To go off sick until this happens with nursery?

[Inpww]

I have been struggling loads with working full time with my 2.5 year old. I’m on my own mostly and she sees her dad once a week. He won’t do more, I’ve tried a lot.

I just can’t carry on keeping on top of everything and feeling well. I started taking anxiety medication this month and I’m slowly building up the dose but it’s making me feel a bit shit even though I want to stick with it. I’m just done. I haven’t had a day off in years. My job is incredibly demanding and I don’t really want to lose the income but I almost feel if I don’t go off sick then I will lose my job anyway as I’m just not juggling everything well at all.

I wanted to go off sick until dd gets the free 30 hours in September so that if I then continue to struggle with work I can easily go down to part time without financial worry. If I went down to part time now then I would struggle financially. I have a good sickness policy so would get full pay until July then just have August on statutory sick pay. I’ve never been off sick before (literally except one day 4 years ago!) and so I don’t know how easy it would be to do this. I know my GP is supportive of the anxiety I have felt and which has increased hugely recently hence the medication.

I feel so alone and don’t know what to do.

Occupational health are a total waste of time for this.

I do think its worrying how many people think its normal to not be able to manage working a normal full time job.

Whats actually going to change in 6 months? You will still find the job stressful.

This, I totally sympathise OP with your situation, struggling with single parenting and working FT.
I've been there with anxiety and palpitations but the answer isn't to go on sick leave.
I'm not a martyr and I have worked with several people who have taken paid sick leave for mental health reasons ( employer has generous sick leave policy) but I don't believe that this is the answer in your situation.
You are stressed due to circumstances.
Take care OP, take care of yourself as best you can 🙏

Its not normal to struggle working a full time job if you are healthy, but we aren't talking about that. We are talking about someone who is struggling with their mental health, adjusting to new medication and needing some support. Do you genuinely not see the difference?

Of course not. All parents struggle. Why should they support you to do nothing?

The 30 hours wont be free anyway

In my experience to get 6 months sick leave for mental illness you'd need to be extremely unwell, probably with a form of psychosis, under secondary mental health care. People in those situations sometimes still have to keep going back to the GP every month to get a sick note.

I'mnot saying you shouldn't get sick leave if you are unwell with anxiety but just manage your expectations bit.

Can you negotiate a fixed period of time at half-time hours? £35k is a reasonable salary for working only 18 hours per week (ie half-time).

I agree with this totally.
What about the impact on your colleagues?
Please believe I am not being insensitive but it would be unfair to go on paid sick leave for circumstances that apply to many.
That said, I have worked with people who totally monopolise the sick system and there is no different treatment for those who continue going to work, irrespective of circumstances.
Of course there has to be a fair sickness policy as we all get sick but I don't believe that OPs circumstances warrant sick leave

You need to see your GP. They won't sign you off for 7 months at a time but they also won't tell social services your DC is at risk.

You could be signed off for a month and things might look a little better by then.

I know how hard it is. I raised my DS from a baby and it felt impossible sometimes. But you can do this and this will pass.

Before you burn out completely you could look about for something else if you are up to it.

We are talking about someone who is struggling with their mental health, adjusting to new medication and needing some support. Do you genuinely not see the difference?

The bar is too low. Too many people are classifying the normal struggles and challenges of life as "mental health issues", its leaving too few people actually working to desperately support the millions who won't.

We have to get back to being able to weather tough periods, not expect life to be easy, manage through when its a struggle.

But you're not sick

And your employer would want medical proof of your illness from a doctor & what Dr will give you a certificate for 6 months?

If you're off for months then your employer is likely to refer you to occupational health for an independent report on your health.

I just wanted to come on and say how sorry I am, it's sounds like you are trying your best - I'm sending you a big hug!
Take care xx

I think you need to take a few weeks off to sort your head and being off sick is probably the way to go as it will trigger OH. Do engage with work though and personally I’ve always found OH to be positive for the employee and gives you some protection.
You are taking medication that takes a while to settle and they will take that into account.

No doctor will sign you off for 6 months now though. OH might recommend phased return but might include using AL, they might suggest a reduction in work load or very fixed working hours.
Long term you probably might need to think of working somewhere else.
Are you getting the tax break on your nursery, would a childminder be cheaper? Have you got any other support?

Blimey op thinks the GP will sign her off just like that. My dh had a breakdown, epilepsy, and was literally psychotic. initially they signed off every 2 weeks, increasing to monthly. His sick pay ran out. He's not recovered.

Forgot to say that a 6 month sick leave period, will definitely trigger an OH referral.

I was previously off for 8 months in total, for a total hysterectomy and dual cancer diagnosis/ treatment. My Head teacher checked in with me once a month ( or so) before making an OH referral, where we agreed a phased return. I now need IV chemo
and my oncologist has given me a fit note for 2 weeks only.

See how you get on, a couple of weeks at a time.

Heres a suggested plan.

1. Check your annual leave balance. If you’ve got any, get some booked in to take. Just for you, to crash in a heap, watch Downton abbey and then go for a walk to a cafe.
2. Go and see your GP again and talk about how you’re coping. A week off sick with child in nursery may make it all a bit easier to adjust.
3. Get that occupational health referral. They are basically the bridge between medical stuff and work. You tell them the health stuff, they work out how to make work and health work better together. They tell your employer what they recommend. Eg. Height adjustable desk, more regular breaks, reduced hours for a phased return program. They don’t say why, that’s your confidential health info. They just say what’s needed.
4. Check whether you’ve got an employee assistance program. You probably do. Call them for some support. Your employer only gets usage stats (so 36 contacts this month, 12 for legal advice, 15 mental health support etc).
5. Read your jobs flexible working policy. 4 days a week at 85% FTE may not change the money in your pocket. The last bit requires a full charge nursery day and is probably 40% taxed.

Bloody hell, that's harsh, your poor DH. Does he get any SSP?

No. This is totally not going to happen unless a person had such severe mental health issues that they were a danger to themselves or their child. Occ health see people day in day out with anxiety and depression.
Take this worry out of your equation

Please don’t worry about social services.

Between the years of 2019 and 2022 I was under careful watch by my OH department because of a chronic illness I had (epilepsy) that made working very difficult. I had three periods of prolonged sickness (my longest being 9 months) and as well as working with OH, I was also having regular meetings with my GP, my managers and my Consultant, and I was on anti-anxiety medication and having courses of CBT.

OH and my medical team went above and beyond to try and make work more bearable for me in terms of my health condition and even though I had three years of intense input from them I didn’t hear a peep from social services. My children were 2 years old and 5 years old when all my problems started and it was never once suggested I was any kind of risk to them. Social services wasn’t on anyone’s radar at all!

Can you imagine what would happen if SS had to investigate every lone parent who suffered from anxiety and felt overwhelmed with work at times? It just doesn’t happen.

There you go, OP, ace advice! Have a good read through, loads of good suggestions made.

Go off sick with stress, but take it a couple of weeks at a time. It sounds like you are burning out and struggling with mental health so you have a legitimate reason to take some time away.

Take a week sick leave and then read this back and really think how you feel. Maybe you can justify a second week off. You sound completely overwhelmed and at the end of your tether. Something has got to give and it can't be your DD so it has to be your work. Some time alone, sleep, catching up on yourself and stepping away from work stress might be all you need. Its not that you can't cope with the next six months, you absolutely can but you are worn out and need a break right now.

Single parent here with no family support and a waste of space ExH. I remember preschool age with DS was the hardest. I was exhausted physically and mentally. I worked 3 days per week and had DS in childcare 4 days so that I could get life admin done/go to appts/lie in bed when needed.

Astonishing number of thickets who think that burn out and anxiety are not an illness.

Burn out is not a recognised illness. Anxiety is recognised as an illness when it becomes persistent and interferes with daily life; it needs a diagnosis.

OP may well meet the criteria for a clinical diagnosis of anxiety.

People making suggestions or questioning whether OP's situation merits being signed off from work for months does not make them thickets (isn't that just a bunch of trees?) and I would like to think a good GP would not blithely sign her off.