Suicidal after abortion

[Summersam97]

Hello. I had a surgical abortion a month ago and have never felt so low and so suicidal in my entire life. Please someone help me

Your hormones will have dropped drastically. I hope you can get the right support.

Holding you in my thoughts. I've been there too, admiditly not suicidal but I felt very low after my termination and cried for days. My body knew something was missing, that acute grief stage did pass though.
We are all thinking of you. These descions are soo difficult. 🌸

It took me a long time but remember we are all different. I didn't know if I would ever be pregnant again or have a child and grieved terribly. I was very ill but I'm here with a family now. If you need mental health support there is help available.

I’m really sorry you are feeling so low, I have been very low before under different circumstances and have taking the medication you have been prescribed and it has really helped me and my dose is 100mg now, which gradually went up over time and has been this dose for over a year. So my experience on Zoloft is postitive.

with regards to your abortion, I would try and maybe think about it in a way that your pregnancy at that point wasn’t viable, it wasn’t a baby at 5 weeks, it was some cells at that point it wasn’t a physical baby. And that sounds really harsh but it wasn’t. The cells had no feelings. And you might feel like it’s a mistake and you wish you didn’t do it, and that’s ok, I would think it’s probably normal because it’s so fresh and raw. But you don’t know how it would have panned out if you continued with the pregnancy, it could have naturally ended, it could have been poorly, you just don’t know. But that decision has been made, and as sad as you feel about it, it was the right one because it’s happened. You have another child and that child needs you, the child you physically have and love and care for needs you. That child loves and adores you. You wouldn’t want that child to be without you, imagine the impact that would have! The physical most special person to them in the world the person who makes them feel safe and loved not being here anymore. Imagine how they would feel. You will be ok, it might take a bit of time but you will be ok. Please don’t think you made a mistake you didn’t. Xxx

Hello all thank you for your words. I have definitely read them and reflected on everyone’s comments. I am on day 2 of my medication, please as before keep me in your prayers.

Hi, @Summersam97

It's clearly a very hard time for you. Focus on the future as much as you can. You will feel better with time. I and many others are proof of that. If you need more mental health support, ask your GP who can refer you. Best wishes to you.

When was your termination and how did you cope?

@Summersam97 I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling. I had a TMFR of a wanted baby over a decade ago and struggled very much after. I wasn't suicidal but I did want to die. I remember taking a trip on a plane and hoping it crashed. It was like all the colours and joy had been drained out of the world.

Eventually, several months later, I found myself singing along to a song on the radio. I realised I hadn't sung since the abortion, and from there things got very slowly better. Now I'm still sad (and I wonder if I have some degree of PTSD from the whole thing) but life is 'normal' again, there is a way through and you will feel joy and happiness again. Losing a baby under any circumstances is so hard, and having an abortion is a very complex thing. I hope the pills are working, please be kind to yourself, give yourself time and space to grieve.

It’s been about a month and it’s been the longest month of my entire life. It’s taking everything in me to keep holding on.

@Summersam97

You have to keep holding on. You feel dreadful but things will get better with time. Can you be referred to the Mental Health Crisis team? You mentioned seeing a psychiatrist. They or your GP can refer you. I spent time on a mental health ward too. You need mental health support.

I need to find a mental health crisis team I have a therapist but i feel like it’s not helping

My anxiety is at an all time HIGH on these antidepressants

Hey OP, I started anti depressants back in September and can say they definitely took about a month to settle down. But now I can definitely say I am back to normal. I was like you and going through all types of horrible thoughts but I did come out of the other side. What antidepressants are you on?

I’m on Zoloft 25mg. Were your thoughts regarding abortion as well?

No my thoughts weren’t regarding abortion at that time. But I have had two medical abortions and a miscarriage so I understand to a degree what you are going through. It’s one of the most traumatic things I’ve ever been through. Do you have any family support? I know speaking to someone out loud helped for me.

Regarding crisis also, that’s what they are there for. When I was feeling suicidal, a family called for me and I was helped and assessed from there. I know if you’re in the UK, you can call 111 and ask for emergency mental health help if it gets that bad. They are people there to support you. Have you tried Samaritans or SHOUT. They helped me a bit when the thoughts were really bad.

Hang on there. Lots of wisdom here from people who know their stuff. Can you break down the day into small portions of say quarter of an hour? Get through one and then another? Any dull/repetitive chores to be done? Can you bear to listen to the radio? Friends or family near?
Lean out. Take the medication. You will get better. I was you a long time ago. Sending you my love. Keep your appointments. Use anything offered. Can you concentrate on the child you have as a distraction? Get practical stuff done or ten minutes crayoning or watching Bluey or whatever they watch. You are not alone.

I’m trying to get through the days but I can’t even nap without freaking out and having intrusive terrible thoughts. This medication is making it harder than it was but I was having suicidal thoughts before I started the medication and I sort of still do

Anyone there? I’m a week in on the meds and still feeling low :(

I'm sorry you're going through this. I am on Zoloft - have been for years - and imho your dosage is nowhere near high enough. My psychiatrist considers 50mg to be just about a therapeutic dose, but typically starts people on 100mg. Please ask your doctor about increasing your dosage.

Hang in there as it will get better.

I’m not sure why she started so low. Maybe to start me off, at my next appointment I will ask for an increase

If you have a plan to end your life, you need to be under the care of the crisis team. And if you're not well enough to contact the crisis team when things get bad enough to act on your thoughts, you need to be in hospital where they would do much more with your medication in a much shorter time period.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It will be different one day. You are really ill right now. That's all that's happened. It won't always feel like this. But please book an emergency appointment and be insistent about your worst moments, or share them with someone close and bring them to speak for you.

I really hope you are doing OK. I'm so sorry to read about how much of a hard time your going through.

Can I ask if you have ever suffered with mental health concerns before this?

Throughout my puberty years I suffered with really bad depression and I promise you it will get better, I hope your GP and other healthcare providers are giving you enough recourses and help.

I wasn't on that medication but I understand they slowly increase most antidepressants to make sure it is the right medication for you and that your given the correct dosage that helps.

Hey OP. Hang in there, as much as it feels you will never get there, you will. It took about 4 weeks for me. Take it day by day. What are you doing with yourself at the moment? Are you managing to get out ? I couldn’t even bring myself to walk two minutes to the local shop when I was low, but one day I forced myself and just being outside with fresh air helped a lot. Maybe give Samaritans a call? Sometimes talking to someone does help.

i wanted to go to inpatient treatment but I feel bad leaving my son and I don’t want my family to think something is wrong the only people who know is my sons dad and a few friends. I’m trying to fight through this but it feels like I’m losing. I’m about to lose my job because I cry and haven’t been doing well. and I also have ocd and feel the need to keep reading articles about abortion and etc and medication etc. I have severe anxiety and I have struggled with depression in the past when I was in high school I missed many months of school. By the way I am in the United States. Idk guys I’m just really struggling and I don’t think I would actually take my life but it’s hard dealing with depression and this is the worst depression/ sense of loss I’ve ever felt in my entire life.