To go off sick until this happens with nursery?

[Inpww]

I have been struggling loads with working full time with my 2.5 year old. I’m on my own mostly and she sees her dad once a week. He won’t do more, I’ve tried a lot.

I just can’t carry on keeping on top of everything and feeling well. I started taking anxiety medication this month and I’m slowly building up the dose but it’s making me feel a bit shit even though I want to stick with it. I’m just done. I haven’t had a day off in years. My job is incredibly demanding and I don’t really want to lose the income but I almost feel if I don’t go off sick then I will lose my job anyway as I’m just not juggling everything well at all.

I wanted to go off sick until dd gets the free 30 hours in September so that if I then continue to struggle with work I can easily go down to part time without financial worry. If I went down to part time now then I would struggle financially. I have a good sickness policy so would get full pay until July then just have August on statutory sick pay. I’ve never been off sick before (literally except one day 4 years ago!) and so I don’t know how easy it would be to do this. I know my GP is supportive of the anxiety I have felt and which has increased hugely recently hence the medication.

I feel so alone and don’t know what to do.

Of course not!

Unless you disclose something to them along the lines of "and I regularly leave her home alone to come to work" or "and I have to shut her down in the basement while I wfh".

@JimHalpertsWife the poster above said that they could do this especially with mental health?

what does occupational health actually do? I am a bit scared of that process. Will they tell HR what I tell them?

If you get signed off for an initial two weeks, or another 2 after, they won't be going to occupational health at all. If it stretches to a long term sickness then that's a possibility.

Your GP will sign you off with anxiety and you don't have to explain anything to your employer you just give them your note.

They can request you go to occupational help but not until it becomes long term sickness so please take that worry out your mind for now.

What are you concerned about? If you are too stressed / anxious to work, you tell OH that. They see if they can offer any adaptations. You accept of decline these. They'll confirm with HR they've gone through the relavent process and are working with you to get you back into work asap.

I took a month, it was long enough for the anxiety medication to start working and the side effects to calm down, allowed me time to breathe and think and get myself in a better headspace, then had a phased return to work with a lot of occy health support to get myself back into the swing of things.

Rather than planning ahead to abuse your workplace's sickness policy, why not actually use it properly, take an appropriate amount of time off, work with your doctor on getting your anxiety under control during that time, then work with your employer's occupational health team to get you back into work gradually with appropriate phasing and adjustments while you find your feet again?

@PregnantForNow @JimHalpertsWife is it bad to go to occupational health? They suggested it recently only after I raised the starting medication for anxiety thing.

But op has stated she is expected to work long hours in this one, I presume for no extra pay. I meant she should get one with more regular hours, which will reduce her nursery fees, give her more time etc.

Occupational health are primarily there to figure out a way to get you back to work. It's for the employers benefit although it can help you too. They'd be most likely to assess you and see if you are fit for work, or could be with adjustments.

I really doubt they'd be interested in your parenting at all. They'd be looking at options like work funded counselling most likely.

Definitely not!

But you don't need to go to occ health at this stage anyway. All you need to do is self certify as sick for a week then book a doctors appointment to get signed off with anxiety/stress.

You sound completely burnt out. I'd take a month off sick and see how you feel. It might be enough to recharge your batteries. Maybe the GP could suggest a phased return after the month is up.

No they wont

As someone who has seen an entire team decimated by people going off sick for months on end, and the extreme pressure it puts on those who carry on, you are being very unfair.

Op you are catastrophising
Just focus on the next few weeks

Go to GP and get signed off
Once you start to feel a bit better look objectively at work/life
It's amazing how different you can feel once you have a break
Look at how you can make things easier until September.

@Inpww can you clarify please, does you DD currently go to childcare and you are hoping to go off sick to take her out until Sept or do you WFH with no childcare and you are hoping to get her in childcare when you get funded hours in September?

Going off sick is not I can’t cope. If you’re too ill to work then sickness is right. But this feels planned.

My god some of these responses are brutal. OP you’re clearly struggling and trying to get help, I have been there. I would strongly recommend seeing your GP and getting signed off to allow some breathing space, and time for your medication to start helping you. You may need to cycle through a number of medications before finding the most appropriate.

Don’t plan for 6/7 months right now, take it 2 weeks at a time and see how you feel. As PP have pointed out you will need regular check ins with your GP anyway - if at some point you feel ready to go back to work, you can. If not, you can take comfort in knowing your sick pay will allow you the grace to get your mental health under control. Don’t feel pressured to go back too soon.

This will only benefit you, your child and your employer. In your current heightened state no one is getting the best of you, and I mean that kindly.

Make the call today and I guarantee a weight will lift.

To be clear, it's not a bad thing. It's used if your work is or could be suffering due to sickness, or if you are off sick long term. Basically it's a way to assess you and see how you can work.

For example someone in a job with heavy lifting keeps saying they can't work/do certain duties due to bad back. Occupational health would assess them to see if their back is bad, and then would make recommendations such as a support belt, work funded physio, alternate duties, recommendation to load share after X weight etc etc.

This means if the employee was just lying about their bad back they'll likely get caught out or decide it's not worth the hassle - they'll start lifting again. Good news for the employer.

If the employee does have a bad back they will find solutions to get them working in a suitable way. Good news for the employer and the employee! Don't be afraid.

Going off sick is absolutely I can't cope.

I'm currently off due to threatened miscarriage. Second time in a year I've been off for extended period of time for this. Last time I stayed off after my physical health healed because mentally I could not cope. That's a perfectly fine reason to be off sick.

@PregnantForNow thanks. So presumably they will ask about what medication I am on, how it’s impacting me, any symptoms I have etc and they will then suggest to my employer how I can best cope at work so (for example) an alteration to work hours or flexibility on remote working or a new office chair, whatever it may be? Will my employer know the ins and outs of my medical condition?

I love when people say this as if it’s really
easy to find another job that works around life and kids. I know you mean well but it’s just so difficult to do.

OP, take some time off work. it’s hardly
fraudulent to take time off with stress when you are indeed stressed.

You sound completely burnt out and I'm not surprised. So sorry you're going through this and don't have any support. Looking after a young child can be such hard work at the best of times, even with a partner and in a non-intense job.

I think you should go to the GP asap and get signed off for a couple of weeks, then take stock. It's hard to even think straight when you feel like this. I haven't had anxiety like yours, but have been completely overwhelmed with work, single parenting and life (and mine are older, my job isn't as taxing and I do have some support!) that I started messing up at work, forgetting my words, struggling with memory - it is horrible feeling like you can't function. I think before you look at any interim solutions you need to rest, sleep and then be able to make some plans.

It might be when you speak to Occ Health your hours could be temporarily reduced until Sept, or there'll be something else they can put in place to help you feel well and functioning - especially if it's a big company they may have options you are unaware of.

Please ignore the horrible posters. I don't know what makes some people tick on here, but it's shitty and low behaviour, and doesn't come from a place of truth or experience either.

Occupational health looks at what challenges you have in work and help you to establish reasons le adjustments. Yes, they will have to inform HR of the reasonable adjustments plans as well as the fact that you have a medical condition. This is for your own protection. No, they won't care about your home life and have no responsibilities to assess or report to SS how you manage your child. Unless there is a specific issue you disclose such as neglecting your child, beating them up or whatever.
But, in the unlikely event that SS are informed, they are not going to March into your house and take your child away. They may give you a call and see if they can support you in any way. So it's not really a bad thing either.
The above poster gave an example of someone being prevented from unsupervised contact with the child or but gave no details what led to it. For all we know, the person in question may have been locking the child in the bedroom and not giving them food and water. I am sure you are not doing any of that and having anxiety is not a reason for SS involvement.
I only ever had to do one SS referral and it was for a mother who slept for 16h a day leaving her four year old unsupervised.

You poor thing. You are totally overwhelmed. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I can’t imagine how tough it is. Sorry I have nothing useful to add.

Anyone who needed a couple of weeks to start improve their mental health wouldn't be perceived in any other way.

OP stated, "I wanted to go off sick until dd gets the free 30 hours". That's directly admitting 'trying to work the system', as you call it.

She is sick with anxiety