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Original poster

AIBU to think there is nothing else I can do to get my child back?

166 replies

Helpmepleasevictim · 27/01/2025 12:37

My ex has accused me of physical abuse towards him and I was arrested for it. I am currently on bail for another 5 weeks and then have to attend a police interview. I gave a no comment interview when I was arrested as advised by my solicitor as my ex will use what I said against me. I have never laid a finger on him but he has beat me up several times.

I haven’t seen my children since before Christmas and he is a neglectful father. The school won’t let me pick my children up even though I am allowed to see them, they said their dad has told them I am unsafe and the school said it’s a safeguarding issue.

Social services aren’t interested either as I haven’t done anything wrong.

AIBU to think there is nothing else I can do but wait for the courts to allow me contact with my children?

I am desperate and very much worried about what they have been told and why they think they haven’t seen me.

I am not allowed to contact my ex as per my bail conditions.

OP posts:
MistressoftheDarkSide · 10/02/2025 16:17

Dramatic · 10/02/2025 15:27

I know the system is slow and you are passed from pillar to post. I also know that schools will not stop a parent from picking their child up unless there is a court order or unless they have evidence that the child will be in danger, at which point they would have to ring the police/SS. They categorically do not just keep someone's children on the say so of the other parent.

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If you say so.

Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 10/02/2025 21:28

I would love to name the school on here. It’s in Leeds.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 26/02/2025 19:25

He didn’t attend court. Again, more delays. 😭😭😭

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 26/02/2025 19:29

Dramatic · 10/02/2025 15:27

I know the system is slow and you are passed from pillar to post. I also know that schools will not stop a parent from picking their child up unless there is a court order or unless they have evidence that the child will be in danger, at which point they would have to ring the police/SS. They categorically do not just keep someone's children on the say so of the other parent.

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Then why is this happening?

OP posts:
InkHeart2024 · 26/02/2025 19:36

Helpmepleasevictim · 26/02/2025 19:29

Then why is this happening?

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The school is apparently breaking the law! I know you said you had your solicitor write to them but it can't have been very effectively written. If you had turned up at school and refused to leave without your children and they called police you would have left with your children. It's too late now, it's in court and you have to wait for the hearing.

AlexandrinaH · 26/02/2025 19:37

Idontjetwashthefucker · 27/01/2025 14:02

I'm not sure OP is giving us the full story here

I agree, unfortunately. If she’s on bail, she’s been charged, and they would only charge if they had enough evidence to do so. The CPS have to agree to make the charge upon presentation of the evidence.

I am not saying she committed the crime, but there is sufficient reason for the police/CPS to believe she did.

Perhaps this is why the school are reluctant?

AlexandrinaH · 26/02/2025 19:45

AlexandrinaH · 26/02/2025 19:37

I agree, unfortunately. If she’s on bail, she’s been charged, and they would only charge if they had enough evidence to do so. The CPS have to agree to make the charge upon presentation of the evidence.

I am not saying she committed the crime, but there is sufficient reason for the police/CPS to believe she did.

Perhaps this is why the school are reluctant?

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Sorry OP, my point is incorrect. It doesn’t mean you have been charged but there is something making them keep you on bail rather than simply letting you go.

You should not have answered no comment at the interview. Every time I see/hear this I assume they committed the crime. Perhaps wrong, but I doubt I’m the only one.

Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 26/02/2025 20:05

I am shocked at the number of people who think I am the one who is in the wrong. So anyone can just tell lies about another and they are believed?

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 26/02/2025 20:09

AlexandrinaH · 26/02/2025 19:45

Sorry OP, my point is incorrect. It doesn’t mean you have been charged but there is something making them keep you on bail rather than simply letting you go.

You should not have answered no comment at the interview. Every time I see/hear this I assume they committed the crime. Perhaps wrong, but I doubt I’m the only one.

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I was advised to by my solicitor.

OP posts:
stichguru · 26/02/2025 20:35

What actually happens if you go to pick your child up with evidence of your parental rights? I mean if everything you say is true presumably the police order them to give you your kids. Or of course, you know that the police know you shouldn't have contact with your kids and they would arrest you for trying...

InkHeart2024 · 26/02/2025 20:43

stichguru · 26/02/2025 20:35

What actually happens if you go to pick your child up with evidence of your parental rights? I mean if everything you say is true presumably the police order them to give you your kids. Or of course, you know that the police know you shouldn't have contact with your kids and they would arrest you for trying...

It's too late for that now anyway. The courts would look very dimly on someone who applies to court then takes their child out of school whilst waiting for a hearing. She could have done this right at the beginning (assuming there are no bail conditions in place)

MotionofTime · 26/02/2025 21:11

Helpmepleasevictim · 26/02/2025 20:05

I am shocked at the number of people who think I am the one who is in the wrong. So anyone can just tell lies about another and they are believed?

Edited

I believe you, OP. It's awful this is happening to you.

This happened to someone I know years ago, it was purely down to her DH having a very high position (Police) so he was able to play such a vindictive game to seperate the kids from their mum. He didn't care about the kids, he was physically abusive to my friend, he did it because he could.

SALaw · 26/02/2025 23:41

Was the court hearing about the criminal prosecution against you or an action by you against the school?

Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 27/02/2025 06:58

stichguru · 26/02/2025 20:35

What actually happens if you go to pick your child up with evidence of your parental rights? I mean if everything you say is true presumably the police order them to give you your kids. Or of course, you know that the police know you shouldn't have contact with your kids and they would arrest you for trying...

The police can’t order them. It is apparently not criminal but a civil matter. The school refused to let the children out of school when I was there. Don’t you know how embarrassing it is to have all of the other mums and dads look at me and think I am in the wrong. My ex is very prominent in our community and has a job that is extremely respected. I don’t. He is believed. I’m not!

OP posts:
Blushingm · 27/02/2025 07:10

To be charged for physical abuse though they must have had thought they had enough evidence to present to the CPS? And the CPS then agreeing. The police etc wouldn't waste their time if they didn't think there was something you'd done wrong - did you do anything physically violent towards your husband? What evidence do they have? I'm not saying everyone who gets charged is guilty but there must be a reason why they think you're violent

I can understand why the school are uncomfortable. If a woman said her husband had been charged with assaulting her and the children were with her, they'd have concerns about the father coming to school especially if the mother had told them he posed a risk - they're in a very difficult position

InkHeart2024 · 27/02/2025 07:28

Blushingm · 27/02/2025 07:10

To be charged for physical abuse though they must have had thought they had enough evidence to present to the CPS? And the CPS then agreeing. The police etc wouldn't waste their time if they didn't think there was something you'd done wrong - did you do anything physically violent towards your husband? What evidence do they have? I'm not saying everyone who gets charged is guilty but there must be a reason why they think you're violent

I can understand why the school are uncomfortable. If a woman said her husband had been charged with assaulting her and the children were with her, they'd have concerns about the father coming to school especially if the mother had told them he posed a risk - they're in a very difficult position

There are things the school can do but ultimately they have to follow the law and hand the children over to the parent unless directed not to by a court order or the police.

OP are you saying you went to collect your children and left because it was too embarrassing to insist?

Blushingm · 27/02/2025 07:32

@InkHeart2024 it sounds like they rang the dad and he came which I think was the most sensible thing to do

Must have been very upsetting for the children to have their mum do this. Just turning up to the school and causing a scene is not the way to go about it. Yes she wants to see them but doing this and upsetting them and others at the school (she said she was being stared at etc) is not best for the children

Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 27/02/2025 08:13

There is no evidence! I am a size 8, he is slight overweight! I couldn’t hurt a fly!

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 27/02/2025 08:16

InkHeart2024 · 27/02/2025 07:28

There are things the school can do but ultimately they have to follow the law and hand the children over to the parent unless directed not to by a court order or the police.

OP are you saying you went to collect your children and left because it was too embarrassing to insist?

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He works right next door to the school. The headteacher tang him and he came straight over. I had to leave as I can’t be near him or I would have been arrested for breaching my bail conditions.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 27/02/2025 08:16

Blushingm · 27/02/2025 07:32

@InkHeart2024 it sounds like they rang the dad and he came which I think was the most sensible thing to do

Must have been very upsetting for the children to have their mum do this. Just turning up to the school and causing a scene is not the way to go about it. Yes she wants to see them but doing this and upsetting them and others at the school (she said she was being stared at etc) is not best for the children

I didn’t cause a scene!!! I haven’t done anything wrong!

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 27/02/2025 08:17

Helpmepleasevictim · 27/02/2025 08:13

There is no evidence! I am a size 8, he is slight overweight! I couldn’t hurt a fly!

The CPS has charged you, even though there is no evidence ? What evidence did the police introduce in your interview ?

Small people can assault larger people .

Blushingm · 27/02/2025 08:24

Even size 8 people can hurt others, even overweight others. You've not said what evidence they have - a few people have asked

You said yourself people were staring. And turning up to school and the school asking you to leave - the children seeing this is a scene. You knew there would be a scene

Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 27/02/2025 08:38

ExtraOnions · 27/02/2025 08:17

The CPS has charged you, even though there is no evidence ? What evidence did the police introduce in your interview ?

Small people can assault larger people .

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There is no evidence! Just his word against mine! He said I hot him over the head with a pan! He has no evidence BECAUSE I didn’t do anything!

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 27/02/2025 08:39

Blushingm · 27/02/2025 08:24

Even size 8 people can hurt others, even overweight others. You've not said what evidence they have - a few people have asked

You said yourself people were staring. And turning up to school and the school asking you to leave - the children seeing this is a scene. You knew there would be a scene

He has spread rumours about me all over school. He is daying my child’s friends mum.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 27/02/2025 08:41

Blushingm · 27/02/2025 08:24

Even size 8 people can hurt others, even overweight others. You've not said what evidence they have - a few people have asked

You said yourself people were staring. And turning up to school and the school asking you to leave - the children seeing this is a scene. You knew there would be a scene

So I just accept that I can’t do anything because I have had fake accusations made against me. Please tell me what you would do oh wise one because I am out of ideas! He won’t accept a phone call from anyone I know and my parents have tried countless times. He is a man in power and is believed because is his status in the community.

OP posts: