Parents and carers of anxious teens(part 8)

[MinionKevin]

Started a new thread as I can see previous OP hadn’t been on for a while.

Link to previous thread:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/feeling_depressed/4970868-parents-and-carers-of-anxious-teenspart-7?page=40

@destiel00good news. DD was also unwell but we’ve gotten past it quickly.
I think sometimes you are waiting for disaster so it’s hard to relax normally.

Definitely
I'm on edge all the time :(

Just written a post and accidently deleted it-argh!
There are a lot of bugs around atm and weve been ill here too.
@destiel00 Brilliant that DD bounced back , asked for work and it didnt derail her
@MinionKevin im very impressed by the gym visits-ive just come back from cinema and ate an entire bag of sharing Maltesers to myself!

Had a bit of a derailment here- DDs BF has just finished with her- shes devasted and doesnt want to go out at all- I just want to wave a magic wand and take her pain away but I know I cant. Its worse as shes not in school or college her social life is very small she has 3 friends she doesnt see that often , so the BF was her entire social life.
Also have found out that the criminology btec she really wants to do isnt possible as a private candidate as no exam centre or school will accept private candidates where there is a mixture of both internal/coursework assessments and external/exam assessments, so seems btecs can only be done in a school or college setting. Its a course that she really wanted to do and engaged her:(

@Runnerduck34
Oh, that's hard ☹️
First heartbreak is so difficult.
Re: the btec...could she do A level criminology?

Sadly A level criminology has been discontinued so only available as a btec.

Yes first heartbreak is hard, something we all go through but it's hard to see and its pretty intense!

Could she do the level as a private candidate?

Hi 👋
How are you all?
Things here pootling along...
Dd is a bit stressed as she has lots of coursework due before half term.
I'm struggling.
I've been ill, but its more than that I think ☹️
I'm very tired, very fed up.
Maybe it's the past few months catching up with me

We’re okay. We had a meltdown day - said she wasn’t going back, hated it all. All over some issue with some work, emailed the teacher who was saying how brilliant she was doing and it was her fault if she didn’t understand as she’s such a good student.
Refused to get out of bed as she was ‘tired’ so I left her to sleep few hours and went in late. Fine since then. Even made a new friend.
I still worry every single day which way the wind blows though @destiel00and i think it’s that wearing you out.
3 weeks till half term!

@MinionKevin
Yes, I think that's it

Sorry to hear about the meltdown ☹️ but great she's back in
Dh is away all over half term which I'm not happy about but 🤷

Hello,
Have been silently reading..glad to know college is going well @MinionKevin and @destiel00
A big hurdle crossed for DD's. Hang in there half term is not far off.
@Runnerduck34 so sorry about DD 's breakup. Hope you are coping ok?
I guess it's all part of the growing up rites for them and us.

We are doing the usual up and down dance with DD. She fell ill and had to be taken to A&e for scans and tests. Turns out she has gallbladder stones. One more thing to now deal with. We also saw a private psychiatrist at priory as DD felt her meds were really not helping. We don't have adult services support and GP are clueless. The psychiatrist was shocked at how Camhs have handled her medication..and how little reviews we have had. Anyway what is done is done. Think we may slowly change one med at a time and could be here forever.
I am tired and fed up too..but really taking it one day at a time.
DD is also having issues with a twat manager at work and is close to quitting or being fired.
We will deal with it as it comes. Today we are ok
Xx

Nice to hear from you @DarkChocHolic
I had gallstones and they are very, very painful ☹️
Don't be fobbed off - get the damn things out! bitter
I hope once dds meds are stabilised that she starts to see some improvement 🙏
Nothing surprises me re: camhs anymore 😡
Dd still going to counselling every 2 weeks and says its helping 🤷
She's enjoying college so far and has made friends
Older dd is busy doing supply work and is liking earning money

Hello everyone

@DarkChocHolic sorry things have been so exhausting.
As @destiel00 says gallstones are incrediblly painful-worse than childbirth, definitely recommend gallbladder removal.
Employers of YP can be absolutely bloody awful, expect them to be available at a drop of a hat 24/7 and don't treat them well, especially if they need time off sick.
I agree take every day as it comes, I guess the fortunate thing at this age is that they can resign if they need to without worrying about keeping the roof over their heads.

DD asked recently for her meds to be reduced, I think she's put on 1-2 stone since going on a particular medication, private psychiatrist used to weigh her, take blood pressure etc at every appt, CAMHS did none if this. We had to stop private psychiatrist when CAMHS finally offered an appointment with their psychiatrist. Anyway she was discharged promptly just before her 18th birthday and not referred to adult services, GP doesn't really want to tweak her medication for has referred her to adult psychiatric services but God knows how long that will be. And our savings are now all spent so not easier to go private like we could before...
@DarkChocHolic
Hope your DDs meds are sorted.

DD has now calmed down.over the break up so hopefully over the intense phase-fingers crossed - and she's making an effort to reach out to friends.
She had a huge wobble on Friday over tuition, there was a replacement taxi driver and she refused to go in, it completely threw her, which was a wake up call as it reminded me how much she still relies on everything being the same, no changes, in order for her tuition to work.

@destiel00
Pleased things seem to be calm atm, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you that it remains so.

@MinionKevin
My DD has low self esteem and is always doubting herself and is sometimes frozen by fear of getting something wrong no matter how much she is reassured.
I'm pleased your DD got it over her meltdown and it's fantastic she's making friends.
As you say need to take every day at a time. But being on high alert and often lurching from one crisis to another is draining

I hope we all have a calm uneventful week!

@Runnerduck34
Ah...
If the meds begin with the letter M I can relate!
I was put on it for peri sleep issues and put on 2 stone 😬
Then it stopped working so I stopped taking it and I can't lose the weight (which I assume is age related...)
It's odd when they have had a good patch and then something happens (like the taxi driver change for your dd) and you realise that they still need lots of support
<Hugs>

Hello everyone, I have not been on here for a while partly because I have been focusing on myself and trying to recover from the years of fire fighting and being hyper vigilant. Things here are mixed. DD is back at university and we hear a lot less from her than we used to which is an immense relief, and she seems to have settled into her new house with her friends. Fingers crossed this continues. Unfortunately, my eldest has been diagnosed with clinical depression. I am supporting them but at arms length as I've learnt my lesson and as they are an adult I am limited in what I can do on their behalf anyway. Because of this, it's an easier situation although I am still worried. We talk regularly and they still live at home so I can at least provide dinner! I once heard God gives you the children you can cope with, I am not religious but if that is true, I am going to definitely have some words in the afterlife!

@DarkChocHolic sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment with your DD. I hope they sort out her gallbladder stones soon. You are definitely right about taking one day at a time. If you have any quiet moments then take them for yourself.

@MinionKevin @destiel00 @Runnerduck34 @DarkChocHolic
It really is a journey of ups and downs. I am pretty sure all my kids are nuerodiverse which has made education and life quite a struggle at times. You only have to read this thread to see how it always seems to be two steps forward and one step back or a crisis that just brings us to our knees! However, I am hopeful, DD has made steady improvement, and the way she is now is something I would have happily taken over the years, but I believe that there is more progress (and probably setbacks) to be made. Even with my eldest, they are doing the legwork and asking for help, and want to get better, this is positive. So we keep going....

Love to you all and hope you all have a quiet week.

@Okisenough
Thank you for posting...I was wondering how you were x
One step forward and two back is so right.
Glad to hear dd is finding Uni easier and that your dd can speak to you about her depression and is open to getting help x

Sigh.
Dd text on the way to the train "not a good day" 😕
Do now I get to wait until she gets home to find out what's wrong
Ffs

@destiel00
Hope it's not too bad with DD.
Atleast its Friday and she can rest and recharge.

Only today I was telling dh we don't seem to have even a week with no drama.
Maybe this is our "new normal"

I typed a long message on this group yesterday and seen to have lost it before posting.
Thanks to everyone for the words of support.
@Runnerduck34 glad DD seems to be getting over the breakup. Hope things stay stable and calm...tell me about the little things that trigger them.. unbelievable!!

@Okisenough sorry to hear about older DD and her diagnosis. Am glad you are trying to focus on yourself and doing things differently this time around. I think this MH journey teaches us an awful lot and changes us as a person. Hopefully it's not a bad thing.
Glad DD is doing ok at uni..may that long last
Happy weekend everyone
Xx

Hi @DarkChocHolic
Yes, I said very similar to dh about a hour ago!
Dd is overwhelmed and has not got as much done today as she would have liked. She's also got a head cold.
Just one bloody week with no drana would be SO lovely ☹️

We are in a perpetual cycle of physical illness, mental illness, too tired/burnt out or just a bloody lazy teenager...
And we go round and round in this cycle..hamster in a wheel.
it's Friday and I am in bed already. Life is certainly exciting

Ditto!
I'm cold tonight, too 🥶
Dd doesn't want to talk, so I'm going to listen to a podcast and try and sleep 😴
Hope everyone has a good weekend x

We've also had that conversation and are grateful for each day that feels normal! I think this is why I am so overwhelmed when anything else goes wrong even it is small like a leaking tap! My other DD returned home for an event, came back from it in the evening, totally exhausted and had a massive meltdown, sigh, better now but these things do always serve as a reminder that we are not out of the woods.

On a different note, have any of you watched Film club on BBC? I really related to the mum and some of her desperate meddling and worrying!

Hope the weekend is peaceful for us all

It's on my watchlist @Okisenough
Dd seems better today...she's currently not working exercising 😬
She has a plan of what she wants to accomplish today before we go out later
I'm just going to potter around today...I'm tired and feel very "meh"
Luckily, dd can do a lot of work at home, as she is fortunate to have a very expensive piece of equipment (which was dhs late uncles) so she can produce work at home

So proud of dd who managed to go to a school club at lunchtime today. She has been itching to go to it but been beset by nerves. Anyway today was the day and she says it was good but everyone knows each other and everyone is friends and she felt like a stranger. I tried to reason that this is to be expected and it will take perseverance in going and sticking at it to make an inroad and maybe some people will become friends and perhaps not. She is now sat looking totally fed up and saying they were all making plans for the weekend and she hasn’t any. She won’t engage in any plans we could make together or contact anyone. Trying a new tactic of listening to her and making clear I’m listening by being sympathetic but not offering too much advice etc as I feel I often escalate issues. I know it’s just a passing moment and hopefully tomorrow will be brighter but I am such an empath I really struggle when she’s sad. Is anyone else the same?

That sounds positive...hope she goes back again

@littlelottie83 you are certainly not alone in feeling that way and I think your new tactic is probably the best one for these moments. If you read some of this thread, you can see how trying to 'fix things or offer unwanted advice' often results in making things worse. Hopefully today she feels better about things.