Page 5 | Can anyone chat to me? Desperately lonely.

Upupandaway10 · 12/10/2024 22:05

Hello!

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Needalisteningear · 12/10/2024 22:32

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 12/10/2024 20:21

@Needalisteningear so sorry you are having sign a rough time. You lost your mum such a short time ago. I can remember the feeling well and the run up to the following Christmas was awful.
The only thing for me which helped was time.
Totally get how you feel around PTSD.
As for having an embarrassing past something so cringeworthy happened to me I still feel sick about it many, many years later. Whatever it is, you have nothing to feel bad about as others are busy trying to hide things they don’t want you to know.
Please know your life is not a joke. You are very important. You are a lovely mum and daughter.
You have clearly been through a lot so well don’t on putting up your post! X

It's just things I've done, decisions I've made. The best thing ever are my dc.
I feel sometimes like it's one thing after another, you know? I have lost my Grandad inbetween my mum and now, my Nanna, Grandma and my aunty not long before. It feels a lot. I'm really so lucky compared to some but to me, it's hard.
Thank you for saying such kind words and indeed for talking to me x

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Needalisteningear · 12/10/2024 22:36

Dunk19 · 12/10/2024 20:23

Hello

Can you find something to watch as a bit of a distraction? I love trash tv when my head can't concentrate on anything more. Don't tell anyone but I love Selling Sunset 🤣.

I have a partner but he's not well, which can be lonely at times. My cat is amazing though and gives lots of cuddles, I hope yours are cuddlers. I've put the heating on for a bit too, it's gone so cold!

Oh, I am so sorry. How are you feeling? Have you got support? Pets are fantastic, they're really good company. If I could live in a world of animals, it would be perfect!
What is selling sunset? I've never heard of it!
My dog is sometimes cuddly. The kittens are just running and the rabbit sounds like he's trying to come through the ceiling 😳 If I didn't know there were animals upstairs I'd definitely think there was a burglar or ghost!
Thank you for taking the time to talk x

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Needalisteningear · 12/10/2024 22:38

EngineEngineNumber9 · 12/10/2024 20:25

I’m so sorry to hear your lovely mum was taken from you far too soon. But you’ve taken all you’ve learned from her and will be as wonderful a mum to your kids as she was to you 💞

I try but I will never ever match to her! She was the best lady ever. She was incredible at being a mum, nurse, nanna. I miss her so much but I'm so lucky to have had her as my mum!
Thank you, that was lovely to read x

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Mandarinaduck · 12/10/2024 22:40

Needalisteningear · 12/10/2024 20:43

Aw thank you so much for replying, truly very grateful.
My mum was a lovely lady, the best lady and I know exactly what she'd be saying to me righr now! She would be saying things like
'You've still got to eat, I'll come and make you some fish fingers.' She was a wonderful baker but an awful cook. I detested my mums fish fingers. She fried them in loads of oil until they were burnt. She knew this and always threatened them 😆
'Well, don't get involved with another man.' Wish I'd listened to her a LONG time ago! She'll be reading this and proud as punch for being right.
'Make yourself a cup of tea and watch Three (Four?) Musketeers. That'll cheer you up.' I think she secretly had the hots for them.

'I'd have stayed single if I had the chance. Look, I'm stuck with this miserable bugger'. My dad visibly annoyed her but she loved him really.

I'd be here all night chatting! I really would. If I'm being honest with myself which I'm going to try and do, right now and make myself accountable for my feelings, I wouldn't say I have many positives about life at the moment. I wouldn't ever do anything permanent as I adore my kids (I'm trying to not be obvious, as a tw) but sometimes I think i would welcome a freak accident. I'm just really low and I don't feel I know me. And I don't know how to find out who I actually am.
I have been lied to and maybe gaslit/manipulated before and I doubt everything about me. I kind of feel everything is my fault.

I am so grateful to you for replying, thank you x

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Sorry, took me a long time to get back to the thread.

Your mum sounds lovely. I am laughing about the fishfingers. They are kind of hard to get wrong :D I like cooking but hate baking, sounds like she was the opposite. She sounds like a very warm person who could joke around and cheer you up with a bit of self-deprecation as well as love and attention. No wonder you feel bereft. I wonder do you take after her? (Well, I hope not, fishfinger-wise). I mean that I'm sure you also fill that space with warmth and love for your own children.

Sorry to hear that you don't have many positives in your life right at this point. It does seem sometimes that 'it never rains but it pours'. I remember when I was at a really low ebb I started a gratitude journal - put three things in there every day - sometimes I was really scraping the bottom of the barrel to find tiny moments of joy - smell of flowers as I walked down the road, a friendly exchange in a shop, etc. It did help lift my mood a bit and turn my focus to whatever small things were positive.

Also just wanted to reply to the part where you say that you don't know who you really are any more. I want to suggest that you do something (or some things) purely for fun. Children get to play with lego, go on playdates, dress up, climb trees, watch cartoons. We adults also need silliness and fun so go do something small but playful. Go on the swings, take an imaginary dog for a walk, take a bus to nowhere, make a photo album of your boring Sunday. Maybe you will discover something about yourself.

Take care xx

Dunk19 · 12/10/2024 22:43

@Needalisteningear I do have some support thank you, it's not always easy to talk is it?

Selling sunset is pure trash about a real estate company who sell amazing houses in Hollywood. It's my escapism. I've also just started a degree through work but it's good as a distraction.

Ah yes I forgot how full on kittens are but so joyful too! They soon tire themselves out and collapse in a heap. My cat is 8 now and incredibly lazy, he just moves from one sleep spot to another!

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Needalisteningear · 12/10/2024 22:44

Thank you! Please can I ask how you get chatting to them?
I'm scared that if I join a group, people may not talk to me or laugh at me or something. I'll have to put my big girl pants on and push myself out of my comfort zone.
Thank you so much x

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Needalisteningear · 12/10/2024 22:45

EngineEngineNumber9 · 12/10/2024 20:27

Oh and I just wanted to add - throw the Monopoly away, it only causes misery! We love playing Ticket To Ride, got it in a charity shop and it’s become a Christmas tradition!

It's going 🤣 I feel physically sick when someone suggests Monopoly 😆
I've never heard of that game, I will google. However, since thinking, my dc can't be trusted to play a game of cards together 😐 x

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Needalisteningear · 12/10/2024 22:46

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 12/10/2024 20:27

Just read one of your updates.
Get painting.
Keep painting.
Go!

I will! And my bedroom! I've decided!

Thank you x

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StarDolphins · 12/10/2024 22:47

Op, you sound so lovely! Fun & lovely & your children (& pets) are lucky to have you! & you them, no doubt.

One of my friends is a lead clinician in MH & honestly, so many people are feeling like this currently, you’re absolutely not alone. I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful but keep going & try (I know it’s hard when you feel alone) to think of all the wonderful things you do have & that you’re a good person. Take baby steps, enjoy your kids & you never know what’s round the corner. Life is never good, or bad, for long.

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Needalisteningear · 12/10/2024 22:50

TriangleSquareFringe · 12/10/2024 20:28

Thanks for asking after me. I have just started anti depressants which is really helping. About a week ago I was crying a lot and feeling anxious. I totally understand about being scared to try new things. It's that fear of the unknown as well. I'm hoping to watch a film tonight but not sure what.

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How are you finding them? I'm on top mg but they really do help. Keep on with them!
Did you end up watching a film? When I go to bed (I'm trying to stay up late as not sleeping too well), I want to have a cup of tea and a couple of pp have recommended Ludwig on BBC with a biscuit to dunk! X

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Needalisteningear · 12/10/2024 22:53

Raininginparadise2 · 12/10/2024 20:29

Aww 2 kittens. I bet they are adorable. Can you post a photo of them? I remember one of my young cats climbing up the Christmas tree. He was always doing daft climbing tricks and was so different to his brother. Are yours boys or girls?

I have just uploaded a few posts up! Oh no, I didn't think of the Christmas tree 😅 that'll be fun 😂 they are crazy! They really are. They're having their mad half hour and just running, running, running 😆 I have one boy and one girl (I sound like I have twins!)
Thank you so much for taking time out to chat x

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Needalisteningear · 12/10/2024 22:55

MyFavouritePlace · 12/10/2024 20:29

Hi, sorry for your loss.
You sound like a really lovely person, life can sometimes be so shit and none of it your own doing.
You have something positives in your life, your beautiful children and all that you do for them.
I've also never really been part of a friendship group, always on the outside looking in, so I do understand that part all too well.
I'm around too xx

I don't even think it's for want of trying, I just don't have a close friend and I'd love one. This thread has been amazing though, thank you for replying.
I try to be a nice person, although I'm not sure it's always been the best option and I don't think it's fot me very far. I need a bit of a backbone! X

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Needalisteningear · 12/10/2024 22:56

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 12/10/2024 20:30

Do you have Netflix? I have been watching a new series Nobody Wants This. Funny and heartwarming.
Also loving Ludwig on iPlayer.

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Ludwig is a clear winner!!!

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Imbluedalale · 12/10/2024 22:56

Needalisteningear · 12/10/2024 19:52

I am so lonely. This is going to be long.

My mum passed on xmas day last year. She had cancer and wasn't very old. She didn't die of cancer though, it was medical negligence.
My dad couldn't cope and moved to another country.
My ltr has just ended.
My kids are at their dads.
I have no friends. I've realised that. I have acquaintances from my dc groups. I've never really fit into friend groups. I was and still are, I suppose, hanging onto friend groups.
My past is an embarrassment (not my children) and I am so desperate to be happy that I just allow things that shouldn't happen in a relationship, to happen.
My life is a joke. The only good thing about it is my kids and tonight, I'm really struggling with loneliness.
I have no family left and the people who I have reached out to have finished the conversation after a couple of messages.
I suffer with ptsd and other mental health issues that stem from past relationships.

Is anyone around just to chat. Just so I can stop crying a bit?
Well done if you managed to read this far! And thank you x

Hi Needalisteningear.
I feel you , I know exactly how you’re feeling right now . I’m so sorry to hear about your mum . Your story sounds a little similar to mine . And I too like you feel so so lonely right now. I was made homeless last Tuesday and council have put me in a hotel. Had to flee due to DV and ex wanting me out. He’s got the children there and I’m desperately desperately missing them . I also have cancer and am currently paralysed down my right side from cancer treatment. The only people I have seen since Tuesday has been my mental health team and I’m on the verge of collapse I mean literally. I’ve reached rock bottom where I didn’t even know you could sink as low.
I also don’t have any friends and ones I did have have sided with ex as have my family.
I know it feels awful right now and I’m crying writing this to you but please know that you matter. I saw this quote today and want to share it with you …

No one will hit you harder than life itself. It doesn’t matter how hard you hit back. It’s about how much you can take, and keep fighting, how much you can suffer and keep moving forward. That’s how you win.

And remember those you mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind.

And lastly just remember you don’t know how strong you are when being strong is the only choice you have left.

Sending you a warm hug from one bruised heart to another xx

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Needalisteningear · 12/10/2024 22:59

johnson39 · 12/10/2024 20:31

Hi just wanted to say hello, and tell you, your not alone, I lost alot of friends when I split with my ex and moved, it's harder as you get older to make new friends. Try the Meetup app lots of online and if you want in person to try and make new friends when you have your kid free time.
Have a nice long bath, watch what you want on tv , have a little pamper and a good sleep, hope your ok, always here for a chat 😊

I'll have a look at it. It really would be so lovely to speak to people and maybe laugh?! That seems so far away but I'm smiling at this thread - thank you for taking time out to talk to me x

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Binman · 12/10/2024 22:59

I can pee almost standing up I discovered this during long walks in lock down when I went into a bush and sort of half squatted bending over and realised my bladder emptied more 🤔 once my friend said a cyclist was coming and I quickly stood up and kept peeing knees slightly bent. I reckon I could aim at a unrinal albeit backwards 😂

I have refused to play Monopoly for years I always go in a huff.

I would choose to live in my favourite childhood book rather than film, it was the magic faraway tree, I reckon I would have enjoyed a few of their adventures, mostly the tree slide and the popping candy.

There's a lot of grief for you in the last year, have you considered bereavement counselling. All the wise words, memories and resilience that your mum taught you will see you through this 💐

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Needalisteningear · 12/10/2024 23:03

abracadabra1980 · 12/10/2024 20:37

Hi and hoping you can lift yourself a little with all the lovely replies. I have a very small business. A few of my customers are surgeons etc.. one of them told me something which has stayed with me forever - talking about his work, he said "life builds scars". He then said. "Not necessarily bodily, but emotional scars too". This has resonated with me ever since. He's so right. Life chucks such shit at you sometimes, and nobody escapes that crap. Everyone, and I mean everyone, have their dark moments and experience loss through death as they age. If they are lucky, they may escape the 'caring years', I didn't and it broke me.
I live that you have a dog and two kittens. I'm sure the dog is not your best friend right now, but they'll all become a family at some point.
I have been through hideous situations and I can honestly say that a) everyone thinks that others are happier - bullshit and b) to be able to give a home to a cat or a dog, is one of life's greatest privileges. I adore mine, and they have filled the (sometimes awful) gap, of having to 'share' my kids half of their lives, through no fault of my own, and ultimately them leaving home. I could never be lonely with my daft cats and dogs. Adore them.

I will write that one down. I wish they'd heal as quick as physical scars but I suppose what he is saying that emotional scars will heal too. Thank you!
My dog isn't hugely happy with me but he will be again once it's food time 😆
I love my animals. They're so real and genuine and trusting. There's no lies, no drama, just enjoyment and love

Thank you for chatting to me x

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Needalisteningear · 12/10/2024 23:06

Mrsredlipstick · 12/10/2024 20:41

Hello lovely.
I can feel lonely sometimes as I lost my mum twenry years ago this month and I feel I have no one to really talk to. Your mums your mum and no other relationship has ever felt the same to me.

However I do have friends and I recommend a volunteer shift at a charity shop if you have the time. Just a few hours. You'll meet loads of interesting people. Hospice charities often have ex nurses who are lovely.
My adult DC are the light of my life as is my cockapoo. He's a real cuddle hound. He sleeps on my bed if I don't chuck him out in time.
The other suggestion is get a Netflix subscription if you can. £4.99. I watch old movies. I love baby boomer, first wives club and working girl. Add in goodbye Mr Chips and goodnight Mr Tom.

If you believe in spiritual things I think our family are with us always. They stay with us. My little dog barked furiously after my brother died but he was wagging his tale. My brother was a dog whisperer. However that's just my thoughts.

I find chocolate comforting and my family save monopoly for Christmas as my sister fiddles the bank.

I would like to volunteer, and give something back. I will try and make some time however at the moment I feel very busy just sitting. I wish my head would slow down a bit.
I chat to my mum a lot. I hope she can hear me but if I swear I always hope she wasn't listening to that bit!
Thank you for replying x

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scatters2004 · 12/10/2024 23:08

Just to say Hi and sorry that you're having a rubbish time.

A lot of us have been there, believe me.

Keep positive.. try and keep yourself busy, pottering about is fine.
Watch something on TV that you like. Get some fresh air too!

Thinking of you, take care x

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Needalisteningear · 12/10/2024 23:09

Worried1987 · 12/10/2024 20:46

I am sorry to hear you are struggling. I have PTSD as well and it makes life difficult. I have had EMDR for one of the traumas which reduced the flashbacks for that. My sister in law bought me a weighted teddy bear which is really helpful too.

Oh, I'm going to look for one of those!
I'm sorry you suffer too, I find it terrible and I struggle to move forwards without going back, however hard I try. Well done for getting help, it's a massive thing. Thanks so much for chatting to.me x

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Needalisteningear · 12/10/2024 23:11

LightSpeeds · 12/10/2024 20:46

Awwww, that's an awful lot for you to deal with. And it's tough when the kiddies are away for the night (I used to feel awful when mine were at their dad's on a Saturday night - then the loneliness and sadness really kicked in). xx

If the kids were here, I'd be better. They just waltz around and it feels busy. It's so quiet when they're gone!
It helps to know it's not just me who feels like this. I'm counting down hours when really I should be enjoying myself!
Really grateful for you taking the time to chat x

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Needalisteningear · 12/10/2024 23:13

Tallerandtall · 12/10/2024 20:52

@Needalisteningear

saying hello. I am away with work and bored and lonely too in hotel!
so what did you do today?

Hi! Are you enjoying your work trip? Can you get room service?
I have basically wallowed! I drove to Starbucks, had a drive about to keep me busy and not much else to be honest!
I hope the rest of your trip goes well, anywhere fancy? Thanks for chatting x

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Needalisteningear · 12/10/2024 23:14

OldJohn · 12/10/2024 20:54

hello and thanks for sharing

Hi!
Thanks for replying! X

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XChrome · 12/10/2024 23:15

Needalisteningear · 12/10/2024 20:54

Thank you so much for replying. I don't know how to pm you, but you are welcome to message me?
I'm so sorry to hear what you have been through, it's a really crappy feeling! X

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Just click on the three dots at the top right of the post of the person you want to PM. I'll leave it up to you if you want to talk as I don't wish to be intrusive. No obligation on your part, just if you need support sometime feel free.