Suicidal after abortion

[Summersam97]

Hello. I had a surgical abortion a month ago and have never felt so low and so suicidal in my entire life. Please someone help me

Just wanted to reach out and say I’m so sorry to hear this.

Please please speak to friends, family, your GP, the Samaritans, any charity at all.

This feeling is temporary and it will get better.

Please don’t make any permanent decisions on temporary feelings.

I have talked to friends and a counselor and I am getting medication hopefully today. When I talk to everyone it only helps for a little bit and then I’m back to square one. The suicidal thoughts take over.

Abortion is such a traumatic and emotional experience but please try and remember you were ok before this and you can be ok after this.

You have so much more to see and do and experience in life and you have people in your life who love and value you. You not being here anymore is not the answer.

There will be better days again.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Your mind and body have been through a huge trauma - of course it's going to have an impact.

Do you have people in real life you can talk to for support?

Have you made a plan for taking your life? If you have, please remove anything from your house that would facilitate that plan. Ask a friend to take it away.

Please call your GP surgery and tell them you have suicidal thoughts and need to see a doctor TODAY. If they can't help, call 111 - they might even have a mental health option to select. Whatever happens, you need to be seen today.

Calling the Samaritans is also a good idea.

Do you work? If so, do they have an employee assistance program? Most of those have access to counsellors and therapy for free - your employer will never know what you have used or what was said.

You are wanted and needed in this world. You are going through a horrendous time, but it WILL get better. ❤️‍🩹

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, and can see you are already speaking to a doctor and counsellor, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. If you need immediate help you can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but we're pleased to hear you have already sought out RL help and support as well. We hope that goes well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

💐

One in three women will have an abortion in her lifetime. Honestly, please do keep talking to us as many will have lived experience. It is nothing to be ashamed or worried about. Can you articulate (if it would help you) what is making you feel so low?

I am very sorry you feel like this, OP. There will have been good reasons for your abortion, and in fact, you can never know whether you might have miscarried anyway. You will get over it - it’s very raw at the moment, but things will get better. The medication should help, but it will be a little while before it takes effect. Be kind to yourself - try doing things you enjoy; watch rubbish TV to take your mind off things - just cut yourself a little slack. Sending hugs.

@Summersam97 did you manage to speak to a doctor? How are you doing?

No I haven’t talked to a doctor yet. I thought i would be ok afterwards but I was pressured into having an abortion. I didn’t want to do it. I miss my baby. I was 5 weeks but that doesn’t matter. I feel like I can’t feel happiness anymore and it’s killing me

That’s awful that you were pressured into, I’m so, so sorry that happened to you. I thought doctors were supposed to make certain something like that wasn’t happening with abortion.

I hope whoever did that to you is no longer in your life. Please try to give the doctors a call tomorrow, hopefully they can help you.

OP i'm so so sorry. I know this pain all too well. But you are already close to finding healing because you are sharing your pain. For me, I held onto guilt and shame which nearly killed me, until I finally understood that I was forgiven. All i had left to do was forgive myself, which was the hardest part. But if Jesus can forgive me then who am I to not forgive myself?

I hope and pray you find healing. You are worthy and loved.

Hello. Although many women go through this and some are reconciled to it, others suffer greatly and feel a great sense of loss and bereavment and even profound guilt.

I am so sorry that you are feeling suicidal . Your emotions and feelings are valid. In time it might be good to try and find a counsellor who will acknowledge the strength of your feelings. Every woman who has this experience is an individual and other women who may have come to terms with it may try to reassure you that you will be able to cope with the emotions. But some need more help than others to do that. I hope that you find the help that you need. The first step may be to recognise that you are possibly in mourning for something that you have lost. I am so sorry

I aborted my baby at around 7 weeks 11 years ago. It was accidental, I was careless, it just wasn't the time and I wasn't in the best of relationships. I was in a job but it wasn't the best of income or completely stable and I was only in a small one bed flat. My circumstances are so much better now nice house and career but I will never ever stop feeling the guilt and i think the biggest mistake I made was going into counselling almost straight away. I couldn't finish it as it was all still so raw. Allow yourself to grieve in your own way and then consider counselling later on.

Until your meds take effect, lean on anyone and everyone, as often as needed. They should only take a few weeks to work. Call all the helplines, cry in friends shoulders etc and let people get you through this difficult time. You couldn't lean on people long term to that extent, especially non-MH-professionals, but this hopefully won't be for long. Your loved ones would rather you troubled them with your woes than have to attend your funeral. The counseling will help longer term for coming to terms with the abortion.

Well done for replying. Please keep talking and do reach out to a trusted friend in real life if you can.

I have reached out help lines, talked to a therapist and going to church soon. My appointment for my psychiatrist is tomorrow please keep me in your prayers I have a child already and I’m trying so hard.

Well done! I hope that these will help you. Focus on the child you have and how they need and want you in their life - hopefully they will give you something to hold onto (physically and mentally) until meds can kick in and counselling can start helping. Good luck for your appointment!

You’ve had a load of hormones pumped into you and a lot of a people have mixed emotions when having an abortion. It sounds like you need to speak with your doctor asap.

sorry missed the update. Try and forgive yourself.

Praying for you OP. Big hug.

I have a tiny bit of more hope psychiatrist said she’s going to put me on 25mg Zoloft and an anti anxiety medication. Does anyone have any personal experiences around Zoloft? I cannot sleep. I got one hour of sleep and nighttime is when I get the worst. All the dark thoughts start to sweep in.

@Summersam97
As others have said, you really need to hold out till the medication kicks in because it should really help.
Until then try and take things half an hour by half an hour. Talk to yourself saying things like, "right, I'm going to do this thing, (or not not do anything at all) for 30 minutes" when you get there say "I've made it, now I'll try to do the next 30..".

My medication is able to be picked up tomorrow. I’m sort of scared to start it but we’ll see how it goes.

@Summersam97
Hello, I've been where you are. I know how it feels. It was 13 years ago. You must be kind to yourself. Please take your medication as advised. If you need more help, have your doctor refer you to the mental health crisis team or similar. I had a lot of support from mental health services. You can be happy again.

@WhereIamat
how long did it take for you to feel like you could move on and look forward to life again? I’m not even 2 months in and I feel like my life is over.