did post on Monday and that you have such good friends to take care of you. Sending you love and xx

GeorginaA · 09/03/2005 13:52

Essbee everyone else has said it all so much better, but I wanted to add my name to the list of people who are thinking of you and to underline that you really don't need to apologise, just to accept the support and get well soon.

xxx