AIBU to think there is nothing else I can do to get my child back?

[Helpmepleasevictim]

My ex has accused me of physical abuse towards him and I was arrested for it. I am currently on bail for another 5 weeks and then have to attend a police interview. I gave a no comment interview when I was arrested as advised by my solicitor as my ex will use what I said against me. I have never laid a finger on him but he has beat me up several times.

I haven’t seen my children since before Christmas and he is a neglectful father. The school won’t let me pick my children up even though I am allowed to see them, they said their dad has told them I am unsafe and the school said it’s a safeguarding issue.

Social services aren’t interested either as I haven’t done anything wrong.

AIBU to think there is nothing else I can do but wait for the courts to allow me contact with my children?

I am desperate and very much worried about what they have been told and why they think they haven’t seen me.

I am not allowed to contact my ex as per my bail conditions.

I’d be going to collect them and then, if they refuse, calling the police there & then.

Your solicitor doesn’t sound particularly helpful - have they done much other than email the school?

No, but if they are unlawfully withholding her child a solicitor pointing it out would be helpful! A school won't just ignore a letter from a solicitor, they will seek legal advice.

I think the school would do what the poster is saying, my child's school phone me each time their dad picks them up for my permission. There is no court order and he has PR but he is verbally abusive to me and a shit dad (which they know) He got arrested a couple months ago for sending me verbal and threatening messages.
OP family court is long and frustrating you just have to keep going and not give up, it may be that you need to wait for the result of the criminal case and the family court judge to restore contact.

Every time? That's nuts. And if you said no? They would unlawfully withhold his child? Please don't encourage this stupidity.

I've never said no, because it's planned so not sure what they would do but I guess they would ask me to come to collect her (this my secondary school SEN child)

My point wasn't to encourage this but to show that this can happen

That's just not the law though. I'd advise the school.again that you have PR and neither SS or the police have stated you can't pick them up

You have to work closely with your solicitor. Take your ex to court. He has no right to with old your children. Ask your solicitor to write a letter to the school.

Your ex husband is a narcissist remain calm and don't bite use the law. You won't go wrong as long as you follow the law.

As pp's have said the school absolutely cannot stop you from taking your children if you have PR and there is no court order in place. Go to the school and demand (politely) that they bring your children to you. If they try to refuse then call the police, or tell them to call the police. It's illegal for them to not release your children to you (unless there is a lot more you aren't telling us)

I also have an ex who made a malicious false allegation of assault against me, (thankfully no children involved ) it was sorted out quite quickly, once the police had interviewed me and realised what was going on.
My understanding from friends who work in the police, or as lawyers, is that "say no comment" is the advice solicitors give to actual criminals so that they don't have to lie during interview. But in your case, I can't imagine how that could be anything except counterproductive.
You need a better solicitor, who will fight your corner.
Also contact your MP re school not letting you pick up your kids, if you're allowed to.

Do you have any Bail Conditions that would prohibit you from being at the school at pick up?
One common BC is 'to not attend any place you reasonably believe _ would be at' meaning you would be breaching if you went knowing he could be there.
Another common BC is for 'all child contact to be through a third party or solicitor' so you could facilitate seeing them that way.

Have you asked why the school are stopping you seeing them? Have they said anything about the children? Are they asking for you? Are they well?
Have you asked for an appointment with the DSL?

You have confirmation from the police and social services, you could practically threaten them with child abduction! You have or are entitled to lawful control of the children and they are keeping them away from you.

The school are behaving illegally by not allowing you to collect your children, you are within your rights to turn up whenever you want to collect them. Nobody can stop you taking them other than a court or the police. I would suggest you get an emergency court hearing for residence and make a complaint about the school's gross misuse of power. I'm a social worker by the way.

My genuine response...

The times he beat you, you should have taken photos, ideally gone for medical care, but photos with the date and a caption of what he did would've helped, also reaching out to others for evidence with messages.

He's accused you officially so of course it's become a police matter and therefore best interests of children. You didn't report anything so nothing on record. I would like to hope there was some way of doing this, through family or friends, secretly somehow.

As it stands, yes you are viewed as being violent and not have access to your children and I'm sorry about that.

A friend had an abusive husband, he kicked her out, they met up and he abused her in front of cctv. She still didn't get access and do you know why? She was scared, also very vulnerable, drank heavily and took drugs so outcome was she wasn't deemed responsible.

20 years later she's totally fucked up, can't talk as so high all the time to take away the pain.

So which path will you follow? Show you're responsible, scared but will persevere? Or get some help to take back some control, which takes time but will be valid.

Whatever is really happening, I hope is that your children get the best. Xx

”thanks for all the reports. We are just taking this one down while we have a look behind the scenes….”

This all sounds a bit odd, but may be the opening poster isn't explaining herself very well or maybe she has a crap solicitor

The words they say when your arrested are along the lines of "if you do not say something in your defence that you later rely on in court, it may harm your defence". Sorry if I've mangaled that.

So why, if the opening poster did nothing, was she advised to go "no comment" ?

I think it’s “it may harm your defence if you do not mention now something that you later rely on in court’

(I’ve watched far too many police interceptors and 24hrs police custody)

It’s exactly the point here though - by going ‘no comment’ she has not mentioned something which she may later rely on in court.

If you are on bail how are you allowed to still be working in your senior hospital job dealing with children?

Yes that's exactly what it is- it means that if you don't say something in police interview, but later say something in court as a defence, then the court can make a negative inference from that- which is basically that you've had time to come up with an explanation and they will question why you didn't say that when given opportunity by police.

The school would not be able to hold on to the children without a court order in place if you both have PR.
They would be able to call your ex and stall for time if they believed you were to turn up and he has explained that you are a danger due to the case. Ultimately though if you turned up and they had no other reason of concern, they would not be able to hold onto them.

Have no idea what's gone on here, obviously. I suspect there's more to it than we're being told.

But I always feel really sorry for schools in these scenarios. They're teachers who are trying to teach. Unfortunately, they seem to get dragged into the parents mess so often, and are put in v difficult positions.

This is the truth! I can’t tell you his job but he is extremely senior and I think he is believed because of this. I have done NOTHING wrong. My solicitor can’t do any more than they are doing. The police say it’s a civil matter and they can’t make him let me see our children.

I've not read the full thread but I would also contact your local MP

I have already emailed my local MP. Still awaiting a response. Thank you so much for your help. I think I am reassured that I have done everything possible. This shouldn’t happen to anyone but I have heard that it does.