Thats it. I have finally realised that I can't 'do' life anymore

[Titania]

yes me again.....don't really want replies, just need to vent

I have finally come to the conclusion I am a crap mum and crap wife (and don't say I'm not please). I am so fed up its unbelievable. DS1 has gone to a friends house to play. Its the first time I have ever let him go. DS2 is just screaming at me and so is DD cos I won't let her have chocolate, when her dinner is going to be ready in 5 minutes....ds1 hates me....he tells me he does. he backchats and throws things at me all the time. He has me in tears everyday.

we are so seriously in debt. The company who were supposed to be sorting it out for us has been promising to get it sorted within 2 weeks for the past 6 months. Now we are getting all the court summons'/baliffs calling etc and its just not funny anymore...not that it was in the first place but you know what I mean. I have rung the debt company and got mad with them so many times i've lost count....we are £28,000 in debt and we need it sorting....

I don't feel as though the cousellor I am seeing is actually doing anything constructive to help me. I tell her all my woes and she just listens and thats it....she doesn't suggest anyways to deal with situations.

I am having at least one panic attack a day.

I am fed up of feeling so lonely and isolated. I don't even feel as though I am on this planet anymore....like I am standing here looking at someone elses life...

I can't do it anymore. I can't be a mum and a wife....I have sat here all afternoon thinking that all of them would be better off without me....I could seriously pack my bags and leave now....I even found myself standing at the level crossing before waiting for the train to go by. It was a high speed train and I thought... 'I wonder how much it would really hurt if I stood in front of one of those'

I cry nearly all day almost every day. There is always something to go against me...always something going wrong....something to throw be back in the deep end....and now I feel like I am drowning....

All I want is a normal life and to be happy. My kids would be better off without me. So would dh....whats the point of them having me around if I can't be normal???? I have resigned myself to the fact that I am never going to feel right again.

I am sat here in tears now hoping to god that I kiss my kids goodnight for the last time tonight......

is this any good ?, it says it is free

I know this isn't hte point of this thread at all but how many pets do you have Titania and what kind?

do the ILs know anything about the IVA/money problems.

I only ask as they might be able to help with getting advice/getting figures sorted etc

nope, that link has still not worked, beetroot!

a tank of fish, 2 rabbits and a dog.

my old stepgran at one point had 13 cats (!) and two dogs despite being skint....

the true cost of a dog

the rabbits live outside now (we used to have them in the kitchen) so they dont need cleaning out as much anymore cos they are out in the garden all the time and hardly in their hutches.

the dog is happy to just sit and watch the world go by. DH walks him. he is a smaller older dog than molly and he barely eats anything.

the fish....well they are just there.....they take 2 seconds to feed at night and thats it...

the budgie died and i got rid of my lovebirds. I feel as though i have sacrificed enough where the animals are concerned.

oh crap.....yeah we got 2 gerbils too but harldy notice they are there tbh.

remember T doesn't drink or smoke - pet's are her vice

you have sacrificed enough as feeding your children is concerned

mts

I CAN FEED MY CHILDREN....THIS IS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.........

that was just the one post, ages ago and IIRC it quickly got sorted by borrowing some stuff from the IL's freezer

yes i may only have 3.49 in my account but the cupboards fridge and freezer are full.....the animals are cared for........i just have no extra money to go out anywhere and buy extra stuff thats all

i only have 5p spare in my account. have just had to use my savings to pay the phone bill. oops.

Titania, its a lovely day (well it is down here) go out into the garden and enjoy the sunshine!

Sorry i was just trying to relate, my cupboards are empty and i know my kids would suffer if i had pets. You are obviously managing though, i didn't realise you had a house full of food. That is good to know, i was concerned. Hope you manage to do something fulfilling with your day.

is there any need to shout at fairyfly? she was trying to help you

i was shouting in general.....

im just fed up of people telling me to get rid of my animals. as mts says, i dont drink, dont smoke, dont go out, so why shouldnt i spend money on animals that i love??

it is a pain sometimes not having money to buy what i want as an extra, but i just have to save up instead.

Titania - thought you didn't have Molly any more?

(looks like neither of us got on with the housework )