Parents and carers of anxious teens(part 8)

[MinionKevin]

Started a new thread as I can see previous OP hadn’t been on for a while.

Link to previous thread:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/feeling_depressed/4970868-parents-and-carers-of-anxious-teenspart-7?page=40

Well, bank Holiday and pouring with rain!
Dd is doing a small amount of revision, but seems quite low.
Older is driving me to distraction :(
She ignores any advice but will be devastated if she fails.
Sigh.

Dd very anxious again tonight. Worst she's been in a while.
Anxiety about the future, exams...feeling the way she did back in January.
It's all so horrible.
Sorry, all I seem to do is complain lately :(
I don't really have anyone else to talk to :(

We should care about ourselves and each other.

@destiel00
I feel for you and DD.
The exams are so long it can add so much to the stress
Keep telling her it will all be ok in a few years none of this will matter and exams/results don't define her.
And I hope you can do something to recharge yourself as you will need a mountain of patience. You need to be hopeful to give her hope.
Please don't feed bad about venting here. We are all in the same boat at different stages.
Take care.
Xx

Thank you both x
I've been out this morning as I just needed some space.
I bought a plant 🪴
Dd seems OK today. Done some revision and is nle playing on her iPad.
She's off to her extra curricular group later today.
Older dd working and also going out later...I might get the house to myself for a couple of hours!

Dd seems very agitated today
She's at her hobby group atm but I'm anticipating a bad night

I hate this
I just fucking hate it

Aww @destiel00
Could she be tempted with a warm bath, dinner and something light on TV before bed?
Tell her you are doing it and could she join you.
Hope she sleeps it through

I might suggest a shower when she gets back
She's anxious about feeling as bad as she did back in December/January 😔

It's so hard when there are down days after the ups.
Feels scared to be hopeful.
In a way the half term doesn't help the GCSE kids. They might as well just get it done with.

Yes, I think I agree @DarkChocHolic
I thought she needed the break but it's really sent her into a spiral..
How the hell do we get through 11 weeks of summer!?

So.
Dd says she's had thoughts of not wanting to be here again.
No plans.
No SH.
I'll contact her counsellor tomorrow morning.
She's got the crisis number to phone.
I just don't know what else to do anymore.

@destiel00 I'm sorry to hear things are hard, I agree that often the step backwards after a few steps forward are the worst. All you can do is offer your dd your hand. You can hold my hand too if you like. Hopefully she can get some sleep tonight. And never feel bad about ranting or screaming on here, this is what it is for and we have all needed to do it and probably will do again. Thinking of you and dd x

@destiel00 sorry to hear how low DD feels to not want to be here anymore.
Nothing more traumatic for a parent to hear that from their child.
Take it one day at a time and sometimes even that is too much take it an hour at a time.
Remind her that nothing lasts forever, happiness or sadness. This sad phase will end.
Tell her today will be different to yesterday. It may not be better or worse as you cannot guarantee it but it will be different and that's still good.
If you have the energy have a plan or two for some activity she loves after the exams and remind her of what's coming.
Until then it's ok to rest, do nothing and just get through the moment. Give yourself permission to do nothing.
Big hugs. Do keep ranting and venting here as we all totally get it.

I've requested an appointment with the dr.
She is going to contact her counsellor today, too.
Not sure what else I can do.

It's odd.
She has a few hours work tomorrow and a friend coming on Saturday.
I asked last night if we should cancel and she said no 🤷‍♀️

Got a drs appointment at 11

Have any of your dc expressed similar feelings?
I'm at a loss to know what to do.
What do I do about school/exams?
I'll email the dsl

@destiel00
My DD has repeatedly said she doesn't want to be alive. The world is not meant for people like her. She is very overwhelmed to be in it.
She also took 4 overdoses last year..we also had horrific self harm cutting of she skin as well as hair
I believe we are past the worse stage but she still regularly feels very depressed and finds no joy in most things except being out with friends and now her bf.

Don't worry about exams. See what she is like on the day and take it day by day.
Don't make any plans for next week this week.

@DarkChocHolic
I'm so sorry for your dd and that you all experienced that.
Horrific.
And thank you for sharing x
Just left drs. Urgent camhs referral. Prescription for pro pranalol.
She can see her counsellor earlier on monday so won't be in school on Monday.
I'm utterly lost atm.

Hopefully seeing her friend and working over the weekend all helps. You need to really step up self care for yourself. Ruthlessly prioritise it.

The hardest thing for me was not to think or plan beyond the current day. Today she would be miserable, tomorrow she would be perfectly ok.

They take a lot of strength from us @destiel00
If we stay calm, they cope better.
If we feel lost and overwhelmed, it really rattles them.
Unfortunately when DD was at her worse I did not cope. Many times I have cried, been angry, felt anxiety myself and displayed all those emotions in front of her. I know I was not to blame but I couldn't be strong for her as I was so worried about bloody school, grades, future etc.
Now DD has restarted the year and is still not coping, I am trying to completely stop worrying about A levels and admissions.
If she passes i will be overjoyed. I believe her healing will start once she finishes education. She will of course be gutted if she got low grades and didnt make it to uni but I think that's what best for her and she too will realise it.

Our kids have a future despite their poor mental health. We just have to be patient and ride this storm out.
Take care of yourself
Xx

Thank you so much @DarkChocHolic
You are very kind (and wise!)
Dd seems keen to see her friends and go to work so thats a positive I guess?
Shes had her first beta blocker and says the nausea is better so she's having some toast.
Dr also just text and said to exkect a call from cahms in the next 2 hours....
Last time it was bank Holiday/overnight when she spoke to them. Maybe it's quicker mon-fri 9-5?

I will echo @DarkChocHolic 's words. My DD self harmed, has food issues, emotional meltdowns/rages and suicidal thoughts. If you go back to older threads, it's all there 😔 and as mentioned it's been a learning curve for all of us. Diagnosis of ADHD/ADD helped in the sense we understood what was going on more and could accept the situation rather than trying to change her. Also COVID helped! A break from school during the worst times and forced me to stepp off the hamster wheel and realise education doesn't have to be one straight scheduled timeline. I'm not perfect, I still make the wrong call, things can still be and will be hard but I too agree the worst is over. Things will get better. The fact she said agreed to see doctor and counsellor is a positive. X

Thank you @Okisenough
I'm so sorry if it's upsetting for you to recount x
It sounds like your dd (and you) has had a really tough time.
I think I'm staying calm in front of dd. She did apologise last night about upsetting us. I told her not to apologise and our reaction to her feelings is our issue, not hers. I hope that was the right think to say!
I haven't cried in front of her.
(I've had a couple of sobs in private, though.. )
Just waiting for the camhs phone call....

Phone call went OK.
Just advice, really.
Dd seems brighter than this morning.
Thank you all so much for your care and advice x