Can anyone chat to me? Desperately lonely.

[Needalisteningear]

I am so lonely. This is going to be long.

My mum passed on xmas day last year. She had cancer and wasn't very old. She didn't die of cancer though, it was medical negligence.
My dad couldn't cope and moved to another country.
My ltr has just ended.
My kids are at their dads.
I have no friends. I've realised that. I have acquaintances from my dc groups. I've never really fit into friend groups. I was and still are, I suppose, hanging onto friend groups.
My past is an embarrassment (not my children) and I am so desperate to be happy that I just allow things that shouldn't happen in a relationship, to happen.
My life is a joke. The only good thing about it is my kids and tonight, I'm really struggling with loneliness.
I have no family left and the people who I have reached out to have finished the conversation after a couple of messages.
I suffer with ptsd and other mental health issues that stem from past relationships.

Is anyone around just to chat. Just so I can stop crying a bit?
Well done if you managed to read this far! And thank you x

I am sorry to hear you are struggling. I have PTSD as well and it makes life difficult. I have had EMDR for one of the traumas which reduced the flashbacks for that. My sister in law bought me a weighted teddy bear which is really helpful too.

Awwww, that's an awful lot for you to deal with. And it's tough when the kiddies are away for the night (I used to feel awful when mine were at their dad's on a Saturday night - then the loneliness and sadness really kicked in). xx

Thank you! I love random questions!

So, if you've read any of my previous replies, you may have read that I'm frightened of nearly everything. My go to is a skinny latte, no suger with an extra shot. I don't know why I get a skinny, I feel it's going to cancel out the snack I order 😏 I have recently tried a cappucino 🤣

I'll do you a random, if you fancy answering. But if not thank you for replying to my op!

If you were the opposite sex for one hour, what is the first thing you would do?
I'd pee stood up. I have to fully focus on the job in hand 110% sat down. I can't believe men can pee stood up. It's always fascinated me 😂

I'm not too sure to be honest! I don't really watch tv. I do watch some youtubers. I don't know, I feel I've lost everything in the past few years, my love for music, walking, being outside, everything has gone.

Do you have hobbies?
Thank you for chatting to me x

Hi! How's your weekend going x

I will definitely give it a try! Thank you!
Is it sad? Will I need (more) tissues?! 😂

Thank you x

@Needalisteningear

saying hello. I am away with work and bored and lonely too in hotel!
so what did you do today?

Thank you so much for replying. I don't know how to pm you, but you are welcome to message me?
I'm so sorry to hear what you have been through, it's a really crappy feeling! X

hello and thanks for sharing

Hey OP, I'm sorry I'm not able to come on here for chat cos I feel poorly (covid I think) and am going to crash out but just wanted to say, I'm sorry you are feeling rubbish. You sound like a lovely person, (but maybe a bit hard on yourself?), and I hope tomorrow feels a brighter day for you. Let your kitties and dog cuddle up to you and give you comfort for tonight xx

Anything! Absolutely anything! I'll firstly say thank you, I hadn't expected to get any replies, and look at this! Thank you so much for talking to me. I know that probably does sound a bit pathetic but I am very grateful!
What are your plans for the rest of the evening? X

If you feel desparate please think of your kids. You will be everthing to them.

I was very ill earlier this year. I didn't think I could live with the constant pain of my illness. I would have taken the easy way out but I know too much about that situation. I have friends and family without their loved ones. The samaritans are always there.
I was a big drinker and I needed lots of support to give it up. I had therapy and joined a long running thread on mumsnet. I started watching movies I had never finished. It was an eye opener.

Live can change quickly. Tomorrow you could meet new people. I second a book group or perhaps a painting class. Look some stuff up. Give it a try.

My cat says he would like a belly rub if someone would oblige

Outdoor/wild swimming is a good group. I went alone and everyone was really welcoming. Some just go for the walk and sit with a coffee/mind our stuff, and there was cake afterwards some swim, some just dip
There's a lot of couch to court netball groups around too, I enjoy that as well

Hello! I don't really watch much tv, I can't really ever seem to get into it. But I have been watching All Creatures Great and Small because I fancy James Herriott 😉 I would quite like his wife's life!
I will have to watch it. I'm putting it on my bucket list for the week! I'll get snacks.
What else have I watched that I enjoyed. Teachers on 5. Completely unexpected.

Thank you so much x

I've been on meet up looking at what's going on. I've lost touch with lots of things like hobbies. I have started volunteering again and it's made me realise there are good people out there. I'm working on my levels of anxiety. Getting there. I like you tube for mediation sessions if I can get myself to sit still long enough. Walking is a good one. Are you feeling a bit better for being here on MN? I hope you do x

Ahh I have dreams about winning the lottery and buying a big old farm and rescuing all sorts of animals. You can come and stay any time. I can't guarantee James Herriott will be there though 😄

I recently started therapy and talk a lot about loneliness. It's so hard to make close friends as an adult. I think a lot of us are in the same boat.

Hi OP, I'm sorry for your loss. Could you take it one day at a time. And find something small but interesting or exciting to do. Join a local walk in a park. Book club, ramblers for longer walks, a book from the library, a hot chocolate in the park in a thermos. At my low point I would walk to my local florist and just enjoy looking at the beautiful flowers and take in the scents. Looking for small moments of joy and not thinking of the bigger picture.

Hi!
Things I'd love to be able to do? Sing. Write stories/books maybe. I'm not sure! I will have to start make a list, even if it's a little, unrealistic thought like going to the moon but I will write it down anyway!
The sound of piano is gorgeous. Have you ever played pianotiles? It might have changed names now but my dd plays it, it's great!

Thank you for taking the time x

@outforawalkbiatch love a cat pic. Awww.

sending you a listening ear👂xx

Thank you so, so much.

I do need to keep trying. When I don't get replies I immediately think I've done something wrong or they don't like me. I do pull away. I will keep going! X

Thank you so much! It looks good. I might take a cup of tea up to bed and watch it tonight in bed.
Thank you so much x

Hello! Thank you for chatting!
Yes! You are right! I sit here thinking of how perfect how everyone elses lives are and feeling sorry for myself.
I cannot believe how many people have replied, I didn't expect one. Thank you x

Hey there, fellow cat-lover. My two are currently cuddled up on the couch next to me and we’re watching a movie. I’d absolutely love another kitten (and am constantly hoping that the Cat Distribution System actually works!) but my two get on so well that I’d hate to risk upsetting their dynamic.

I am. I'm so fed up and at the same time I want it to change. I just need to change to enable me to move forward and stop looking back. But I don't know what to do about it so nothing changes! It's hard!
Thank you so much for writing and chatting x