Can anyone chat to me? Desperately lonely.

[Needalisteningear]

I am so lonely. This is going to be long.

My mum passed on xmas day last year. She had cancer and wasn't very old. She didn't die of cancer though, it was medical negligence.
My dad couldn't cope and moved to another country.
My ltr has just ended.
My kids are at their dads.
I have no friends. I've realised that. I have acquaintances from my dc groups. I've never really fit into friend groups. I was and still are, I suppose, hanging onto friend groups.
My past is an embarrassment (not my children) and I am so desperate to be happy that I just allow things that shouldn't happen in a relationship, to happen.
My life is a joke. The only good thing about it is my kids and tonight, I'm really struggling with loneliness.
I have no family left and the people who I have reached out to have finished the conversation after a couple of messages.
I suffer with ptsd and other mental health issues that stem from past relationships.

Is anyone around just to chat. Just so I can stop crying a bit?
Well done if you managed to read this far! And thank you x

Without disclosing too much, I'm very close to the Lake District. I'm not a hill walker though!

I loved my walk. I invited my sister and her dogs and I ran across the beach with the dogs and I actually laughed! I'm a bit sad just now but laughing was nice! We stopped off at a cafe for a coffee and extended the walk so it was roughly 7k.

I'm sorry to hear about your dad but it's nice you get comfort doing similar things. You're absolutely right, it is the small things and I should look small now instead of overwhelming myself with the bigger picture. Thank you x

Ps, kittens behaved. I'm worrying for tonight instead 😂

I know I'm quite needy at the moment so if I could have a bit of motherly/sisterly/friendly handhold/big cuddle...

Singledom day 6.
This is getting a bit difficult now the shock has worn off. I feel I have a physical ache in my chest. My mind is working overtime with different scenarios and I can't calm it.

What I'm finding difficult is self guilt. I know I'm not perfect, far from. I may not have listened or helped or whatever, but I always had respect and didn't cheat/leave etc. Incidents all together probably add up to about 11 times.

Why am I here wondering if I was the problem?!

I feel robbed at the chance to talk, to try and make it work. But why do I want to make it work, and even more so, why still now?

Why don't I hate him? Why do I miss him?

So many whys and I don't know the answer! I need to stop thinking of what ifs and what could have beens.

I've been no contact and it hurts! This week feels so long and sad. I do hope things start feeling better soon as I hurt so much.

Sometimes I sit down to have a brew for example and I find myself here an hour later just crying!

Sorry, and thank you all x

I think a cry is an healthy thing sometimes.
Let yourself grieve.
I honestly feel like a break up is a bit like a bereavement or it was for me. Felt like I was mourning for what we could have been and what we could have had.

There is a thread on here ‘Blindsided by H’ from an amazing lady whose new phase is ‘no longer blindsided by H’ have a read. It will lift your spirits because this lady was absolutely on the floor. Now? Not so much.
It can be like withdrawing from a drug - it’s bloody painful and confusing and you think the detox will never end.
Time is the greatest healer and day 6 is very, very fresh.
As I get older now, even if I get another 30 years (here’s hoping) I do think, when I haven’t got long left will I lie there and think…
Oh I wish I’d given even more time to that abusive ex/bully at work/toxic family member? The answer is no every time.
We get this one life. It’s a gift. You are still young. There is so much ahead of you. I promise you that.
Keep talking to us and your loved ones.
I’ve never tried a custard doughnut by the way!

Good evening.
I hope everyone is feeling a bit more positive. I did sweet fanny Adams today other than wfh mail. Lots of insider info but no walks or trips out.
I worked across a few different time zones.
I like to watch the 'sort your life out' tidying programme on a Tuesday. I have far too much stuff after downsizing. I usually manage to get something done the next day after that.
My DD and I are waiting for the boys to go out later this week so we can watch Rivals. We lived in the Cotswolds when Jilly Cooper wrote the books. A lot of naughty people around in the late eighties. Great fun.

@PeggyMitchellsCameo has 'Ginger' had anymore developments with the Budgie fancier? I can't find the thread.
(there was an excellent thread by a blindsided wife and a huge response). The op was a super strong lady. He was a sh*t.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5186498-no-longer-blindsided-by-h

Read it. It will warn your heart. Our girl is winning at life!

The Lake District and surrounding area is lovely. Glad you enjoyed the walk with your sister & dogs. Great that you found yourself laughing too. That all sounds very positive.

It's natural to feel sad about a relationship ending. It is a kind of grief for what was and what could have been - allow yourself to feel sad and cry. But then try and do something nice, try to move on from that mood - make a cup of tea and ponder your to do list, do your gratitude journal. A shower with nice shower gel and body lotion. Be gentle with yourself. Eat something nourishing. Watch a Ludwig or something to light hearted to watch.

When I was in a low place the best thing I did was to be kind to myself. It sounds trite but I was being very critical of myself in a way no one else would have been. Sometimes you need to be your own best friend.

Hope the kitties make you smile tonight.

Oh this is just the worst day! I hate him and miss him in equal measures!
I'm definitely crying inbetween doing my jobs. I do stop but it starts again! I don't want to feel like this forever but I don't see how it can ever feel good again!
Unbelievably down x

You will feel good again. You can't believe it at the moment but it will happen. My mum died very suddenly, my husband left, and someone I love got cancer in the same month, but a long long time ago. Just keep putting one foot in front of another, it will be ok. Your children love you, no matter what you do. Also, if possible, go to a yoga class. I'm not being flippant, yoga will help you heal even if you don't believe it, it just does. Lots of love and positivity to you.

Keep going @Needalisteningear it will get better.

I really tried just accepting today all that I am feeling. I'm dismayed at the rapid roll of emotions I'm experiencing. But I know this isn't my normal and at some point it's going to ease up then stop.

It is really tiring though.

I feel like I'm having to really scale down my expectations of happiness again even though it might actually turn out better I suppose. We just don't know what life's got in store for us.

You don't know what life has in store indeed.
I had a toxic employer last year. I was threatened with a weapon attack.
However this year is full of nice surprises. A new job and some shares given to me. Much needed after a very lean year and no severance pay from my ex employer.
I'm keeping my head down with regard to my new role.
@Needalisteningear how has your day been?

@Needalisteningear happy birthday 🎂. 🎉🎊

Eat cake, drink fizz, dance in the kitchen to Gloria Gaynor/ABBA or suchlike.

Oh heck! Sorry for the radio silence! I think it's all hit me! Plus it's my birthday today which has just been a little bit shit.
It's been hammering down with rain all day, every road is absolutely flooded. Where I live, the council seem to have stopped clearing drains and I have been driving through wheel height floods and around flooded cars! When storm Desmond hit, it was horrific.

I'm yet to have a day where I haven't cried yet. My mind is exhausting me and I feel so backwards and forwards in my brain. One minute: I hate him, nect minute: what did I do wrong? Next minute: I want my mum... and so on.
Went out to breakfast this morning so I got myself out of the house. This afternoon, my dd had something to collect from her friends, I went in for a brew which I don't usually do. At the minute I'm aiming to get out of the house for something at least once and I'm not allowed to count going to the shops or school runs!

How are you all?

@Needalisteningear Happy Birthday

Happy birthday.

Hope breakfast was nice and you enjoyed the brew at DDs friends house. All positive steps.

Sounds like you're on an emotional rollercoaster right now. But you re making some good plans - getting out once a day is an excellent idea.

Hope you have some sunshine tomorrow.

Happy birthday 🎂
I'm so glad you went in for a cup of tea. I find that saying yes more results - usually - in a lot of fun experiences and connections with nice people.

Good morning.
I am everyone is well. I'm up to drop the DD for her uni bus. Just not worth driving with the £2 city fares.
She was in halls at her last uni but we're quite close to this one so she wanted to be based from home. No bother to me.

My BFF is coming for a breakfast sandwich. We've known each other since 89. I have an empty house until teatime which is rare with DC working from home.

Happy birthday for yesterday 🎈 🎉 🎂
This sounds patronising but well done on going for the cuppa. I think the first time is the hardest. I've had to do force myself to do it before and it gets easier.

Thank you

Huge emotional roller coaster! Mornings I feel nore stable, ha. Its the afternoons and evenings that get me!
I have found someone on facebook who records reels and he shouts. So maybe I need to listen to him more. He ia quite amusing but he is straight talking.
Sun is out. I will go for a walk today even if it's only a short one x

I did have a nice time so I will go in again! And it's a different scenery than sat at home wallowing! X

Enjoy your day! What's in the breakfast sandwich?
Bacon, egg and a plastic cheese slice is my go to! X

I do think far too much about doing things with other people and decide that I won't enjoy it. I usually do when I'm brave but that getting that courage is difficult! X