Thats it. I have finally realised that I can't 'do' life anymore

[Titania]

yes me again.....don't really want replies, just need to vent

I have finally come to the conclusion I am a crap mum and crap wife (and don't say I'm not please). I am so fed up its unbelievable. DS1 has gone to a friends house to play. Its the first time I have ever let him go. DS2 is just screaming at me and so is DD cos I won't let her have chocolate, when her dinner is going to be ready in 5 minutes....ds1 hates me....he tells me he does. he backchats and throws things at me all the time. He has me in tears everyday.

we are so seriously in debt. The company who were supposed to be sorting it out for us has been promising to get it sorted within 2 weeks for the past 6 months. Now we are getting all the court summons'/baliffs calling etc and its just not funny anymore...not that it was in the first place but you know what I mean. I have rung the debt company and got mad with them so many times i've lost count....we are £28,000 in debt and we need it sorting....

I don't feel as though the cousellor I am seeing is actually doing anything constructive to help me. I tell her all my woes and she just listens and thats it....she doesn't suggest anyways to deal with situations.

I am having at least one panic attack a day.

I am fed up of feeling so lonely and isolated. I don't even feel as though I am on this planet anymore....like I am standing here looking at someone elses life...

I can't do it anymore. I can't be a mum and a wife....I have sat here all afternoon thinking that all of them would be better off without me....I could seriously pack my bags and leave now....I even found myself standing at the level crossing before waiting for the train to go by. It was a high speed train and I thought... 'I wonder how much it would really hurt if I stood in front of one of those'

I cry nearly all day almost every day. There is always something to go against me...always something going wrong....something to throw be back in the deep end....and now I feel like I am drowning....

All I want is a normal life and to be happy. My kids would be better off without me. So would dh....whats the point of them having me around if I can't be normal???? I have resigned myself to the fact that I am never going to feel right again.

I am sat here in tears now hoping to god that I kiss my kids goodnight for the last time tonight......

Sit in the garden

why dont you go to ironbridge and have a picnic

Let the kids run off some energy playing in the garden while you have a cup of tea. Look at the flowers, listen to the birds.

i cant get there otherwise that would be lovely

Have a party tea in your garden.

I dont have a garden so i have picnics in the house.

You can find ways round anything

It doesn't all have to be hardwork

hmm....have just found 2 notes under my pillow from DH while i was making my bed....one for me and one for dd......

telling dd to look in the cupboard where she puts her shoes. and telling me to look behind the chair in the lounge.....

and does that make you happy without spending money?

bless.....

a book for me to read (not that ive read a book for 5 years!!! lol) and some daffodils (they make me happy cos they make me think of spring) dd has got a magazine and some chocolate buttons

Just what I needed.

That is gorgeous Titania - what a lovely thing for dh to do. Mine would never think of it! Have no advice really to offer, hence haven't posted, but am following thread and thinking of you.

that's so sweet of him

See,small things can make you smile and feel happy inside-he is obviously VERY aware of how bad you are feeling! Wow, a man with perception-what a rarity!!

Right im going to go do some housework have a bath and finally get dressed

I dont normally get dressed until now normally-imagine Stig of the Dump-OMG showing my age!!!

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

Cod, me ignore you, never

I do go out anyway, i go to the shops and even took ds to the play area last week, put his name down for nursery next Jan, and got my arse into gear about college, i have an interview on the 4th april.

Have also enquired about tumble tots (no spaces) and gymfants or something.

Message withdrawn

Lol, can't quite see Ds doing it actually, he'll just run round like a nutter.

Might try swimming instead. Kepp telling dp that i am gonna let him to ballet

Can I just say that if I stayed in all day I would go stark staring mad, all that tidying up after dd who then trashes the place immediately again! I don't mind on nice days when we are in the garden though.

Message withdrawn

Oh good will give it a whirl then if they have places