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Mental health

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Original poster

Thats it. I have finally realised that I can't 'do' life anymore

273 replies

Titania · 08/03/2005 16:43

yes me again.....don't really want replies, just need to vent

I have finally come to the conclusion I am a crap mum and crap wife (and don't say I'm not please). I am so fed up its unbelievable. DS1 has gone to a friends house to play. Its the first time I have ever let him go. DS2 is just screaming at me and so is DD cos I won't let her have chocolate, when her dinner is going to be ready in 5 minutes....ds1 hates me....he tells me he does. he backchats and throws things at me all the time. He has me in tears everyday.

we are so seriously in debt. The company who were supposed to be sorting it out for us has been promising to get it sorted within 2 weeks for the past 6 months. Now we are getting all the court summons'/baliffs calling etc and its just not funny anymore...not that it was in the first place but you know what I mean. I have rung the debt company and got mad with them so many times i've lost count....we are £28,000 in debt and we need it sorting....

I don't feel as though the cousellor I am seeing is actually doing anything constructive to help me. I tell her all my woes and she just listens and thats it....she doesn't suggest anyways to deal with situations.

I am having at least one panic attack a day.

I am fed up of feeling so lonely and isolated. I don't even feel as though I am on this planet anymore....like I am standing here looking at someone elses life...

I can't do it anymore. I can't be a mum and a wife....I have sat here all afternoon thinking that all of them would be better off without me....I could seriously pack my bags and leave now....I even found myself standing at the level crossing before waiting for the train to go by. It was a high speed train and I thought... 'I wonder how much it would really hurt if I stood in front of one of those'

I cry nearly all day almost every day. There is always something to go against me...always something going wrong....something to throw be back in the deep end....and now I feel like I am drowning....

All I want is a normal life and to be happy. My kids would be better off without me. So would dh....whats the point of them having me around if I can't be normal???? I have resigned myself to the fact that I am never going to feel right again.

I am sat here in tears now hoping to god that I kiss my kids goodnight for the last time tonight......

OP posts:

Lonelymum · 15/03/2005 09:35

Hi Titania, sorry to see you in this way (I have been away from Mumsnet for a while). Is there anything you can think of you would like to do today, however small, just to treat yourself. It sounds like you need a break from all your worries.

rickman · 15/03/2005 09:41

Message withdrawn

noddyholder · 15/03/2005 09:46

Don't cancel the session it could really be the step you need

fairyfly · 15/03/2005 09:50

Titania surely counselling is worth a try, it is better than not trying. You would do anything to not feel like this wouldn't you? Please give it some time, you have to start taking some sort of control over the situation. I go and hated it at first, i thought it was doing nothing, i stuck with it. It is very apparent now it works i feel great.
Be proactive! Give yourself some care

mummytosteven · 15/03/2005 09:52

if you feel this bad, you do need to be seeing someone - get yourself a GP appointment at the very least. just something as simple for them as switching your ADs could really help you.

sorry to hear about DH's back problems.

Original poster

Titania · 15/03/2005 10:23

I don't want to see anyone, do anything or go anywhere.......

OP posts:

nutcracker · 15/03/2005 10:30

Titania, you really need to go to your counselling session, even if it is just to tell them that you don't think it is working. They may then at least be able to sort something else out for you.

I know you already know this, but in order to get better you have got to start getting some help. You don't want to feel like this forever do you ???

What about trying a different ad ???

Cod · 15/03/2005 11:11

Message withdrawn

motherinferior · 15/03/2005 11:19

Titania, go and tell them how you feel. It's very important.

mummytosteven · 15/03/2005 11:22

4 options here for you to get help now:
1)You phone up the Community Mental Health Team
(details here www.shropshireonline.gov.uk/sscontacts.nsf/5df64ed2ccf3fd2280256c78003ba23c/dd351651032c800580256ca8003b4661!OpenDocument) or let your DH or one of us do it
2)You fill in the online enquiry form for the Community Mental Health Team www.shropshireonline.gov.uk/adultcarer.nsf/aefab96e9fddfa6680256c63003b6126/bdd394752d6e97d580256dde003e237a!OpenDocument

not as direct, could take ten days

3)Phone up GP for appointment, or let DH or one of us do that

4)see counsellor, explain how you feel; clearly whatever has been happening thus far hasn't been helping you, but you can then work through something that can help you.

PuffTheMagicDragon · 15/03/2005 11:24

Titania please listen to what mumsnetters are saying to you and go to your counselling. You must tell your counsellor just how bad you are feeling. You are ill and need all the help you can get.

I completely understand your feeling of not wanting to go anywhere, or talk to anyone, it's a symptom of the very serious depression you are experiencing, but you need to gather together some strength and take some action.

As a matter of urgency you must also see your gp. You need someone to go with you to see the gp and make clear the how serious things are for you.

I lost my mother to suicide because her clinical depression was not treated seriously or appropriately.

Please, please, do this for you and your children. There is only so much people online can do to bolster you.

Have you taken up mummytosteven's offer (and other's) to make phone calls etc re your debt situation?

mummytosteven · 15/03/2005 11:28

cod - depression/OCD/agoraphobia aren't a matter of immaturity/not growing up.

but yes I agree that Titania should seek further medical help urgently.

Original poster

Titania · 15/03/2005 11:30

thanks for that cod....made me feel heaps better.....

OP posts:

mummytosteven · 15/03/2005 11:33

did you start taking the Cipralex again?

bundle · 15/03/2005 11:34

titania, if you do as she (and others) are suggesting (because they want to help you) then she won't nag you any more about doing it. do try to keep the lines of communication open even if it's not with the perfect person who you feel understands/can help...ask them what other help you can get. i seriously think you need to see a doctor and get some professional help. i hadn't realised you had family nearby, that's nice of your fil to help out, and must make you feel at least a little less under pressure.

Cod · 15/03/2005 11:34

Message withdrawn

CountessDracula · 15/03/2005 11:35

Titania, Cod is right.

You just have to grit your teeth and go. Otherwise you won't get better.

Sorry

PuffTheMagicDragon · 15/03/2005 11:38

Titania, people on here care, they really do, some may not express it politely, but the sentiment behind their words are still the same.

Cod · 15/03/2005 11:39

Message withdrawn

bundle · 15/03/2005 11:39

if you had a broken leg i assume you'd go & get it xrayed and set? it's just a different bit that needs fixing, go & get it done for you and your family.

WigWamBam · 15/03/2005 11:46

The help is there for you, Titania, but you have to want to get it, and you have to make the effort to get it. Cod is right, the counsellor can't help you if you don't get out there and talk to her. If you don't think she's helping, then tell her - she may be able to try some different things with you. Or you should be able to get a different councellor, if you really think that this one isn't right for you. Councellors don't come in a "one size fits all" - if this one doesn't suit you, then another one will.

Several people here have offered to ring to get help for you - you only need to ask, and someone will ring any of the numbers you've got to get any help that we can for you. Are you going to let us help you?

mummytosteven · 15/03/2005 11:46

getting you a GP appointment is an easy enough task for any of us, and won't involve us talking about anything too personal with the receptionist.

bundle · 15/03/2005 11:49

if you do ring GP make sure you book a double slot

Blossomhill · 15/03/2005 11:51

I have to say Titania I too suffer really badly and am having counselling and doing yoga to help myself get better.
You really should take the advice on here as like everyone says only you can really make it happen.
I have had to pull myself up from the darkest depths of anxiety based depression and believe me it's not easy, I know. I am in control of my own destiny, nobody else.
Take care Blossomx

Bearess · 15/03/2005 12:01

Titania - if this were a friend in RL or a relative - what advice would you give them? I think you know the answer. Go for your counselling this afternoon.

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