I lied to ds about his pip. Because he was violent.

[Pipanger]

In a nut shell. Ds has some mental health issues. He was very aggressive and violent to me. It was awful and went on for sometime. Eventually ds went into supported accommodation. But he was still at my house alot more so than the accommodation he would spend most of his days amd nights in my house. Eating food, doing washing . Using the gas/electric.

Because of his aggression and violence. I couldn't explain to him that he needed to pay his way. So I lied to him about his pip. I told him that he was getting middle rate when he was actually getting heigh rate. I did this so I could take just under 300 for monthly house keeping

Things have changed now hes not really stayed at my house for the past 3 months. So I can't justify taking that money anymore. I have been saving it for him for the past 3 months.

The problem is that I lied but I done it out of safety and the fact I couldn't afford to pay for the stuff he was using.

But now hes not here he needs the full amount the problem is it don't want it to cause a massive fall out. I cant even just tell him theres been a change in his rate here's the money. Because hes claiming for a free bus pass and needs the proof of pip. So hes going to know when it all started. I cant just say you had to pay your way because he doesn't think he should and doesn't really know the cost of running things.

Hes also extremely bad with money his money is gone within 2-3 days of payment. Then he borrows money of everyone he knows. And the extra money he gets wont change that as he will do the same thing. Im an ideal world I would like to keep saving it for him

You should not have been taking his money. Full stop. He's an adult and while he might have additional needs, it was never you place to take money without his knowledge. He's every right to feel let down by you.

Is your aim here to mitigate consequences you feel?

Because you cant keep doing this, if you were thinking of finding a way to carry on. You should at least give him £1000 as the extra you took. Really you should give him all you (stole) took without his knowledge. It is then for him to decide if he should have paid his way when living with you. And stop taking extra straight away.

You may want to tell yourself that you are helping him, but you are not helping him learn independence, you are stunting this.

If he has such a good understanding of the value of money (so clearly normal intelligence) and no physical disability, I don’t understand why he should be getting full PIP?

what type of mental health issue does he have?

So he should have been in my house for free . And i should have put myself at risk ?

No. But unless you are legally set up to manage his money you shouldn’t be doing this.

Are you ?

He doesn't have a good understanding of money

Im his appointee

Do You manage his money for him?

Your post suggests otherwise.

If you’re his appointee then just organise the pass for him. It sounds like you should explain to him how his money is managed.

Are his PIP payments paid into your bank account? Or are you accessing his bank account to get this money?

Also, when he went into supported accommodation was he under 18 and therefore a Child In Care?

Does he currently have a social worker?

I can see where this thread is going . I will only reply to posts that are helpful. Ie not ones that dismiss his violence towards me and ignore the reasons I done it. And thoses who think he should have all the free food he can eat . Gas/electric etc.

As his appointee I would have been taking housekeeping too when he was with you. I’m appointee for my 22yr old son. I manage his money for him and pay for everything he needs from it.

I would just tell him you kept money back when he mostly lived with you as a contribution to rent, gas, electricity, food etc. However now he’s living elsewhere he needs it all. You did nothing wrong except maybe not discuss it with him but if he was difficult then I’d fully understand why you didn’t,

You did what you did to keep his home running for him, while he still needed it.
Now he doesn’t need it in the same way, you have been saving it for him.

Can you just say that some of the PiP money has been going towards the costs he had at home with you, and that now that money can go towards other costs? Tell him a little bit has built up in the account, and ask whether he wants to keep building up that pot for his emergencies or to have it for things he needs now.

Then make that happen. I guess you have that conversation outside the house, in case he gets angry about it.

Understanding that his mum has kept money from him does not of itself indicate 'normal' intelligence. Not even close.

Ignore those saying you shouldn't have done that. As his appointee you absolutely were able to pay yourself his living costs.

Its exactly that and for the past 3 months I have been saving it for him. But im more scared about his reaction because he thinks he should have been living for free and had all of the money without paying anything.

She isn’t. She’s his appointee. She has spent it on his costs.

Why didn’t you tell his (support officer?) that he wasn’t living in the subsidised accommodation anymore?

You'd not mentioned being his appointee in the OP. That does change things because its a legal status.

Forgive me if this is an obvious question, but does he know you are his appointee?

Has he got a social worker?

In an ideal world I want to tell him yes i did take money for house keeping but I didn't tell him because I was worried and I would like to keep saving for him because eventually when he moving on from semi independent roughly 6 months he will need money for things like flooring etc. But obviously that's mot my decision and the worry is eben if he has that extra 300 hes still going to be without money 2/3 days later because that's what he does.

Yes she is because she wasn’t stealing anything. I do the same with my son’s PIP and UC. He gets everything he needs and wants. This includes paying for a personal assistant, any therapy he needs. I use the rest for a rent contribution and food, gas, electric. Fully permissible by the way,

Right so everyone else is claiming disability for children/young people who are healthy. But im claiming for a person who's unwell and chaotic. That makes sense.

There are proper ways to go about this. If he really cannot manage his money you need to arrange lasting power of attorney with him for his financials.

contact.org.uk/help-for-families/information-advice-services/preparing-for-adult-life/parental-responsibility-amp-mental-capacity-beyond-16/