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Original poster

AIBU to think there is nothing else I can do to get my child back?

166 replies

Helpmepleasevictim · 27/01/2025 12:37

My ex has accused me of physical abuse towards him and I was arrested for it. I am currently on bail for another 5 weeks and then have to attend a police interview. I gave a no comment interview when I was arrested as advised by my solicitor as my ex will use what I said against me. I have never laid a finger on him but he has beat me up several times.

I haven’t seen my children since before Christmas and he is a neglectful father. The school won’t let me pick my children up even though I am allowed to see them, they said their dad has told them I am unsafe and the school said it’s a safeguarding issue.

Social services aren’t interested either as I haven’t done anything wrong.

AIBU to think there is nothing else I can do but wait for the courts to allow me contact with my children?

I am desperate and very much worried about what they have been told and why they think they haven’t seen me.

I am not allowed to contact my ex as per my bail conditions.

OP posts:
vivainsomnia · 28/01/2025 11:58

Can you answer one specific question: did you go to the school and picked up your kids? What happened?

Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 08/02/2025 20:17

Yes, they rang their dad and wouldn’t let me see them.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 09/02/2025 10:42

Helpmepleasevictim · 08/02/2025 20:17

Yes, they rang their dad and wouldn’t let me see them.

And then what happened?

Gemmawemma9 · 09/02/2025 11:30

But the school do not have the authority to make that decision? I’d be standing in the school reception screaming bloody murder if this was me-they literally do not have the power to do this yet you’re just accepting it?
Something very fishy here!

Curtainqueen · 09/02/2025 13:04

So much of this just isn't making sense.

InkHeart2024 · 09/02/2025 13:52

Gemmawemma9 · 09/02/2025 11:30

But the school do not have the authority to make that decision? I’d be standing in the school reception screaming bloody murder if this was me-they literally do not have the power to do this yet you’re just accepting it?
Something very fishy here!

She's got legal advice, so I am guessing there is more to it and the school do in fact have that power delegated to them. Otherwise her lawyer would have ripped them a new one.

Jellycatspyjamas · 09/02/2025 14:00

There’s no legal right to withhold the children in the absence of a court order, it’s not an authority that can be delegated to a school. There’s no order placing the children with dad, legally the OP can turn up and collect them. @Helpmepleasevictim I’d turn up at the school with a friend (to help keep you calm and to act as a witness) and tell them you are taking your children - the school can get the police if they want and they can interview you and your kids at your home.

Get your lawyer to start proceedings to put an order in place for contact. Assuming there’s no further action on the assault incident there’s no reason why you wouldn’t be granted contact with your children.

Pootlemcsmootle · 09/02/2025 14:13

Helpmepleasevictim · 08/02/2025 20:17

Yes, they rang their dad and wouldn’t let me see them.

Schools are scared to death of litigiousness and breaking rules when it comes to stuff like this. I have a friend who has been tussling over a phone call to dad at lunchtimes that isn't technically allowed but the judges order on that is sealed so she can only request to the school to stop the calls. It went for a long time as the school said they have absolutely no right to stop calls without legal clarity. Eventually after expensive legal letters and contacting the judge etc the school were in a position to say yes, we can now deny that weekly lunch call.

So in your position there must be a hell of a lot more to the story.

Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 09/02/2025 18:54

I have done NOTHING wrong! My solicitor has written a letter to the school and they have ignored it. I have since written to the school governors and again, it has been ignored.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 09/02/2025 18:56

My court date has come through. It’s in three weeks time. I wonder how quickly I will be able to see my children.

OP posts:
LawrenceSMarlowforPresident · 09/02/2025 20:01

My heart goes out to you. But I don't understand how the school can act in such a blatantly illegal way. I would do as @Jellycatspyjamassuggested. If someone at the school wants to call the police, let them. You have PR, you have every right to pick up your children from school.

Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 09/02/2025 20:21

The school won’t believe me. I have three more weeks to wait. Obviously there will be more than one court session but soon I will be able to see my children. He and the school will have to let me from that point on. I will be taking legal action against the school.

OP posts:
LawrenceSMarlowforPresident · 09/02/2025 20:26

What do they not believe? That you have PR?

Jellycatspyjamas · 09/02/2025 22:04

It’s not about what the school believe, you have parental rights and there is no order preventing you having access to your children. I’d have threatened to have them done for abduction by now.

Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 09/02/2025 22:14

The school are ignoring the fact that I have parental responsibility. They have listened to my ex’s lies about me not being safe. I am not under social services and the police say I can see my children. I didn’t think this could happen. I feel like I am in a bad thriller.

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 09/02/2025 22:22

The school don’t have the power to decide that you are unsafe and withhold your children, only the court can decide that. I’d be going to the education authority and school governors and raising hell that the school are going beyond their legal authority.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 09/02/2025 22:30

@Helpmepleasevictim

Just wanted to say I believe you. Can't offer any advice as it appears you are doing everything you can.

To the naysayers - until you've been caught up in "the system" you have no idea what goes on, how long it takes, and how you can be passed around like a hot potato between "overstretched" agencies who don't seem to give a shit about "the best interests of the child". Simply saying "they can't do that" doesn't change the reality of complex situations as described by the OP, no matter how much you may want it to.

Solidarity and best wishes OP. I hope it gets resolved ASAP.

Gemmawemma9 · 09/02/2025 22:58

But op, literally just turn up and take them? They can’t physically stop you? If they call the police and the police turn up, they’ll tell the school they can’t legally stop you? Unless there’s more than you’re admitting has gone on.

1smallhamsterfoot · 09/02/2025 23:07

Gemmawemma9 · 09/02/2025 22:58

But op, literally just turn up and take them? They can’t physically stop you? If they call the police and the police turn up, they’ll tell the school they can’t legally stop you? Unless there’s more than you’re admitting has gone on.

Surely this is worth a try

RedHelenB · 10/02/2025 09:53

Helpmepleasevictim · 09/02/2025 20:21

The school won’t believe me. I have three more weeks to wait. Obviously there will be more than one court session but soon I will be able to see my children. He and the school will have to let me from that point on. I will be taking legal action against the school.

What legal action do you plan to take against the school?

Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 10/02/2025 11:57

MistressoftheDarkSide · 09/02/2025 22:30

@Helpmepleasevictim

Just wanted to say I believe you. Can't offer any advice as it appears you are doing everything you can.

To the naysayers - until you've been caught up in "the system" you have no idea what goes on, how long it takes, and how you can be passed around like a hot potato between "overstretched" agencies who don't seem to give a shit about "the best interests of the child". Simply saying "they can't do that" doesn't change the reality of complex situations as described by the OP, no matter how much you may want it to.

Solidarity and best wishes OP. I hope it gets resolved ASAP.

Thank you so much. Social services and the police don’t want to know. Only hope is the court system.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmepleasevictim · 10/02/2025 11:59

RedHelenB · 10/02/2025 09:53

What legal action do you plan to take against the school?

Show quote history

I want to make sure that nothing like this can happen to another parent again. The school are in the wrong.

OP posts:
Backtothe90ties · 10/02/2025 12:04

Gemmawemma9 · 09/02/2025 22:58

But op, literally just turn up and take them? They can’t physically stop you? If they call the police and the police turn up, they’ll tell the school they can’t legally stop you? Unless there’s more than you’re admitting has gone on.

I work in a school and this is all we would be able to do. We cannot prevent a parent with PR and where there isn’t a court order from picking up their children. Just go and collect them. I would suggest you go just before the end of the day.

Moonnstars · 10/02/2025 14:45

Backtothe90ties · 10/02/2025 12:04

I work in a school and this is all we would be able to do. We cannot prevent a parent with PR and where there isn’t a court order from picking up their children. Just go and collect them. I would suggest you go just before the end of the day.

Edited
Show quote history

Agreed. I think I said previously we can try and delay the parent taking the children and call dad immediately, but ultimately the school cannot physically prevent someone with PR from taking their children without a court order.

Dramatic · 10/02/2025 15:27

MistressoftheDarkSide · 09/02/2025 22:30

@Helpmepleasevictim

Just wanted to say I believe you. Can't offer any advice as it appears you are doing everything you can.

To the naysayers - until you've been caught up in "the system" you have no idea what goes on, how long it takes, and how you can be passed around like a hot potato between "overstretched" agencies who don't seem to give a shit about "the best interests of the child". Simply saying "they can't do that" doesn't change the reality of complex situations as described by the OP, no matter how much you may want it to.

Solidarity and best wishes OP. I hope it gets resolved ASAP.

I know the system is slow and you are passed from pillar to post. I also know that schools will not stop a parent from picking their child up unless there is a court order or unless they have evidence that the child will be in danger, at which point they would have to ring the police/SS. They categorically do not just keep someone's children on the say so of the other parent.