Parents and carers of anxious teens(part 8)

[MinionKevin]

Started a new thread as I can see previous OP hadn’t been on for a while.

Link to previous thread:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/feeling_depressed/4970868-parents-and-carers-of-anxious-teenspart-7?page=40

Lovely news @Runnerduck34

@Runnerduck34 well done to your DD and yeah I get the whole expectations thing xxx

@Runnerduck34
So pleased for you and DD.
That's great news and such a relief
Xx

Well.
She's enrolled.
But very, very anxious
I'm afraid to say I'm losing my patience

Was she able to sign up to what she wanted @destiel00

@destiel00 sending you a big hug. I think when you feel this way and they feel anxious, it's ok just to find a bit of space for yourself and leave everything else for another day.

Yes, all sorted.
I think that's why I'm so irritated.
She's done so well, she's going where she said she wanted to go...sigh.
She's had a propranalol tonight.

It’s change though atill which will always be a trigger.

DD had a meltdown because we haven’t done much this summer or been on holiday. But she also didn’t want to go on holiday as we have a new cat! No winning.

Yes, that's how it feels..unwinnable 😒
Sorry you're having issues with your dd, too.
I didn't expect some sort of Damascene conversion or anything, but I had hoped we'd have a honeymoon period iyswim?
Sigh.

Well.
Dh and I just had an awful argument.
He'd planned a weekend away with a friend.
Dd is SO anxious atm and struggled when he's away with work, but that's work and that's his job.
I've just asked him to cancel as dd is struggling and tbh so am I and he's behaved like a stroppy child😡
So, he's just got both barrels.
Ffs. Does he have ANY clue how much it have to base my life /plans around the dds and him!?
I'm fucking furious 😡

@destiel00 sorry to hear about DD and the row with DH.
It is never ending.
It's ok to feel like your patience is wearing off. I sometimes feel better after I have got it off me even if it is to a shocked and sobbing DD herself.
They do have to know we are humans with a finite pot.
I hope once college starts and the days go by, DD will feel less anxious. Until then just be around and say as less as possible. I find short sharp check ins with DD more tolerable when I am losing my rag.

We are on holiday and it looks like DD will be choosing to lie in her hotel bed for the day except for the meals and the snacks. On the other hand, DH and I decided to make a day out for ourselves yesterday and left the kids to it. Cannot remember the last time we did something like that. hopefully DS will come with us today.

Xx

Have a great day @DarkChocHolic

@destiel00
Sorry you've had a row with DH, you sound burnt out, it is exhausting being the one that carries pretty much everything, I'm not surprised you want more support.
Do you ever get any time to yourself?
I think it's pretty normal for DD to feel so anxious, even when it's something she wants, the reality will be setting in and she's probably a bit scared. It's, a big change. My DD has had many a wobble and a false start.
I really hope your DD settles into her new course, I would keep everything very low demand until she starts, no expectations, so she's well regulated.
Has college put any support in place?
I hope everything is calmer soon.

@DarkChocHolic
Hope you have a fabulous holiday, did DD join you today? On our holiday this year was the first time DD managed to come out every day with us for years, she usually has a day or two to herself to chill and reset, but when we got back she was completely wiped out and her case still hasn't been unpacked and I'm not allowed to help, which is extremely frustrating!

Thank you @Runnerduck34
I'm absolutely exhausted...I feel physically ill today (headache, nausea...) but I'm struggling to sleep.
I'm also supporting a distant member of dh's family atm with a bereavement...I think it's starting to take a toll, tbh.
Dh isn't going away with his friend tomorrow and I'm really relieved. I feel so wiped out 😔

Dd seems OK today. Going into work tomorrow which will keep her busy

@destiel00 glad yesterday was better.

@Runnerduck34 thank you for sharing your holiday experiences. I suspect we need to be ready for this for a few years. We have had one cancelled trip, one trip where DD had a day off and DH stayed with her in the hotel and yesterday when she couldn't come. DH, DS and I carried on with the day and tbh I think she didn't expect that. When we were just nearing the hotel, we had frantic texts asking where we were and she wasn't well. I then took her to the supermarket to get some food and we went to her favourite restaufor dinner. However, after dinner she had a row with DH who was trying to book an Uber back so wasn't listening and I was walking behind with DS talking so didn't listen to what she was saying. She had a real meltdown in the middle of the road saying we never listen when she speaks and why does she even bother blah blah.
Needless to say none of us spoke rest of the evening. I just want to go home now to be honest. One more day!!
And yes, i fully know once we are home she will head straight off to her boyfriend's
Suitcase with dirty clothes will just sit there forever.

Xx

I agree with @Runnerduck34, @destiel00 you sound burnt out, I have been having some counselling recently and realised that I am definitely burnt out too. Well over a decade of dealing with this for one or another child definitely takes a massive toll. Even when things feel like they are going in the right direction, our nervous systems are a wreck. I have no idea how I get that sorted! I have had a relatively calm summer but as we get closer to start of new year, I can see the signs of anxiety building, nothing like it was for school but it is there, constant looking for reassurance and questions about the smallest things, even at one point saying maybe I should get a job and stay home!!! To add to it I realise that one of my other kids, is suffering from depression and burn out. They are a full on adult so they don't require the same level of support but still I could scream 'can you give me a fecking break' from the roof. I seem to sigh loudly about twenty times a day! That kinda helps. The counselling kinda helps but I've read so many books over so many years on this subject, I know what they will say before they say it!

I wish everyone a calmer few days before the start of term.

@Okisenough
Oh, god, yes.
The desperate need for a break!
I've not mentioned it to dh yet, but I'm going to suggest a few days away in October
Maybe just me,.maybe just us, maybe the 4 of us.
I'm utterly worn out

Sigh.
I am so done
😔

I hope you are ok x

@destiel00hope things are okay.

DD started sixth form and had a brilliant day, all the teachers said it’s the place that she would be happy, and she is. She sat with people she didn’t know previously and enjoyed the lesson she had. Shattered now!

Oh, thats wonderful to hear 😊

Just utterly fed up.
It'll pass.
Dd was vile this morning on the public transport dry run.
She absolutely blanked me the whole time.
I actually felt bullied by my own child!
I need to get over myself!
She's very anxious about the next 2 days (induction days)
Hopefully, she'll have a great time.
She missed the open days because she was so sure she wanted to go to the local 6th form
<tears hair out> so she hasn't met any other students on her course.
She's planning to meet with the other girl from her school who is doing the course.
I can't see me having a very zen day tomorrow!
😬

Feel like everytime I have a burst of positivity over dd it’s snuffed out.
she’s has such a great summer with holidays, work experience, a couple of trips with friends which were positive and today back to sixth form and she’s struggled. I think in her head she thought all these positive experiences meant she’d be able to talk to her peers but she said she was super anxious and blurted out stupid things when she was speaking. Her friends are nice enough but are best friends and she’s the extra one most of the time. Things are great when she goes out with one or the other and sometimes when they are together socially but I think she just wants to be the centre of the universe rather than an add on.
she can be so negative to be around when she’s anxious and I think they struggle to get on with her when she’s like that ;I understand this). We’ve paid for counselling in the past which had some effect and I took her to the gp a few months ago but they couldn’t prescribe medication as she’s not 18. They referred her to cahms but she isn’t bad enough. I understand as she can do so much- speak to adults quite confidently, order meals and speak to shop assistants, do talks in class, sing and play her instruments in public BUT when presented with an unfamiliar peer she just freezes. She’s fine with her friends and her sister. She even made really great friends with a boy last year which was a fantastic relationship until he asked her out 🙄😊 so she can make positive relationships.
she won’t go back to the psychologist and won’t speak to the care team at school. I’m at a loss… do I just have to wait for her to decide she wants change?

@littlelottie83
I can relate so much to what you've written.
No one would believe dd was anxious when they see her perform her hobby.
Re: meds. I pushed the gps for propranalol. They absolutely can px it for under 18s.
Sometimes its just talking to the "right" dr...in our case, the head partner of the practice who was happy to px.