I lied to ds about his pip. Because he was violent.

[Pipanger]

In a nut shell. Ds has some mental health issues. He was very aggressive and violent to me. It was awful and went on for sometime. Eventually ds went into supported accommodation. But he was still at my house alot more so than the accommodation he would spend most of his days amd nights in my house. Eating food, doing washing . Using the gas/electric.

Because of his aggression and violence. I couldn't explain to him that he needed to pay his way. So I lied to him about his pip. I told him that he was getting middle rate when he was actually getting heigh rate. I did this so I could take just under 300 for monthly house keeping

Things have changed now hes not really stayed at my house for the past 3 months. So I can't justify taking that money anymore. I have been saving it for him for the past 3 months.

The problem is that I lied but I done it out of safety and the fact I couldn't afford to pay for the stuff he was using.

But now hes not here he needs the full amount the problem is it don't want it to cause a massive fall out. I cant even just tell him theres been a change in his rate here's the money. Because hes claiming for a free bus pass and needs the proof of pip. So hes going to know when it all started. I cant just say you had to pay your way because he doesn't think he should and doesn't really know the cost of running things.

Hes also extremely bad with money his money is gone within 2-3 days of payment. Then he borrows money of everyone he knows. And the extra money he gets wont change that as he will do the same thing. Im an ideal world I would like to keep saving it for him

As you’re receiving the money it means you’ve been entrusted by the government as his appointee and agreed to manage the money for him appropriately.

Im my ds appointee at his request.

Therefore you’ve used the money to help him pay his way and saved it when that money hadn’t been needed to cover his costs.

As the appointee you could continue to do this however he has a right to request you are removed as appointee.

so you’ve done nothing wrong so far but agree you need to look to the future and what needs to change if he isnt living at home anymore. Can you discuss with the social worker at his supported living?

Im not sure the 18 part is really realivent alot of people will think it is . But often not. Appointee is for people that cant manage there money to an extreme. That can be the case for someone who's 18 right through to 60.

Yes taking the money was above board as it was for his keep at home.

I have been saving it for him for the past 3 months.

You stole his money for house keeping because you say you couldn’t afford for him to come round and do washing and eat but the money you took you saved it and didn’t spend it. So you did afford the bills and food without his stolen money? I’m not saying he should have got it for free but if you’ve managed to save it up ‘for him’ for 3 months it obviously wasn’t done out of desperation.

My son was physically violence to me. He couldn't live at my house for free.

so he can’t stay because of his violence for free but if your taking his money as a contribution he can come and stay?

PIP can be spent on untitles and food. For many, the costs of these is higher because of their disability. For example, OP’s DS was using more electric and water than is typical if he was using 3 washing cycles just to wash one load of washing.

Appointees do not need the person’s permission or knowledge to spend the money in their best interests.

As appointee, saving the money in OP’s name is fine. Not that the OP has suggested it, but saving in her name doesn’t mean she isn’t spending it on things not related to DS on his behalf and it doesn’t mean she isn’t complying with her role as appointee.

OP has not stolen the money.

The OP has not stolen his money, for goodness sake. Some of these replies are quite odd. The OP has done nothing wrong.

Even if DLA was paid until 18, that wouldn’t necessarily result in the DLA being paid to the parent until 18.

In Scotland, for existing claimants, CDP can continue to be paid until 18 (or there is the option of moving to ADP if they want to) but at 16 the benefit is still paid to the young person unless they can’t manage the claim themselves.

I can't even be bothered to explain myself again

This is how exploitation happens. I'm glad OP that you're looking for ways to stop taking your son's money without his consent, because it is wrong to do that. It needs to be paid directly into his bank account, not yours and you transfer (unless he consents to that).

I'd suggest, as appointee, you go directly to gov.uk and change the bank details for the money to go to.

Did you become appointee when he was still a child? That may explain fewer questions bring asked.

Without your sons consent to do this, and given he doesn't have a social worker do isn't considered incapable of giving consent, what is happening here is exploitation. As someone said uptrend, no ifs or buts about that. What is good is that you recognize this has to change. It does, now you know thst do it on Monday.

You don’t need to re explain. I’ve read the thread and still had the questions

Omg really. Stop the world I want to get of .

I don't understand.

Are you not looking for ways to ensure your son gets all of his money from now onwards? I thought that was the point of the thread.

That was quite a sensible and well put post towards you. You can’t just want to stop the world and want to get off because people aren’t telling you they understand and agree with the theft you’ve repeatedly committed. It’s not ok, no matter what circumstances or excuses you are giving it’s still not acceptable

Tell him the PIP rules required a proportion of the money to go towards his board and lodging.

So lie again?

you have to explain in an appropriate way for his understanding.

dont beat yourself up.
child benefit would come to the parent, it doesnt go to the child ever. i know this isnt child benefit, but it is a benefit, and you are his appointee
as he was under 18 it makes sense it came to you
And you were saving for him.

I think this poster just sees what she wants to

Last week she was posting about her daughter's truly awful predicted GCSE grades. Got loads of cheerleading about how she's right to 'protect her daughters mental health'

Doesn't mention she's just taken her out during term time for a holiday and from recollection barely got them into school in January for other spurious reasons.

OP doesn’t need DS’s consent for the money to be paid to her or to spend the money in his best interests (and having food and being able to use electricity and water is).

OP wouldn’t have gone through the appointee process until DS was approaching 16 and transferring to from DLA to PIP as a rising 16. Nothing to do with being a child since, for PIP purposes, a claimant becomes an adult at 16 and the appointee process in the lead up to 16 looks at whether someone can manage a claim as an adult.

Not everyone will always agree with you. You are wrong with this, you have been dishonest with him whatever your intentions.

Why is someone under 18 expected to be paying board and lodging? Have I been unnecessarily feeding, clothing and housing my own children “for free”??

I expect your children don't get hundreds a month in UC and PIP so what choice did you have? You can't charge kids if they have no money at that age like most kids don't. I guess if an 18 year old was working and living at home they would pay board. In this case op will likely have possibly 1k+ in benefits per month for her son coming in and as appointee can basically take as she sees fit.

@Coconutter24 OP built up the saves money only in the last three months WHEN HE HASN'T BEEN COMING ROUND and driving up her bills.

That’s what she can’t be bothered to explain again to you.

You may have reason to criticise OP for previous threads- it sounds as though you are familiar with other situations you don’t approve of- but in this case while it may have been better to find a way of letting him know about the money, it’s reasonable to avoid aggression.

Otherwise the only way to avoid it would be to transfer all the money across and refuse to let him in the house anymore. No transition, you’re on your own whether you can abide the place you are staying or not.

Have your children been running the machine multiple times unnecessarily, using 6 times the usual amount of detergent and cooking extra meals in the night, every night? Kicking off violently if you ask him not to cook extra meals in the middle of the night?

These are additional costs because he can’t function within the normal structures of family life. Not the same at all as a typical child cooperating within the family home.

Either a child with disabilities costs more to raise, or he doesn’t. That’s what PiP helps with. It’s cost more to keep this particular child and he’s been resistant to any suggestions that keep bills manageable.

No she did not STEAL. Please can people stop with this. As an appointee she manages his money including ensuring his bills are paid. I do the same for my DS. And yes I take board and rent from it. When he is able to live independently I will ensure the same for his rent etc