To go off sick until this happens with nursery?

[Inpww]

I have been struggling loads with working full time with my 2.5 year old. I’m on my own mostly and she sees her dad once a week. He won’t do more, I’ve tried a lot.

I just can’t carry on keeping on top of everything and feeling well. I started taking anxiety medication this month and I’m slowly building up the dose but it’s making me feel a bit shit even though I want to stick with it. I’m just done. I haven’t had a day off in years. My job is incredibly demanding and I don’t really want to lose the income but I almost feel if I don’t go off sick then I will lose my job anyway as I’m just not juggling everything well at all.

I wanted to go off sick until dd gets the free 30 hours in September so that if I then continue to struggle with work I can easily go down to part time without financial worry. If I went down to part time now then I would struggle financially. I have a good sickness policy so would get full pay until July then just have August on statutory sick pay. I’ve never been off sick before (literally except one day 4 years ago!) and so I don’t know how easy it would be to do this. I know my GP is supportive of the anxiety I have felt and which has increased hugely recently hence the medication.

I feel so alone and don’t know what to do.

Your GP won't sign you off this long. I was very unwell last year mentally and physically and only ever had notes for 2 weeks at a time i had regular review calls with GP and hr plus occupational health appointments no1 signs people off for months and just leaves them to it now..sick pay for longer term should be to allow adaptions to be put in place to allow you to do your job and if you don't have any needs like this you will likely be managed out fairly quickly.

Maybe take a few weeks off to evaluate and get on top of things. Can you not use annual leave to give yourself for example a midweek day off some weeks to break things up a bit?

Hi OP. I agree with others that I think getting signed off for a few weeks will really help you to just take a step back and breathe. It sounds like you’re in a bad place at the moment and are overwhelmed, so taking the stresses of work off your plate for a few weeks will give you time to try and get yourself back to a more comfortable place to formulate a plan for moving forward.

I agree with others however that getting signed off for 7 months would likely be close to impossible. That’s just not the way GP’s typically work. Sick notes are usually only given for a few weeks at a time, and if you need an extension, the doctors usually want to try other things (eg. medication, therapy etc.) before just automatically agreeing to keep giving you more and more time off.

I’ve just returned to work this week after a 6 week absence. I’m pregnant, and have been incredibly sick during the first trimester. This is my second pregnancy, and the same thing happened with my first, so I knew what to expect - very very ill during the first trimester, and then magically absolutely fine once I got into the second. I told my boss what was happening and she was very understanding (she remembered my situation from my first pregnancy, when I also needed time off) and basically told me to take until half term off to rest and try and get myself better (I’m a teacher). I self certified for a week and then went to my GP for a sick note. Told them what my boss had said about half term, but they refused to give me a note for that long (at the time I first went it would have been 7 weeks). Gave me an initial note for 3 weeks, and asked me to try a particular anti sickness medication. I did, it made absolutely no difference whatsoever, so at the end of the 3 weeks I had to go back and ask for an extension on the note to get me through to half term. They gave it to me, along with another medication to try, but I’m almost certain that if I’d gone back a third time and tried to get it extended again I would have struggled. I actually went back a week before my note ran out as I felt better and like I could manage being back at work, but if I hadn’t I would have been very aware that I would have likely struggled to get any more time than the 7 weeks they’ve given me, over 2 notes. Obviously your situation is different as it’s mental health not physical, so your GP may be more lenient, but just wanted to share as my experience is very recent, and I was actually quite surprised how much resistance I faced in getting both the note and the extension.

In your situation I would get a note for a few weeks, use the time to try and get yourself some rest and recuperation, and then formulate a plan for moving forward, whether that be dropping hours, asking work for support e.g. see if they can lighten your workload a bit, looking for another job, etc etc. I just don’t think a plan of taking 7 months sick leave is a one to rely on, as I think you might find it’s actually significantly harder to get that much time signed off than you may be aware. Good luck OP!

Was literally coming to say exactly this. People talking about the bar being low and mental health issues not 'being sick' clearly people who have never struggled.

I hope no one ever struggles but women can have have mental health issues with anxiety and depression when going through menopause, and if any of these posters do, I hope they will think back to their views on it. It's often those who never experience poor health who bash those who struggle and those who never have mental health struggles that do the same, but forget that anyone at any point can suffer. I had a relative that used to slate anyone using benefits and boasted how he never would, he suddenly required heart surgery and saw no issue with claiming benefits and didn't see that he was doing exactly the same thing he slated others for, having poor health and needing the money to pay his bills to live! Funny enough he isn't so vocal about it now.

For those that are that oblivious, I hope you never have mental health struggles because the last thing you need on top of your own struggles, is people telling you to suck it up and its just day to day life! No one gets medication just for the fun of it.

While I dont agree that taking 7 months out is a viable option, I also dont think that sucking it up and ignoring your struggles helps either.

Actually I said to my boss at the time that I wasn't sure if I would ever come back. I changed my mind. As will OP more than likely once given the chance to break from the cycle of stress and anxiety she is currently in.

The bit that is playing the system is you planning to be off for 6+ months. True genuine illness rarely works like that, you can't know that in 1 months time you won't feel better.
The fact you are planning from the off, to be absent from work til September, tells everyone you aren't actually ill, you have chosen September because it suits you.
Real illness isn't planned 🙄

Honestly, anybody saying it is fine: imagine you had an employee (cleaner, babysitter, tutor, etc) would you be happy to continue paying them until Sept because they were not coping with work/life balance? A few weeks off after starting anxiety medication could make sense, but the idea would be to use this time to make things more manageable.

Get signed off for a month with the extreme anxiety symptoms you are experiencing- sleeplessness, palpitations etc and see how you feel then.
if you don’t feel much better ask for another month and a referral for NHS CBT.
You have to know what to say and how the system works….

OP why won’t DC’s dad take them for more than one day a week? Alternative weekends usually are the norm for low contact parents. Has this been through the courts?

Courts award contact to those requesting it, they won’t force someone to take a child any more than they want to.

Also OP, I actually think sometimes you need to put your own oxygen mask. I highly doubt your company have an attachment to your beyond the time that you clock in and clock out. Take the time you need, get signed off. For everyone saying this is selfish, selfish tk who? The finance company? I’m sure they’ll cope. Your colleagues? You are not responsible for your colleagues. Please prioritise yourself otherwise you are going to properly break down.

I know people who had a burn out / anxiety. They indeed took some time off, but they used it to get better. One of them worked with a career coach to find out which aspects of her job were making her anxious. Another one moved house to reduce commute time, and she also had therapy sessions I believe.
Planning to not work for 6 months with no plan to make changes is not what sickness leave is for.

OP if you had written this differently you would have got very different responses.

If you had said: I have bad anxiety, just started medication, have a high pressure job, a toddler and no family help, I am on the verge of a breakdown - WIBU to get signed off work for stress to get treatment otherwise I might lose my job. Who would gainsay that?

Who knows how long that time period would turn out to be? It might take you 6 months to get well and by then you would be covered by your free childcare.

Do not push yourself to breakdown and end up unemployed as that will not help you or your kid.

For those that are that oblivious, I hope you never have mental health struggles because the last thing you need on top of your own struggles, is people telling you to suck it up and its just day to day life! No one gets medication just for the fun of it

OP says she has not had a day off in years. Anyone would struggle with that.
The work situation has caused the problem - hopefully it's situational and transient. I don't think she should suck it up, but equally I don't think I good GP should sign someone off work for that long period.

I did ask OP some questions about her work environment but don't know the response yet.

OP is trying to get better hence the medication, which is making her worse in the short term and increasing the pressure.

She said he won't do more. A court cannot mandate a disinterested parent to take their child more than they are prepared to.

Clearly she has already met the criteria for diagnosis or she wouldn’t have been prescribed medication!

They absolutely 100% will not go to social services.

There are many single parents who are being treated for mental health problems, off work or unable to work. It doesn't mean that their children are uncared for or neglected.

The fact that you're recognising that you need help will always be seen as a positive, because you're taking proactive steps to get well. Good on you.

The bar for social services involvement is very high. As long as your daughter is loved, clean and feed and her needs are met, that's good enough parenting.

Evening, all. We're dropping in with a reminder that OP posted asking for support, so please bear that in mind when posting. OP - we hope you don't mind but we've moved your thread to our Mental Health board now. All the best with things.

No and ive very clearly said a couple times that long term sick leave isn't the answer. In my first post I suggested either some annual leave or being signed off for a couple weeks to allow her to adjust to the meds.

What is absolutely frustrating me is the number of posters who have categorically said she isn't sick, they can tell she isn't ill because she planned a long time off or that the bar is low because this is just day to day struggles.

The GP isn't going to just hand out medication for the hell of it. None of us have an idea at what level this person is struggling, but when someone has mental health struggles, I think its better to give advice and support rather than attack, berate and accuse of lying.

No one has any clue when someone has reached rock bottom and someone's 2 minute arsehole like post could be the thing that pushes them over the edge. Why people choose to be like that having no clue I don't know, but me personally I prefer to err on the side of caution and offer advice and support rather than being an arsehole because I'm anonymous. These posts can have real life effects and it's concerning the number of people that just want to nasty on mumsnet lately, it's such a venomous place.

Courts can't make a disinterested/unreliable parent do more parenting. It doesn't matter what people consider the "norm" to be. The non-resident parent can devolve themselves of all practocal responsibility (except for cms 0ayments) if they choose

I think get signed off and take a breather. If not take a weeks annual leave first. As for a plan going forward I would consider one or all of the following:

• part time hours
• changing jobs
• using unpaid parental leave to have more breaks throughout the year
• planning annual leave to allow enough breaks
• Regular use of a babysitter on the weekend

OP ignore most of the PPs. You sound anxious and stressed. These are mental health conditions and they are definitely a valid use of sick pay and sick leave and you will be able to be signed off for them.

I recently had a similar situation. Been struggling for a long time and couldn't keep going. I went off sick for six months - you just need to continue communicating with your GP and requesting sick note extensions - then went back on a phased return but ultimately couldn't cope so have left work for now and am working on improving my mental and physical health. Lots of reasons why I am struggling but it's mainly mental health related. Recently starting to improve but could never have done this while working. I felt like I was desperately trying to keep my head above water, while someone was c constantly pushing me under. I was just getting more and more unwell.

Good luck.

Yes, this is exactly what you need to do OP. Have you got access to CBT a through your GP?

She actually asked if she was being unreasonable 'To go off sick until this happens with nursery?'

It's fine to think this (staying off work and being paid until life changes) is, in fact, unreasonable.

It’s really not fine to argue with MN when they asked you to respect that a poster is struggling.

Indeed her very first sentence is about how much she is struggling.