AIBU to think there is nothing else I can do to get my child back?

[Helpmepleasevictim]

My ex has accused me of physical abuse towards him and I was arrested for it. I am currently on bail for another 5 weeks and then have to attend a police interview. I gave a no comment interview when I was arrested as advised by my solicitor as my ex will use what I said against me. I have never laid a finger on him but he has beat me up several times.

I haven’t seen my children since before Christmas and he is a neglectful father. The school won’t let me pick my children up even though I am allowed to see them, they said their dad has told them I am unsafe and the school said it’s a safeguarding issue.

Social services aren’t interested either as I haven’t done anything wrong.

AIBU to think there is nothing else I can do but wait for the courts to allow me contact with my children?

I am desperate and very much worried about what they have been told and why they think they haven’t seen me.

I am not allowed to contact my ex as per my bail conditions.

Something doesn't sound right here. The police would only bail if there are some lines of enquiry for them to follow- they can't just bail because they feel like it? Whether that is witnesses/medical records/statements to be taken etc. otherwise it would just be a case of NFA if absolutely no lines of enquiry?
What actually has he accused you of? What happened and were police called at the time?
You've already been interviewed? They can only interview you again for the same offence if they have further evidence to put to you?
I feel for you OP but I don't think anyone here can help you get your children back if a solicitor can't.
If he's got PR he's within his rights if he believes there to be a safeguarding issue to exercise his parental responsibility and keep the children with him.
You'd need to take him to court or get an emergency hearing I would have thought?
I know this myself as I had a MH crisis and the crisis team involved, MH services and social services had no issue with me having my child, in fact they said it would help me. But my ex decided he felt it was a safeguarding issue and kept the children with him for a time against my wishes, but I was told he can exercise his PR to do this.

This is what the solicitor you are "paying through the nose" for is meant to do. Not randoms on a chat board.

You can get an urgent emergency court hearing that should be within the week. Your solicitor can arrange this in family court.

Either of you can take and keep the children. The courts will have to rule on residency and contact, and your solicitor should be getting that in court within days to get an interim order on your contact at the least. There's an emergency hearing form anyone can fill out, though don't know it's reference.
I find the school attitude odd, as they can't stop you taking the kids - this can obviously be a problem in some situations but they've not really found much of a way around it and can only contact the police/SS for help if someone not allowed (by court/SS) shows up to do so.
I'd get onto your solicitor to get the emergency hearing though.

Your solicitor seems best place to help you. That’s what you’re paying them for.

Contact the family court for an emergency hearing - I think you can get same day hearings. Get evidence you're working with a womens DA charity. And do a complaint to the school board maybe?

This thread is why people think Mumsnet is nasty and unwelcoming, shame on you all.

We’re obviously not getting the full story here.

OP was arrested and is still on bail but the school have apparently been contacted to say she can have the kids? Doesn’t sound plausible in the slightest

And the solicitor presumably hasn’t done anything because he can’t.

OP’s best bet is to cooperate with the authorities until all this is over, assuming there isn’t any charge or conviction.

If I had done nothing wrong I would not
‘no comment’ at interview. Your ex wouldn’t be able to use what you said against you because he would not be party to what had been said in interview - only the police. And it would be up to the police to decide then whether they had a case against you or not. In your situation I’d have used it as an opportunity to disclose your ex’a abuse against you as then they may well have changed you from suspect to victim and treated it as malicious.

The only people I’ve seen/known ‘no comment’ through an interview and not cooperate are people who have something to hide and so don’t want to implicate themselves. It certainly raises red flags for police.

Is your solicitor experienced in family law??

Either you are being badly advised or there is more to this than you are telling us.

So you categorically didn't lay a finger on him, there were no marks on his body, no evidence or witnesses, previous exemplary record and good character, yet you still got arrested, charged and are due in court. What has happened here? Why the no comment interview? You are still being permitted to work with children. Something doesn't add up.

Nobody has been nasty to the OP.

She has come on here saying that she’s on bail after being arrested for abusing her children, that she’s not permitted to see them and that her solicitor isn’t able to help at all. She was advised to give no comment in interview, people aren’t advised that without valid reason, but she’s asking MN’ers to help her get her children back when the authorities (even a paid solicitor) is unable to do so.

OP obviously isn’t going to tell us the whole story and that’s her prerogative, but it’s naive to think that someone who comes on here and says they’re on bail for child abuse should get only there-there comments and be blindly believed, or that someone should come up with a magical solution which as yet, the legal avenues have not.

You're not wrong in general but I think it's alleged abuse of her ex husband not of the children

@Helpmepleasevictim Surely a parent can’t make unsubstantiated allegations against another ?
Wouldn't there need to be evidence?

If this was the case parents would be lying all the time to get custody of their children?

as you are paying a solicitor then i would expect them to help you more but firstly I would contact Woman's Aid as they would be used to dealing with situations like this
why can't your solicitor propose at least you seeing the children in a contact centre? at least then you would have some contact i am guessing it would go through court but may be worth pursuing
you could try to appeal to the school's head teacher but it may be worth just leaving things for now until court
i do understand i lost my daughter to my ex once it broke my heart and i never got over it it destroyed me and in the end both my kids went to a foster mum which i still suffer guilt over now

Your solicitor needs to write a letter saying that you have Parental Responsibility for the children and they cannot block you from collecting them from school.

Look on the school's website, find their complaints policy, and follow it.
At the same time contact the local council if the school is maintained, or academy CEO if it's an academy, explain the situation, and tell them that you expect a speedy resolution.
And go and pick your children up. They are not legally allowed to keep them.

Right has the school told you you can't pick them up.
If so - follow complaints and contact the Governors via the Clerk.

Or have you been rude and abusive to staff and they have banned you from the premises? Which is a different kettle of fish.

You need to go to court.

Just a thought - the solicitor who advised you on the criminal case should not be the one you're using for your family case. Also for a criminal interview you can get that free from a duty solicitor- but you said you're paying a lot so I'm not sure whether you did. Either way 2 solicitors are needed - one criminal and one family law

No legal standing. A solicitor will write whatever you want.

Schools can get confused about this sort of issue. Mostly school staff know about education not the law.
The advice from a PP about making a complaint to the school about this seems sound as does getting an emergency court hearing.
Parents retain PR even if accused of crimes even if convicted of crimes. Only a specific legal action can remove PR and its fairly rare.

This is so unhelpful.

Go to school 30 mins before pick up. Tell them to bring your dc to you so you can all go home.

If they refuse, then refuse to leave the building. Have them call the police. Sit in their reception and wait, quietly.

OP you would probably get more helpful responses posting in Relationships or Legal, AIBU can be a vipers nest.

I am not well versed in the legalities of your situation, but I would echo what others have said - contact Women’s Aid for advice and if your solicitor doesn’t specialise in this area then I would find one who does. It sounds like a nightmare, please seek IRL support and take care of yourself.

If the school won't listen good your local council and head of education email address and write them an email advising that school are refusing to allow you to collect your children when the police and solicitor have advised that you are allowed contact. You have parental responsibility and social services aren't involved.