Any therapists / counsellors out there who can give advice about transference?

[LostThePlotEncore]

As the title suggests really. I’ve been seeing a therapist since the end of last September and becoming a bit obsessed. I crave the space to feel heard and appreciated. I’m dealing with complex ptsd from SA.

I’m not a therapist/counsellor but sounds very understandable to me. There’s a great website howtherapyworks.com that I’ve dipped into a lot over the years - there’s a free download here (the client guide, linked to on the resources page) that explains lots of things including transference on page 106…

s3.amazonaws.com/kajabi-storefronts-production/sites/173653/themes/3521009/downloads/89SEvGbzQJSPw5EW7iUk_Educated_Consumer_2019.pdf

I’m not a therapist either but I’ve had loads of therapy and psychiatric support for decades. I tend to think that transference is fine as long as you recognise it for what it is. The therapeutic relationship is not a balanced one.

Not a therapist but been in therapy and not been obsessed but did see my male therapist as a safe space and a throughly decent person.
Had been in some very damaging relationships and put him on a sort of pedestal.
In the end I told him. I said I enjoyed working with him but I thought it was best for both of us if I got a female therapist.
He was actually very empathetic and said it’s unusual at all. But I realised it wasn’t good for me. He recommended a female therapist and I moved over to her.
I think the worst thing you can do is keep it to yourself.
Your therapist won’t be shocked if you tell them, they deal with it a lot.
Part of your trauma has been based in secrecy so it’s that which is really the issue. Talk to your therapist.

I’m worried that if I’m honest she’ll think I’ve definitely lost the plot or she’ll not want to continue the sessions anymore. She’s the only person I’ve told in this setting as I’ve never really bonded with another therapist as well before.

thanks for your replies.

I’m a therapist. Strong feelings towards the therapist are very natural and normal especially in the early weeks. It can be really helpful to discuss them in your sessions as they can help you understand yourself better.

Hopefully not. Most likely she’ll be unsurprised. Anyway you’re the client, you are allowed to lose the plot!

Thing is, I don’t get what is going on. Like I don’t have an awful relationship with my mum! It’s just so confusing.

I wonder if I wish she were my older sister or something… or have I misunderstood?

Could be a dad thing too? I think it’s more common to transfer previous attachment relationships onto your therapist I think - like mum, dad, partners.

It’s also possible to sort of see parent relationships through rose-tinted glasses. When you were little you depended on them for survival, so it was in your interests to keep them sweet. It can be easier to pretend you don’t notice or feel how they really are with you on an emotional level so that you could continue to get your physical needs met, and that can carry on unconsciously in adult life until you explore it.

But you don’t have to understand it all or make sense of it right now… hopefully you’re in a style of therapy that allows for discussion of transference and sees it in a compassionate way, so you can explore it safely with your therapist?

thanks for replying. I’m not really sure what type of therapy I’m having if I’m honest.

It’s about starting to feel safe, acknowledging at a deeper level the need for it.

She will not be remotely put off, it’s literally the most common thing that happens in therapy.

You just go through it, you attach, then at some point you transfer that to relationships outside the therapy room.

well done for doing this

Thanks for replying. At the moment I’m scared about when the sessions may finish. I have no idea when they will end and how long thing will take.

Therapist here. I’d encourage you to explore your feelings with your therapist; she should have had training in understanding how normal transference is in human relationships (especially in therapy relationships) and should be able to support you in exploring what your feelings mean. It’s important to know what your therapist’s approach is ie what type of therapy she practises, and how long you can expect to be working for her. Are you accessing therapy through an agency or the NHS or privately? Often private therapy is much more open ended but you and your therapist should review how it’s going every so often.

Working with her, not working for her!

It’s private therapy and as I said, I’m not sure what type of therapy it is. We did discuss it at the beginning as I said I’d had cbt and she said it wasn’t like that but I can’t really remember how she described it.

OP, you’re not really responding to what posters are saying
on this thread, just repeating that you’re scared and puzzled.

Perhaps because that’s overwhelmingly how I feel?

I am trying to understand but it’s hard to get my head around being so open about something like this.

Yes, you sound as if your head is full of this. Transference means that strong feelings from one experience attach themselves to something or someone else. The therapy will help you untangle this. You’re not doing anything wrong or being weird in any way. Just hang on in there and try to be curious in the sessions about what is happening.

How do I broach it with my therapist? Without sounding like a nutter!

You could just tell her what you've told us. I promise she won't think you are a nutter! As other have said, this is very normal. She has probably had therapy herself as part of her training and experienced it as a client.

Thank you. I feel like I miss the contact in between sessions and wish there were more but it’s very heavy so the gap is probably necessary.

The relationship is the therapy in many situations. Be bold and discuss it with her. It will open up your relationship for greater healing.

Therapist often train to work “in the transference” depending on modality

its totally normal part of therapy and often part of the client journey

Thanks everyone, just finding this hard and very embarrassing. But I’m realising that I’ve done this since I was about 12. I’ve had obsessions with various people in my life, usually women about 10-15 years older than me.

Well then it maybe good for you to work it out with the therapeutic relationship you now have

that is a massive credit to you that you’ve recognised the pattern - all power be to you!