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Original poster

AIBU to think there is nothing else I can do to get my child back?

166 replies

Helpmepleasevictim · 27/01/2025 12:37

My ex has accused me of physical abuse towards him and I was arrested for it. I am currently on bail for another 5 weeks and then have to attend a police interview. I gave a no comment interview when I was arrested as advised by my solicitor as my ex will use what I said against me. I have never laid a finger on him but he has beat me up several times.

I haven’t seen my children since before Christmas and he is a neglectful father. The school won’t let me pick my children up even though I am allowed to see them, they said their dad has told them I am unsafe and the school said it’s a safeguarding issue.

Social services aren’t interested either as I haven’t done anything wrong.

AIBU to think there is nothing else I can do but wait for the courts to allow me contact with my children?

I am desperate and very much worried about what they have been told and why they think they haven’t seen me.

I am not allowed to contact my ex as per my bail conditions.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 27/02/2025 08:42

I can not believe so many people believe him. I have basically no chance of getting my children back. There is nothing left for me than suicide

OP posts:
Helpmepleasevictim · 27/02/2025 08:46

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Blushingm · 27/02/2025 08:51

I didn't say it's easy but you have to accept it - turning up to school is not the way to go about it - surely your solicitor told you this?

And trying to get friends or family to contact him on your behalf is also not acceptable - your solicitor will tell you this too

You're making things worse by behaving in this way - you'll be ultimately upsetting the children as they'll be aware of it and it also paints you in a bad light to the police etc

maddening · 27/02/2025 08:52

he sounds awful! He is using his position and the authorities to abuse you!

Is the court for.custody?

Wishing you lots of luck and that you are back with your dc.

Also, would social services not be concerned about his behaviour? Can you raise a case against him as he is essentially abusing his dc by refusing them from seeing you?

InkHeart2024 · 27/02/2025 08:52

Helpmepleasevictim · 27/02/2025 08:13

There is no evidence! I am a size 8, he is slight overweight! I couldn’t hurt a fly!

I heard this exact line from a mother who threatened to stab her ex partner and asserted he shouldn't have taken her threat seriously because she was only 8 stone and couldn't actually hurt him. Just saying.

InkHeart2024 · 27/02/2025 08:53

Helpmepleasevictim · 27/02/2025 08:38

There is no evidence! Just his word against mine! He said I hot him over the head with a pan! He has no evidence BECAUSE I didn’t do anything!

Show quote history

It's not possible that you've been charged with no evidence.

InkHeart2024 · 27/02/2025 08:56

maddening · 27/02/2025 08:52

he sounds awful! He is using his position and the authorities to abuse you!

Is the court for.custody?

Wishing you lots of luck and that you are back with your dc.

Also, would social services not be concerned about his behaviour? Can you raise a case against him as he is essentially abusing his dc by refusing them from seeing you?

I'm pretty sure this was discussed way up thread but social services don't get involved in private contact proceedings unless ordered to by the court. Also bear in mind she's apparently been charged with assault by hitting the man with a pan. You only have her word that she didn't do this.

maddening · 27/02/2025 09:00

InkHeart2024 · 27/02/2025 08:56

I'm pretty sure this was discussed way up thread but social services don't get involved in private contact proceedings unless ordered to by the court. Also bear in mind she's apparently been charged with assault by hitting the man with a pan. You only have her word that she didn't do this.

Show quote history

Personally I believe her - it sounds like a malicious report imo

noctilucentcloud · 27/02/2025 09:01

Helpmepleasevictim · 27/02/2025 08:42

I can not believe so many people believe him. I have basically no chance of getting my children back. There is nothing left for me than suicide

There is always other options (I say that as someone who's been there). If you are actively wanting to end your life now, please go to a&e or call 999. If you're not actively wanting to end your life now, then please go and see your GP. There's also helplines like the Samaritans. I know its tough not seeing your children, but this might change in the future. Committing suicide means you will 100% not see them again. And it'll also create a whole heap of difficult emotions for them. I'm not trying to say this to make you feel worse, but just to remind you that what seems a painless option really isn't. Please get yourself help, things can get better however hopeless they seem now.

maddening · 27/02/2025 09:01

InkHeart2024 · 27/02/2025 08:53

It's not possible that you've been charged with no evidence.

Show quote history

Yes it is, what evidence do you think exists?

maddening · 27/02/2025 09:02

InkHeart2024 · 27/02/2025 08:52

I heard this exact line from a mother who threatened to stab her ex partner and asserted he shouldn't have taken her threat seriously because she was only 8 stone and couldn't actually hurt him. Just saying.

Show quote history

And what evidence is there that you are telling the truth here 🤔

Blushingm · 27/02/2025 09:10

InkHeart2024
It's not possible that you've been charged with no evidence.

Yes it is, what evidence do you think exists?

Perhaps he has marks from being hit with a pan? Just a suggestion?

InkHeart2024 · 27/02/2025 09:13

maddening · 27/02/2025 09:01

Yes it is, what evidence do you think exists?

Show quote history

In order for the CPS to charge there must be evidence. Either witnesses, recordings or injuries/DNA evidence. The CPS will not charge with no evidence. That's how they work.

InkHeart2024 · 27/02/2025 09:14

maddening · 27/02/2025 09:02

And what evidence is there that you are telling the truth here 🤔

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🙄

Blushingm · 27/02/2025 09:39

If the CPS charges everyone who had an allegation made against them it would be impossible - they must feel there is some truth to the allegation

Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 27/02/2025 11:02

Blushingm · 27/02/2025 08:51

I didn't say it's easy but you have to accept it - turning up to school is not the way to go about it - surely your solicitor told you this?

And trying to get friends or family to contact him on your behalf is also not acceptable - your solicitor will tell you this too

You're making things worse by behaving in this way - you'll be ultimately upsetting the children as they'll be aware of it and it also paints you in a bad light to the police etc

I went once only. Didn’t make a scene, didn’t raise my voice at all. I cried. I left because they said they were ringing my ex and I can’t be near them or the police will come. The police do not care at all. There is no evidence I have done anything BECAUSE I didn’t do anything. Just his accusations. He didn’t show up to court because he does not want me to see the children. He is not at all warm with them. The damage that has been caused to my children will be massive. I am the preferred parent. How I am being treated by all agencies is horrific. If I had done something wrong then surely social services would be involved! They are not. I rang and they can’t help because I am not ‘on their books’. The school
have ignore my solicitor. I swear this is all because my ex is believed over me due to his position in the community. I can’t take any more hits. I am out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 27/02/2025 11:02

Blushingm · 27/02/2025 09:39

If the CPS charges everyone who had an allegation made against them it would be impossible - they must feel there is some truth to the allegation

CPS haven’t charger me. The police are apparently investigating but what can they investigate if there is no evidence?

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 27/02/2025 11:03

Blushingm · 27/02/2025 09:39

If the CPS charges everyone who had an allegation made against them it would be impossible - they must feel there is some truth to the allegation

It’s because of who is making the allegations.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 27/02/2025 11:03

InkHeart2024 · 27/02/2025 09:14

🙄

Show quote history

That is the trouble isn’t it? There is no evidence? So I have to prove my innocence as opposed to him proving I did it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 27/02/2025 11:06

InkHeart2024 · 27/02/2025 09:13

In order for the CPS to charge there must be evidence. Either witnesses, recordings or injuries/DNA evidence. The CPS will not charge with no evidence. That's how they work.

Show quote history

There is no evidence. I had one interview. At that point he hadn’t given an interview, just rang up and made allegations. He didn’t go and give his interview and kept putting it off due to his work commitments. He is using this excuse prolong my contact with the children. I am not even sure if he has given evidence. The police keep extending my bail because of this.

OP posts:
Wordau · 27/02/2025 11:13

This is outrageous OP I'm sorry. Don't give up.

You are presumed innocent until proven guilty.

I'm not sure your solicitor is the best you can get. Do they specialise in this sort of case? I'm no expert I'm afraid.

They can't keep extending your bail indefinitely, surely?

Him not showing up to court won't look good.

Can you get a second legal opinion on this?

I know you must be feeling desperate but try to stay calm.

Could you try women's aid?

As assuming all you have said is correct, this is a type of abuse / coercive control.

Blushingm · 27/02/2025 11:35

If you've been released on bail and have bail conditions then you've been charged with something

JustMeBoo · 27/02/2025 11:50

I don't think that's true - my friend is currently on bail with conditions and she hasn't been charged with anything as yet. Police are investigating.

InkHeart2024 · 27/02/2025 11:55

Blushingm · 27/02/2025 11:35

If you've been released on bail and have bail conditions then you've been charged with something

That's not true. Police will release someone on bail when they are just under investigation. Most bail conditions are dropped within 28 days.

MNHQ
CarolineMumsnet · 27/02/2025 12:36

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our https://www.mumsnet.com/webguide/mental-health_ Mental Health resources. You can also go to the https://www.samaritans.org/_ Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.
We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.