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Original poster

AIBU to think there is nothing else I can do to get my child back?

166 replies

Helpmepleasevictim · 27/01/2025 12:37

My ex has accused me of physical abuse towards him and I was arrested for it. I am currently on bail for another 5 weeks and then have to attend a police interview. I gave a no comment interview when I was arrested as advised by my solicitor as my ex will use what I said against me. I have never laid a finger on him but he has beat me up several times.

I haven’t seen my children since before Christmas and he is a neglectful father. The school won’t let me pick my children up even though I am allowed to see them, they said their dad has told them I am unsafe and the school said it’s a safeguarding issue.

Social services aren’t interested either as I haven’t done anything wrong.

AIBU to think there is nothing else I can do but wait for the courts to allow me contact with my children?

I am desperate and very much worried about what they have been told and why they think they haven’t seen me.

I am not allowed to contact my ex as per my bail conditions.

OP posts:
User67556 · 27/01/2025 12:39

Surely you can get evidence from social services to explain what has happened and that you do have the right to pick your children up from school? They can't just take one parent's word over the other?!

Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 27/01/2025 12:42

The police have rang my ex and the school to say I am allowed to see the children but they won’t budge.

OP posts:
Mayflyoff · 27/01/2025 12:44

Would a solicitor letter to the school move things along?

User67556 · 27/01/2025 12:46

Helpmepleasevictim · 27/01/2025 12:42

The police have rang my ex and the school to say I am allowed to see the children but they won’t budge.

Then you need to go to school and make an appointment with the Head teacher and explain that the police have contacted you, you've been told I'm allowed to see them and you must not take one parent's account of things over another ESPECIALLY when told by the authorities that you are allowed to see them. Doesn't sound like you've done anything proactive here to be honest. This also is not the first time you've posted about this and have had advice. Have you made a counter claim to social services/the police regarding your ex's neglect?

willquestionwith · 27/01/2025 12:46

So what was the contact before this happened ? Why haven't you seen your kids since before Xmas ?

Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 27/01/2025 13:18

Social services told me that they can’t do anything. The school would have been contacted by social services if there was an issue anyway. The very fact that they haven’t been in touch with the school would surely be enough?

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 27/01/2025 13:20

I had the children most of the time before Christmas. He had them every Saturday.

OP posts:
JLou08 · 27/01/2025 13:23

Contact womens aid, you may be able to get free legal representation in the family court to get an order about the children's residency and contact. Go to the school and tell them they are breaking the law by withholding your children when you have PR and there is no evidence that you are a risk to them.
If you don't have it already gather any evidence you can of his abuse, and pictures, text messages, voicemails, hospital attendance, make sure you have a copy of the assessment social services have done.

UrsulasHerbBag · 27/01/2025 13:24

This sounds like every mums worst nightmare. I don’t have much advice but I would suggest citizens advice, engaging a solicitor to support you and possibly woman’s aid. The reason for woman’s aid is because they will have come across abusive men that turn the tables on women in this way before. They might at least be able to sign post you to further help.

InkHeart2024 · 27/01/2025 13:25

The school are not allowed to withhold your children without a court order. Have you had legal advice? Have you ever reported his abuse of you to police?

Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 27/01/2025 13:25

User67556 · 27/01/2025 12:46

Then you need to go to school and make an appointment with the Head teacher and explain that the police have contacted you, you've been told I'm allowed to see them and you must not take one parent's account of things over another ESPECIALLY when told by the authorities that you are allowed to see them. Doesn't sound like you've done anything proactive here to be honest. This also is not the first time you've posted about this and have had advice. Have you made a counter claim to social services/the police regarding your ex's neglect?

Show quote history

How dare you! I have done everything possible to see them! I have had a telephone conversation with the head teacher who refused to allow me on the premises.

It is the first time I have posted about this! You must have me confused with someone else!

I am paying through the nose for a solicitor.

You have made me very upset.

OP posts:
InkHeart2024 · 27/01/2025 13:26

If you are paying for a solicitor what do they say about school?

Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 27/01/2025 13:26

InkHeart2024 · 27/01/2025 13:25

The school are not allowed to withhold your children without a court order. Have you had legal advice? Have you ever reported his abuse of you to police?

I never reported him to the police. The sergeant rang the school to tell them I can see my children and they are refusing to allow this. I have a senior job in a hospital working with children.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 27/01/2025 13:27

InkHeart2024 · 27/01/2025 13:26

If you are paying for a solicitor what do they say about school?

My solicitor sent an email to the school. They haven’t replied.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 27/01/2025 13:28

I know the school aren’t allowed to stop me from picking my children up but they are.

OP posts:
Deathraystare · 27/01/2025 13:29

This is why if he has physically abused you , you should have reported it to Police. Did you???

Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 27/01/2025 13:32

No I didn’t report him because he was under stress and said he wouldn’t do it again. It happened a few times over the course of our relationship. I didn’t want him to leave me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 27/01/2025 13:38

Please, just help me get my children back. I can’t function without them. They must be so worried about why I have disappeared.

OP posts:
PeriPeriMam · 27/01/2025 13:43

Helpmepleasevictim · 27/01/2025 13:38

Please, just help me get my children back. I can’t function without them. They must be so worried about why I have disappeared.

With all kindness,what is this solicitor who you are paying through the nose for advising you to do? You should try women's aid as well and you should report his previous abuse to the police. Be very aware, a police bail meeting may be currently set for five weeks, but if you're not a huge priority for them (because, very sorry but you may well not be), they may well postpone this. You can get great general advice on mumsnet but this needs a lot more than that

InkHeart2024 · 27/01/2025 13:44

Helpmepleasevictim · 27/01/2025 13:32

No I didn’t report him because he was under stress and said he wouldn’t do it again. It happened a few times over the course of our relationship. I didn’t want him to leave me.

Do you have any evidence? Did you tell anyone or take pictures? You can report him now

InkHeart2024 · 27/01/2025 13:44

Helpmepleasevictim · 27/01/2025 13:38

Please, just help me get my children back. I can’t function without them. They must be so worried about why I have disappeared.

Your lawyer is the one who can help you with this, not mums net

WhatTheKey · 27/01/2025 13:50

The school are acting very strangely here- why on earth would they do this if instructed by both the police and social services that you are to have access to your own children?! They can't just stop you seeing them! What are their reasoning? It can't be just that your ex has told them not to, he doesn't have that much power. Are you sure you know the whole story here?
Your solicitor should have been able to sort this in a few days. Contact your MP and CAB now.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 27/01/2025 14:02

I'm not sure OP is giving us the full story here

BabyFever246 · 27/01/2025 14:04

Then get your arse to court and apply for an emergency order.

Lavender14 · 27/01/2025 14:11

Op you need to engage with womens aid who can help advocate on your behalf. You need to make a report re: neglect to social services about your ex. I'd be requesting in writing something from social services to say you are allowed to have unsupervised contact with your children and provide that to the school with a letter from your solicitor saying that if they continue to block you from collecting your children you will take further legal action. You need to make a counter complaint to the police re: the abuse you suffered from your ex with as much information as possible to document this with them. You need to ask your solicitor to apply for a residency order for your children to live with you or a family arrangement order around contact.

You say you're paying a lot for a solicitor but really your solicitor should have advised you of all this already. I'd be finding a new one well versed in domestic abuse and family law