I lied to ds about his pip. Because he was violent.

[Pipanger]

In a nut shell. Ds has some mental health issues. He was very aggressive and violent to me. It was awful and went on for sometime. Eventually ds went into supported accommodation. But he was still at my house alot more so than the accommodation he would spend most of his days amd nights in my house. Eating food, doing washing . Using the gas/electric.

Because of his aggression and violence. I couldn't explain to him that he needed to pay his way. So I lied to him about his pip. I told him that he was getting middle rate when he was actually getting heigh rate. I did this so I could take just under 300 for monthly house keeping

Things have changed now hes not really stayed at my house for the past 3 months. So I can't justify taking that money anymore. I have been saving it for him for the past 3 months.

The problem is that I lied but I done it out of safety and the fact I couldn't afford to pay for the stuff he was using.

But now hes not here he needs the full amount the problem is it don't want it to cause a massive fall out. I cant even just tell him theres been a change in his rate here's the money. Because hes claiming for a free bus pass and needs the proof of pip. So hes going to know when it all started. I cant just say you had to pay your way because he doesn't think he should and doesn't really know the cost of running things.

Hes also extremely bad with money his money is gone within 2-3 days of payment. Then he borrows money of everyone he knows. And the extra money he gets wont change that as he will do the same thing. Im an ideal world I would like to keep saving it for him

This is such a spiteful post.

If you are his appointee then legally you’ve done nothing wrong it is up to the appointee to decide what is appropriate expenditure and housekeeping would definitely come in to that equation

As appointee you receive the money to manage on DS’s behalf. Using some of the money to pay for the food and utilities he was using at your house is perfectly acceptable. That isn’t theft. It is complying with your appointee commitments. Assuming DS (you as appointee) is receiving UC careful you don’t save enough that it will reduce that.

I do think you need to tell DS. Not because you did anything wrong but to try to help him understand.

When you say DS’s money is gone within 2-3 days of payment, can you help him manage the money better. Pay for some things directly, spread out what you give him into daily or weekly amounts.

If he really cannot manage his money you need to arrange lasting power of attorney with him for his financials.

No, she doesn’t. If benefits are the only income/capital, being appointee is sufficient. Being appointee is an official role.

You'd not mentioned being his appointee in the OP.

For anyone who understands benefits, it would be obvious from the OP. Otherwise DS would receive the money himself and he would know his award and what he was paid.

Is there anyone else who might be able to explain on your behalf?

Do you understand what an appointee is. Because your post suggests otherwise. I work with appointeeships in an LA setting.

What letter is needed OP? Can’t you ask for an end of year April uprating letter?

Yes, appointees manage the money, including anything towards board snd lodging.

If he’s moved out now, just give him the full amount.

I think the best way is to keep clear detail notes about where his PIP is going to and yes, you are absolutely can charge him rent/ bills. It should be reasonable amount though. Does he have a social worker?

I think your post is coming across very wrongly, the problem is that you are scared of your own son and threat of violence from him. Pip money is just a trigger here. He could be violent because he didn’t like the house rules or people coming to you or whatever you are saying to him about his clothes, washing habits, friends etc. it’s wrong and you need to work out how to address that.
I wouldn’t go on MN about it, find a local parents group of call citizen advice bureau or local carer centre. You need advice from people who understand and know about that side of life.

You’ve not ever dealt with disability, I assume? 🙄

Could you do the form yourself for him?

Moving forward can you set up a two tier banking system where money automatically goes to an account he has access too but the principal is held back? Given to him weekly rather than monthly

Honestly, some of the responses you have had on this thread…… words fail me. If posters cannot help this Mum who is clearly struggling, just go and spit your poison somewhere else.

See the reason I left him to deal with his uc and not be appointee for that was so he has 100% control of that money. So if he messed it up there was money to full back on /at least there was food in the house for him. And I was hoping he would learn to budget but he doesn't.

He wont agree to giving the money a bit at a time he will say when he spent to fast it was by accident he was excited about having money. He wont do it again. But does every time.

OP, do you think he totally lacks capacity? It may be worth getting a more formal arrangement in place?

Hes trying to claim for a bus pass. But it says he needs to have 8 points . Im not even sure what points he has it would probably be on the original letter . Which is the one I dont want him to see. If it was the April letter that would have been ideal. But it wont be.

You don’t need DS to agree to paying him more regularly. You are appointee.

If you are appointee for PIP, you should be for UC too (although with UC this sometimes slips through the net). Although obviously you can obviously decide to have it paid into a different account. Being appointee isn’t (DWP) benefit specific.

For bus passes, lots of areas need a statement of entitlement from within the last year. You get this by calling PIP. It show the breakdown of the points awarded and that is what is required.

To be his appointee you must have had his agreement so, therefore, you had every right to deduct money for his living expenses before he mismanaged it. I am appointee for my dh. We were both interviewed and dh had to give his agreement. He trusts me and I manage all our living expenses as he wouldn't be able to cope. As Appointee you have carried out your duties correctly while he lived with you.

I know but that's not easy to do

Im sorry you went through that. If that was the case woth me them ds wouldn't be having any of his pip or his uc . And I wouldn't be trying to work out how I can start paying him the full amount now that hes mot at home. I would have made sure I claimed hus uc and his pip and kept the lot. I have not done that. Please don't take your issues out on me.

That didn't happen with us. I was very blunt with pip and told them that he was aggressive and violent towards me. They never spoke to him. But yes I am his appointee

I can understand why you did this.
Ss your son is now in some sort of supported living unit I assume he has a social worker or care coordinator involved in his case? If so, could you approach them to support you with this conversation especially as you are fearful your son may respond aggressively?

They would have included a statement of entitlement which includes all the points he has.

I thought there was just 2 rates for pip, a higher rate and a lower one. I thought anyone who received high rate would need a high level of care. If he's in assisted accommodation, will the people looking after him there not take a percentage of his pip to help with additional costs?

Steal my arse.
My mate held onto PIP for "housekeeping", her DS keeps his universal credit. He is autistic and will never work. He can't budget and either keeps it allor spends it all, but the cost of keeping him is covered. Anything extra is put into an account for longer term things like holidays.
Just tell him it was used to feed him

You should be handling his universal credit if you are his appointee. By being his appointee you and he have agreed that he is not capable of handling his own affairs. To let him run out of money when you are the one in charge of it is wrong.

I am dds appointee due to self harm and previous suicide attempts. I started transferring some money to her monthly, almost the full amount but rounded down. We pay her transport and phone still. She is 18 now and it comes up for reassessment. While sadly still self harming, it is not as bad as it used to be and her bad moments are fewer. I will probably stop being her appointee during the reassessment (this worries me a bit as she is also a recovered anorexic).

Why don’t you apply for a change of circumstance and then change being an appointee then?