Thats it. I have finally realised that I can't 'do' life anymore

[Titania]

yes me again.....don't really want replies, just need to vent

I have finally come to the conclusion I am a crap mum and crap wife (and don't say I'm not please). I am so fed up its unbelievable. DS1 has gone to a friends house to play. Its the first time I have ever let him go. DS2 is just screaming at me and so is DD cos I won't let her have chocolate, when her dinner is going to be ready in 5 minutes....ds1 hates me....he tells me he does. he backchats and throws things at me all the time. He has me in tears everyday.

we are so seriously in debt. The company who were supposed to be sorting it out for us has been promising to get it sorted within 2 weeks for the past 6 months. Now we are getting all the court summons'/baliffs calling etc and its just not funny anymore...not that it was in the first place but you know what I mean. I have rung the debt company and got mad with them so many times i've lost count....we are £28,000 in debt and we need it sorting....

I don't feel as though the cousellor I am seeing is actually doing anything constructive to help me. I tell her all my woes and she just listens and thats it....she doesn't suggest anyways to deal with situations.

I am having at least one panic attack a day.

I am fed up of feeling so lonely and isolated. I don't even feel as though I am on this planet anymore....like I am standing here looking at someone elses life...

I can't do it anymore. I can't be a mum and a wife....I have sat here all afternoon thinking that all of them would be better off without me....I could seriously pack my bags and leave now....I even found myself standing at the level crossing before waiting for the train to go by. It was a high speed train and I thought... 'I wonder how much it would really hurt if I stood in front of one of those'

I cry nearly all day almost every day. There is always something to go against me...always something going wrong....something to throw be back in the deep end....and now I feel like I am drowning....

All I want is a normal life and to be happy. My kids would be better off without me. So would dh....whats the point of them having me around if I can't be normal???? I have resigned myself to the fact that I am never going to feel right again.

I am sat here in tears now hoping to god that I kiss my kids goodnight for the last time tonight......

I don't think people are being deliberately mean, just trying to help. You say you are fed up of being in debt, dealing with bailiffs, have court summons, perhaps people see giving up the animals as the only way to save money?

we got another one.a terrier cross. smaller, older, housetrained, lead trained, does as he is told and happy just to sit there and watch the work go by. perfect for us. hardly even know he is there tbh

I think pets are fantastic for kids.

We'd get a dog soon, but I have a plan involving the dog being a present from the next baby to ds

It is a pain in the arse to not have things you want, but you do! the animals!

Life gets like this for all of us at some point, you need to focus on how it will change and look forward to the future. I know i have no money now but i am going to work my arse off until i get some. Until then i will take pleasure from unmaterialistic things, like friends, children, sunshine, walking, hugs, libraries, cooking, kissing, speaking to people

thant's a great post FF. Titania - why don't you make a list of what makes you happy and try to do one of those things every day? (hope that doesn't sound patronising!)

eek....um.......ok......

excellent What is the first on your list?!!

um.......

errrrrr.............

my kids??

and animals....

give you an idea. for me, its along soak in the tub in the evenings once the kids are asleep. full on pampering session (defuzz everything i can, face mask, body lotion afterwards, foot cream etc etc)

perhaps taking your dog for a walk in the park? Playing a silly game with your kids like hide and seek. Ooh, just had a thought, do you do any exercise as that helps get the endorphins going I think

Misdee - that works for me too, just a simple thing like shaving my legs makes me feel happier than when they're all stubbly and itchy!!!!

i defuzzed my legs this morning, now i feel ready for summer

DH nicks all the hot water in the evening!!!

I did try and do some exersize a while ago but its kind of fizzled out now.....i walk everywhere if that counts???

can u put the water back on to heat up another bath full? i do.

costs a lot though....we are on a meter for electric and water

walking is great - does it make you feel happier after you've been for a walk?

erm...suppose so....just feel knacered more often than not though lol

Titania, why dont you go out and get a bit of sunshine on your face, it may work wonders.
If its your kids that make you happy, just have a really close look at them for five minutes. Dont let them see you and watch how they act, studdy their little faces and notice how much they have grown. Ive just done that with my 4 year old, he is sitting in the lounge concentrating on a toy. He is such a little sweetheart, it brings tears to my eyes. SOmetimes you have to stop for a moment and take these things in.

dds not up to going out otherwise i would.

it'll cost a few pence for you to heat up a tub full of water once a week ofr a pampering bath. we are also on card meters for gas/electric.

how about gardening? sytart planning some flowerbeds with the kids, and get them to help plant seeds.

Tell your dh one of the ways he can help you is by not using all the hot water everynight, maybe you could have a bath this evening.

I am looking for a nice rosebush to plant in memory of my dad. Havent found the right one yet though. the dog and the rabbits will dig up anything i plant!! lol