Parents and carers of anxious teens(part 8)

[MinionKevin]

Started a new thread as I can see previous OP hadn’t been on for a while.

Link to previous thread:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/feeling_depressed/4970868-parents-and-carers-of-anxious-teenspart-7?page=40

I think I will
I could kick her up the backside sometimes! 🙄

@destiel00
Could you load her up with extra breakfast before she goes to college.
Would she cope with eating.in the morning.
I have started making a smoothie for them in the mornings. Banana, protein powder, frozen fruit and some milk..I find DD now just has that these days and no cereal (probably because the only cereal on offer is weetabix!!)
I get very annoyed with the eating but we have the reverse issue. Too much rubbish food and then depression because of weight gain!!
No winning
Xx

Older dd has the flu, dh is recovering from his minor op and I feel utterly dreadful ☹️
Just one decent night's sleep would be so good
Oh, and the water had just gone off...no warning, nothing.
Ugh

@destiel00 I hope things have improved for you and everyone is feeling better. Looking back my youngest was like this. The result was I was waking up early and making packed lunches (when she was younger) and then when she was older, I was sending her in with breakfast bars(the most expensive ie high protein, no added sugar, natural etc so I felt less worried about her eating habits) and cutting fruit for her to eat for breakfast so she at least started the day well. Sigh. They are better now although probably still not ideal!

Things here are ok and I am grateful for that. My younger one has been doing well and thankfully hasn't had any issues lately, long may that continue. My eldest is making tiny tiny steps in the right direction although I now realise this depression has been slowly creeping up for years before hitting this crisis point so will probably take a similar amount of time to recover from. There are days when things seem almost normal then other days that slap that idea down lol! They are going to therapy regularly now so I think I will have to try and trust the process!!!

Anyway, the reason I am dropping by was to wish everyone a good Christmas period. I hope for us all its peaceful and happy. May you all get some much needed rest and plenty of mince pies and crispy potatoes!

Hi @Okisenough
Lovely to hear your update ☺️
Merry Christmas to you all....I hope next year is a better one xx

Hi 👋
Hope you're all full of prosecco/cheese/chocolate/cake* 😊
*as desired
It's occurred to me just now that it's exactly a year since dds first really bad anxiety attack in 2024...
She's seemed ok today, has done some college work, played games on her switch and is now on the phone to a friend.
I'm hoping she's forgotten - she hasn't mentioned it and I'm not going to.
Thank you to all of you - I can't tell you how much your kindness and advice has helped me (and dd) over the past 12 months 💙
I hope 2026 is better for all of us x

@destiel00
Here's to a calm and peaceful 2026 for us and the DC.
Like you, I have been reflecting and December has been tricky for us for quite a few years.
I am hoping we get through yh dreaded A levels in one piece in 2026 and start moving onwards and upwards from there.
Hope everyone had a peaceful christmas!
I have been off work for 2 weeks and I really needed the break.
Xx

@DarkChocHolic
I hope you feel rested?
It's the time of year to take stock, isn't it?
Dds first important deadline is end of January and dd1 is starting a temp job until easter 😬

For some reason DD has no homework these holidays! She had a meltdown last night, but she’s been under the weather and the cat got himself injured resulting in an emergency vet visit.
Apart from that she’s done well, most peaceful Christmas Day we’ve had in years.

@MinionKevinsorry about the cat. Wishing him a speedy recovery.
@destiel00 great news about DD 's temp job!!!
Xc

Hope your cat is on the mend @MinionKevin x
@DarkChocHolic
Thanks...she's nervous as its ft and not her specialist subject but it's good pay if she likes it 🤞

He was fighting so he deserves no sympathy (he’s being very cute this evening though).

Ha! A scrapper? My friend has a cat like that...constantly coming home with bits of fur missing 😬

We lose lots of collars I suspect from fighting. He spends a lot of time hunting the resident squirrel so it could have been that! He’s an idiot. All better today though.

Just saw this on the youngminds fb page;

"Parents, take a moment before the end of the year to reflect on everything you do to support the young people in your life. What you do often goes unnoticed. Sometimes you may not even get a thank you. So take five minutes for yourself and reflect on how brilliant you are. Give yourself some credit. Write it down if that helps. And try not to lose sight of that whenever you go through difficult moments".

Happy New Year to us all xxxx

Happy New Year everyone! May 2026 be a great year for all of us!

Thankfully it has been a relatively uneventful Christmas for us. Things have improved for both my DC although for one at least, not in the way I would have liked (but it's not my life and they are an adult) and I realise I need to start moving from the full on hands on parent I have been and often still am to more of a supportive and loving bystander type of parent that I think will benefit all of us in the long run.

Happy New Year Everyone,lets hope there are more happy days than sad in 2026.

In a reflective mood, DD had a really strong tics yesterday which we havent seen for a while.
She has an essay for art to do for her art a level.that she has been putting off for 3 months that she still hasnt done.....if she doesnt do this component she will fail regardless of how good the rest of her work is. Nothing i do say (or dont do or say !) makes any difference to movitate her to do her do it ,feeling powerless-amd frustated! She has PDA , ive accepted messy room (no i cant help tidy it up) but if she fails her a level because of it a bit of my heart will break for her.
How the hell will she ever hold down a job?!
Weve been on this journey for 5 years now and by this point I thought id thought id have my happy (almost) carefree daughter back. But now i realise this is our future and she will always be fragile and need support.
We have her annual review appt for her ehcp week after next and im worried they will reduce her package (despite evidence) as thats what theyve done twice before and now we have a reform council which hard as it is to believe are even worse than the conservatives.
Not to mention a labour government seem to be bringing in SEN reforms that make me want to weep for the life chances of younger people with SEN. Anyway Im ranting!
DD also had a urgent adult services mental health appointment on news year eve. Camhs discharged her at 18 to GP care and GP says they are not qualified to help her- nice guidelines say a psychiatrist should oversee anti psychosis meds and she has had recently had suicidal thoughts-so they did urgent referral to adult mental health.
She had the phone appt by herself. She says they will send a letter with lots of links to websites on it and write to GP to say that he has their permission to manage her care-ffs!!!
Despite all the above we had a lovely xmas,was a much needed break.
I hope back to school/college /work goes smoothly for us all.
Happy new year x

Hi @Runnerduck34
I'm sorry to hear dd is having so much trouble getting appropriate support x
Dd turns 18 this year and it does worry me 😕
I don't know much about PDA, but I know it's hard to treat.
The "first" anniversary of dds breakdown (that's what it was, no point not calling it that) and a&e visit is later this month.
Not sure she's aware - she hasn't mentioned it.
The date in December when it all started has passed...
I'm still on high alert - for both dds tbh - and it's really tiring.
I hope 2026 is kinder to all of us!
💙

@Runnerduck34
Sorry to hear things continue to be difficult. 5 years is a long time to go through the MH journey. No wonder you are fed up and exhausted. You also have the added woes of dealing with the admin stuff related to funding. I hope you are able to find some respite for you and things start to improve little.
I feel for you on the art essay. It is certainly avoidance. Could someone else do the nudging or nagging of your DD?
Would she listen?

Happy new year to everyone. May this year be peaceful and calm. It would be nice even if it was boring as long as no mishaps!!
Xx

Good morning! I stumbled across this thread last night and read it all in one go. Do you have room for one more?
I am currently a year or two behind most of you and it was both reassuring and terrifying reading what you have all been through with your children.
My story is very similar to yours - DD15, undiagnosed ADHD (currently on the waiting list for assessment via RTC but they have run out of funding in our area so all assessment are frozen at least until April)
DD is Y11, mock GCSE’s are starting next week. She failed most of her mocks last summer and it led to her mental health breakdown. Summer holidays were horrible. She withdrew, didn’t socialise much, stopped eating, started vaping, there were occasions of self harm.. GP referred to CAMHS

She has been assessed by CAMHS and referred for treatment at a university clinic in our area, but they lost the referral and we lost 3 months. I followed up relentlessly at the start of the school year and they triaged her and confirmed that she will be eligible for six therapy sessions but again there are huge waiting lists so we are looking at April-May…
in the meantime the school has a new SENDco who has been great actually. School are providing as much support as possible but it’s been a struggle to get her to come in and her absence is not great. She won’t revise… School avoidance also has been a massive issue.. attendance was not great last term.

My own MH is in tatters as the result and I realise I need to buckle up for this year ahead. We are looking at colleges and hoping she will scrap by enough GCSES to get in

From what I’ve read on this thread the issues you have all been facing have been with your teenage DD’s, so I am in the right place. Nothing could have prepared me for this but I am finding some comfort knowing others have been through similar and how you all have been coping

Thank you for reading

Welcome @Mb76
I'm sorry to hear of your dds struggles x
It was poor mocks in y11 that seemed to trigger my dds breakdown (there were other issues too, but that seemed to be the catalyst).
If I could go back in time I'd try and take a step back and take care of my own mh more x

@Mb76
Sorry you are here in the club no one wants to be in!
It's sad to read the struggles you and DD have been through and I can only say things do get better in some ways once the dreaded GCSEs are over.
We still have a lot of issues but we are somewhat better than we were a year ago.
This group is quite a support and hopefully venting here will help in a cathartic way.
Feel free to post as often as you need to and someone will always reply even if it is just to offer you a supportive shoulder
Hang in there and look after yourself if you can
Do you have any support for you?
Xx

@destiel00 @DarkChocHolic
Thank you both for the kind words of support and for welcoming me in this space, I do feel safe here and glad I found this thread.It gave me some perspective.
In terms of my own MH and support I have available, I feel that being an adult I have more support readily available than my daughter. There’s less paperwork and hoops to jump through for me, for example I was prescribed anti depressants for the first time in my life 6 weeks ago when I asked my GP for help. I also have counselling sessions through my work (CBT I’m half way through - can’t say I have found it super helpful at this point). I can have further support if I need to through a similar scheme through my husband’s work.
i also have a couple of close friends (parents I have known most of my DD’s life) who I can vent to and turn for advice. Without being judged.
At work I am a people manager, managing the customer care team for a retail business. So it’s a high stress high responsibility role. Usually when I go through difficult things in personal life I find solace and escape at work but this situation with my DD has completely knocked me out. I do enjoy my job and I have a great team and a really supportive managers above me. I have some flexibility and we are a remote team so I can take my daughter to various appointments even at the last minute. My husband doesn’t have this amount of flexibility in his job so majorly of appointments are my responsibility.
We have been married for a long time and we don’t have any other children. Parenting our DD has always been challenging and we don’t a have any family to help nearby. We didn’t understand why it was so difficult until we learned about neurodivergence and then it clicked. I have been managing people at work with ADHD/ Autism and have had training and learned a lot through experience so for me I has been easier to recognise the signs in my DD and accept that this is what it is.
For my husband it’s been a much more difficult journey, he gets really triggered by her rudeness. They inevitably fall out and then there is tension in the house and it’s really difficult as I’m caught in the middle. Lately he has been more understanding and we are learning to cope together but it’s one step forwards two steps backwards sometimes.
our marriage has been tested for sure. 27 years together and hope we can make it to 30.

I have a question for those of you who have been in my situation and have come through the other side with GCSE’s and MH - what was the most helpful thing you did for your own MH to get you through this horrid time?

@Mb76
I'm so glad you have support.
I took ADs for about 4 months when things we at their worst last year (huge issues with dd1 too with her postgrad at the same time and dh was working away...)
I didn't find them that helpful tbh but they can be great.
Dd sees a counsellor twice a month (it was every week initially) via bupa.
We also (eventually) got the gp to prescribe pro pranalol for her anxiety.
We got her a tutor for English language and made sure her school put her in for the Foundation maths exam (they really didn't want to do this!)
All of the above helped dd and took some pressure off her - and me too, as it felt like I was doing something^.
I found the youngminds website very good and they have a parent helpline.
I think the most helpful thing for me was/is this thread tbh 💙
Something I've noticed over the years, is that men seem to struggle more with dx of ND (my dh certainly did).

@Mb76what does she want to do post GCSEs. How many is she doing, just in case there is scope for her to drop some. All they are is a stepping stone to do what you want.
GCSEs for us were incredibly stressful because DD has missed so much school. We had some massive drama even getting her into exams at all. We are fortune though as school liked her and wanted her to stay so bent their rules to let her stay for sixth form. She’s blossoming there. It’s not perfect but they kept telling me how much different it is for them, it’s true, she is so much happier.