To go off sick until this happens with nursery?

[Inpww]

I have been struggling loads with working full time with my 2.5 year old. I’m on my own mostly and she sees her dad once a week. He won’t do more, I’ve tried a lot.

I just can’t carry on keeping on top of everything and feeling well. I started taking anxiety medication this month and I’m slowly building up the dose but it’s making me feel a bit shit even though I want to stick with it. I’m just done. I haven’t had a day off in years. My job is incredibly demanding and I don’t really want to lose the income but I almost feel if I don’t go off sick then I will lose my job anyway as I’m just not juggling everything well at all.

I wanted to go off sick until dd gets the free 30 hours in September so that if I then continue to struggle with work I can easily go down to part time without financial worry. If I went down to part time now then I would struggle financially. I have a good sickness policy so would get full pay until July then just have August on statutory sick pay. I’ve never been off sick before (literally except one day 4 years ago!) and so I don’t know how easy it would be to do this. I know my GP is supportive of the anxiety I have felt and which has increased hugely recently hence the medication.

I feel so alone and don’t know what to do.

Also I find that people who have never had a mental health issues don’t understand that getting early and decisively now can mean that you avoid absolutely everything going to shit. And it is much better to get to a point where you can work and support yourself rather than not coping at all.

I would take some time off work, get signed off by your doctor for anxiety.

But I think where you are going wrong is planning to be off until September. That comes across as a bit calculating and not fair on your employer or colleagues.

You may or may not need several months off work to feel better again. Just take a few weeks off for now and then see how you feel.

OP please ignore the people trying to kick you when you're down. By the sounds of it, you're too ill to work at the minute. This is likely to change as your circumstances change, which is great news!

Of course it's not your employer's fault that you're ill. It wouldn't be their fault if you were in a car accident or developed pneumonia either. You're still entitled to sick leave in any of these circumstances though.

Go to your GP and explain how you are feeling regarding your ability to work and put your health before a job that would replace you in a week if you were no longer here.

my job is very intense and we are expected to work long hours (finance).

I don't think this is sustainable if you are a lone parent of a toddler.
What do you mean by long hours?
What do other parents of young children do? Not everyone has support.
What is the difference between your contracted hours and what you actually do?

@satsumaqueen do you mean occupational health might go to social services?

I didn’t expect people to think I was trying to play the system as I’ve never had time off before

There are lots of steps between never having time off and taking six months off 'sick'! You might need a week or two to get some perspective and ease your anxiety so you can make a proper plan, but then you'll be able to see how mad this plan was. Of course you can't be off sick for six months for free childcare. It's not an extra batch of maternity leave that you're entitled to. There will be other ways to make this work, you're just too fried to get a handle on it properly.

Take two or three weeks off sick. Then go back then ask for part-time.

How about get signed off for a month then reasses ?

Hi OP, talk to your GP. You are obviously at breaking point. Responses on here are a bit crap to say the least.

That’s bollocks. Utterly.

Forgive me if I have misunderstood the finances, but rather than taking the financial hit of trying to go off sick or part time, would it be more affordable to get paid wraparound care for early evening? So baby is at nursery from 8.30 - 6pm, and someone collects them from nursery, brings them home, dinner & bath (even if you are there WFH, popping in and out for a kiss) and even bedtime, so you can meet your employer's expectations til 8pm or whatever is a more usual "close the laptop" time? If you had a partner (or ahem were a man) nobody would think you were a bad parent for not doing the evening routine single-handedly).

I think I would sooner try this than damage my income potential/relationship with my employer.

Go and see your GP. There are circumstances where the 30 hours can be brought forward for example, and clearly you’re struggling with a HEALTH issue which absolutely means you can avail of your company SICK leave. Fucks sake some posters are dicks.

If you need time off, you need time off, if you need it for being burnt out and your health is suffering, then its for being burnt out. Continuing this way doesn't benefit you or your daughter. Get signed off by your GP, its not fraudulent for goodness sake, ignore those judgemental remarks. If after a couple of weeks you feel like you would like to reduce your hours or get a nanny, or whatever you don't have now then do it. I work in high pressured financial industry and if you are not a notorious 'sick note' then they will know its because you need sick leave.

No Gp should say yes I will keep signing you off for 7 months so you don’t have to pay childcare.

once you have been signed off work - often 4 weeks - your work will insist on OH involvement. They then may suggest a phased return, to help you return. They will also want to know what your Gp and you are doing to help you with the mental health issues you are facing, and may offer mental health support. If you manage to get your Gp to sign you off for 7ths til finances improve, your work may not just accept you back on full pay at that time.

There will be no immediate referral to social services, but any medical person whether Gp or counsellor can refer at any time if they have concerns.

Whereas being signed off for a few weeks to help you have the space you need and time to work out what you need is a different plan.

A GP may well sign off month on month due to mental health issues, which is clearly what’s going on here.

OP, some of the responses here are harsh but I understand where you are coming from. I also have an almost 3 year old on my own and a job in finance that means I get no financial support. Awaiting my first CMS payment from her dad who sees her once a month and never has her overnight. I am not enjoying my life at the moment, it's very hectic and stressful

I took a month off sick with stress in September when I was in the midst of selling the house I jointly owned with her dad and being emotionally and financially abused. Something had to give and I felt I would lose my job if I wasn't signed off anyway. I would get yourself signed off for 2 weeks to allow some thinking space, I guarantee you won't have had much. Wishing you the very best of luck ❤️

I think it’s fine to find another job, with more regular hours.

What if she doesn’t want or can’t afford that? What do you think sick leave is actually for?

I disagree with almost everyone on this thread. You are struggling with your mental health and that IS what sick leave is for. As for the duration, speak to your GP. Describe your symptoms and the impact it is having on you. Explain that the medication isn't having the desired effect. Ask them for a sick note and let the GP say yes or no, and let the GP decide the duration. This is a health decision that needs to be taken with a health care professional. It's not for Mumsnet to judge how you look after your own wellbeing. It's unlikely they'll sign you off for months, but even two weeks or a month could have you feeling a little more in control. You don't have to solve the whole problem at this point when you're most vulnerable. Take what time the GP recommends and reassess WITH YOUR GP at the end of that period.

I would absolutely go to the GP and get signed off right now. You're clearly struggling with mental health and anxiety and I feel a couple of weeks will let you breathe.

However, sick leave should be used until you feel better, there shouldn't be a fixed end date (unless it's surgery for example). I don't think being off through til September will be the solution you think it will be. Kindly, I think you'll build up the fear of going back to a point it will feel impossible and that level of isolation might not be helpful for your anxiety.

Get signed off now, do some self care, and perhaps look to book 1 day off per week for the majority of weeks until the end of August. A four day week until September should be easier, and then you can officially drop your hours.

Get a sick note from your GP for a couple of weeks, and just breathe. Without work to worry about, you'll be able to look at the rest of your life, and make a plan going forward.
I hope you feel better soon, anxiety can be crippling.

Could you look at part time just until September? Perhaps start with taking some annual leave and if that isn't an option just ask for a note from the doctor for a couple weeks, give yourself time to adjust to the new meds.

You rejected the meeting with OH but you can still take it, tell them you changed your mind and would like to discuss it and see if part time just for a few months is an option. This way you give yourself a break but aren't messing with your career and it will give you the break you need.

If I go to occupational health will they go to social services? Or potentially? I am worrying about this now but also want to be honest with my employer

You definitely need time off, even if it’s just to relax and get your ducks in a row however I don’t believe 7 months off is a way to fix things.

Who watches your child now? I’m assuming your dd is at nursery F/T now, I’m struggling to understand how this would help long term as your just delaying things, in sept you’ll still have DD full time and working.