To go off sick until this happens with nursery?

[Inpww]

I have been struggling loads with working full time with my 2.5 year old. I’m on my own mostly and she sees her dad once a week. He won’t do more, I’ve tried a lot.

I just can’t carry on keeping on top of everything and feeling well. I started taking anxiety medication this month and I’m slowly building up the dose but it’s making me feel a bit shit even though I want to stick with it. I’m just done. I haven’t had a day off in years. My job is incredibly demanding and I don’t really want to lose the income but I almost feel if I don’t go off sick then I will lose my job anyway as I’m just not juggling everything well at all.

I wanted to go off sick until dd gets the free 30 hours in September so that if I then continue to struggle with work I can easily go down to part time without financial worry. If I went down to part time now then I would struggle financially. I have a good sickness policy so would get full pay until July then just have August on statutory sick pay. I’ve never been off sick before (literally except one day 4 years ago!) and so I don’t know how easy it would be to do this. I know my GP is supportive of the anxiety I have felt and which has increased hugely recently hence the medication.

I feel so alone and don’t know what to do.

OP - please don’t fear Occupational Health. They can be a great support and help you work through potential reasonable adjustments.

Op is catastrophising, it's part of the anxiety
Please stop being so unpleasant
She can't see any other way forward rn
Hopefully time, space, medication and support will see her through

I think right now it seems like you could benefit from being signed off work for a couple of weeks or so to get over the bump whilst the medication takes over. I don't think (sorry) that it's a realistic plan to stay off sick until September.

But once you've had a break and some time out and the medication is doing it's job, you might well feel better about going back to work.

Being anxious doesn't mean you pre-plan 6 months off until such a time as your outgoings and responsibilities change.

So you think her employer should foot the bill because she fancies sitting about on full pay for 6 months?

OP, get yourself signed off sick for a month and use that time to formulate a plan for going forward.

I wouldn't necessarily ask request a fit note for 6 months though, as that does present as a bit "planned".

Life isn't easy and crikey, you more than likely have many years of work life ahead of you? If you need the time, take it.

In your shoes, I would self cert for 7 days, get a Dr's appt and see if you can get a fit note for at least 4 weeks.
My biggest mistake is not taking time off sick for my mental health, and just ploughing on.
You have a daughter depending on you to look after yourself. You sound distressed.
If your employer has anything about them, they will have some resources such as counselling to help you.

But you are trying to play the system. It’s one thing burning out and taking a few days or even as long as it takes to genuinely recover. But you are talking about a very calculated plan to take 6 months off purely to get to the point where your child is entitled to extra free childcare hours. What is that if it isn’t playing the system?

Apart front being extremely unfair on your employers and colleagues, you stand a very good chance of damaging your career or even loosing your job by doing this. In the unlikely event that you could consistently hoodwink a doctor to sign you off for that length of time, I think you would really regret it.

Well if you can't work presumably you'll get help from the state? Dint you get free childcare and can you work in those hours?

It would be entirely inappropriate to take the time off sick just because you can't juggle everything.

My advice would be to take some annual leave. When I was absolutely overwhelmed with work/uni/being a single parent even a few days off helped to reduce my anxiety levels. Realistically you’ll be very unlikely to get signed off for that much time/still have a job when you get back. And you’d likely still need to pay for nursery fees unless you want to risk losing your child’s place. The 30 hours funding is term time only so spread across the year it works out a lot less per week plus most nurseries charge top up fees on this so you won’t be in a massively different situation than you are now. There’s only a year and a half till child is in school so do you think you could manage that? Or a job change? Look over finances and see if part time is possible. Also look into UC because even some people that seem to have good incomes somehow still qualify. You can enter your details in a benefit calculator to see if you might qualify.

Only read OP's posts

Not going to help with your anxiety but could you take a mortgage break - until the 30 hours free in September, would that help your finances

It sounds like you aren't coping, if you need time off work to become better then do take it, I know plenty of people who have taken 6 months or more on mental health grounds and successfully returned to work. I think if you hadn't mentioned the childcare issue you may have got more positive responses. Good luck op.

Ask the GP to sign you off for two weeks to help you adjust to the medication and get a handle on your anxiety. You may feel well enough to cope at the end of it. You could also ask work to refer you to occupational health and have a discussion with them about reasonable adjustments to help you cope long term.

That’s a terribly difficult situation you’re in. I don’t know whether you should go off sick for 7 months but it sounds like you could get signed off for a while and see if a rest helps you to recover a bit. You’re in the thick of it now and it might be hard to see things clearly and think things through. Wish you well.

You might find that a few weeks off whilst your child is in childcare is enough to reset.

Also, I'd look in to the possibility of claiming 85% of childcare back through UC. Many people that would not normally be entitled to UC are eligible to claim the childcare element.

I paid £1500 a month for years thinking I wouldn't be eligibility. Then I started working for them I realised I probably would have been.

Wait till you lose it then. Going sick is not a viable plan

Can you do anything to reduce any outgoings and make part time work more manageable? Move somewhere cheaper?

Sounds like you are stressed/amxious/depressed.

The doctor has given you meds. I see no reason to ask to be signed off - he'll do it for a couple of weeks at a time probably.

Ignore the posts saying you are playing the system - you are struggling mentally and mental illness is just as real as a physical illness.

Take care of yourself. Social services will not be involved.

This is actually exactly what having anxiety is. Catastrophising, over thinking, trying to plan things way too far in advance as a poor coping mechanism. OP is assuming she will be unable to cope right through til August. Someone without anxiety wouldn't feel certain things will still be terrible in 6 months time.

Luckily a doctor doesn't sign you off for multiple months at a time. You generally get two weeks at a time, and keep checking in along the way. If 6 months is needed, then so be it, but the aim for OP and the GP will be that she feels able to cope before then and is able to manage a return to work.

Sickness policy is for the genuinely sick. Working life is what generates working income, so anyone wanting to “go off sick” so they don’t have to have the working life part but still get the working income part very much is working the system.

Do not do occupational health at the mo.

Take time off to destress and then occupational health can be involved with your reintegration into work - perhaps a staggered return etc.

Im sorry but are you saying mental health issues are exclusively an issue women suffer?

And have you seriously read that someone is suffering and your first thought was I will goad and berate? What on earth is wrong with you! If you can't offer actual advice then why the need to be so nasty?

And did you decide you wouldn’t cope for 6 months?

Have you considered finding a job in finance in a less stressful role? I work in government finance and whilst I do have to do long hours at certain times of the month/year, I get time back in lieu and in between times are not as busy. I definitely feel busy enough, but not too busy.
The pay is still pretty good, I work 4 days (0.8 FTE) for £50k.