Can anyone chat to me? Desperately lonely.

[Needalisteningear]

I am so lonely. This is going to be long.

My mum passed on xmas day last year. She had cancer and wasn't very old. She didn't die of cancer though, it was medical negligence.
My dad couldn't cope and moved to another country.
My ltr has just ended.
My kids are at their dads.
I have no friends. I've realised that. I have acquaintances from my dc groups. I've never really fit into friend groups. I was and still are, I suppose, hanging onto friend groups.
My past is an embarrassment (not my children) and I am so desperate to be happy that I just allow things that shouldn't happen in a relationship, to happen.
My life is a joke. The only good thing about it is my kids and tonight, I'm really struggling with loneliness.
I have no family left and the people who I have reached out to have finished the conversation after a couple of messages.
I suffer with ptsd and other mental health issues that stem from past relationships.

Is anyone around just to chat. Just so I can stop crying a bit?
Well done if you managed to read this far! And thank you x

Yes! I will!

It amazes me what this thread has brought to people!

Thank you x

Which doughnut is your favourite?

I'm jam and I think Tesco do the best jam doughnuts! I love the hot ones from doughnut stalls too, hot and full of sugar! X

How are you doing today OP? Sorry if this has already been asked - it's a long thread! I just wanted to share that when I was having my 'I don't want to live year' (I lost my bf to cancer early 50's, my dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's, Lewy Body Dementia and cancer -it was a lot (lost him last year), and I split from my husband albeit we have remained good friends. My saviour has been Sertraline. It's a bugger to get through the first two weeks but after that what a fix. I felt like a person in control of my permanent anxiety and constant crying/utter despair. Sorry if this or other SSRI's have been mentioned already and I hope you have seen a tiny prick of light in your life today. In fact two prickly of light - those kittens must have made you smile at least once each?! X

How are you feeling? Do you feel it was a good session? I hope you feel less teary soon!

Aw cat cuddles! How old do they start cuddling? My kittens attacked my ponytail earlier as I was cleaning... I ran a rat over pulling into my drive 🤢 my next door neighbour thinks that rats don't exist as long as you have a clean house. She questions the street when her cats bring them back! X

Hmm I do like a traditional jam doughnut and the hot doughnuts are just next level. My doughnut at work was a unicorn doughnut I assume no unicorns were harmed in the making of the doughnut but it was very colourful so...

You trained cheese? Am I thinking this wrongly?! 🤣
Haha! Your mum was bang on! She must have been a very strong lady and not one to put up with shit! How did she get over breakups?!
I think you should do weekends, let me know if/when you start!
I'll get there, it's just very hard xxx

@Needalisteningear You asked "Which doughnut is your favourite?"
I bought a doughnut maker from Lakeland about three years ago. My wife is allergic to milk and there was a vegan recipe in the booklet with the machine. The doughnuts are great, they keep for weeks in sealed boxes in the fridge and we have one each in bed every morning. Small things like a doughnut make life worth living

It was a good session. Some painful things are coming up that I'm not quite ready to address but I'm getting there.

With cats I think it's more about personality than age. I had my ginger from a kitten and he was a happy snuggler right away (see pic when he was about 2.5 months). I also remember a lot of ponytail biting 😄

My tabby girl is more skittery. I got her at 10 months and it took over a year before we could have a relaxed cuddle where she trusted me. Most others have been somewhere in between.

Oh my goodness, that is awful. I am so sorry to hear everything that happened to you. Us girlies are really strong when we have no other option to be strong! You have shown this! How are you feeling now?
I'm on max dosage of Citalopram and propranolol. I've been on them for about 4 years now but never had a dosage as high. Day 3 on higher ones so hopefully in a few days, I'm feeling a bit more in control of myself, like you said!
I'm a bit wobbly today but the therapy session could have contributed to that as I always get a bit teary and I feel exhausted so that probably doesn't help either!
The kittens are testing me at the moment 🤣 I have enough school uniforms for the week and I put all pants in one kallax box, jumpers in another etc. One of them had a bit runny crap in the pants box this morning so 2dc were late to school as I had to rewash 😒 they also attack the laces on my trainers and my ponytail is a new one! All fun and games 🤣 x

You just never know nowadays do you 😉 cars powered by fairy dust and all kinds so you never know what was in your unicorn doughnut!

I never get a doughnut from Greggs though, I get a novelty bun. I usually pick the unicorn over the shark. Might get a bit of magic in it!
Or a few more sprinkles at least... x

That's a fantastic idea! A doughnut in bed in the morning, what a lovely way to start the day! Do uou have a tea, coffee with it? Or something else? X

Well done Op for reaching out and making a list of things to do.

You've had a lot of losses and losing your lovely mum is really tough. I hope you find the therapy helpful.

There are so many good suggestions on here as well as warm and wise words.

One thing caught my eye - you live near the sea. Maybe a walk on the coast with a coffee or to get one with a podcast can help. Just committing to going out once each day to connect with nature and people in some way. I find a walk always makes me feel better even when I really don't want to go out.

Michael Mosel's Just one thing has some really good ideas for well being. Maybe some other things will get added to your list!

Couch to 5k is a good app to help you get running.

Also if you like open swimming /sea swimming you could find a local group
thebluetits.co

They arrange swim meet ups and there seems to some good comradery in this community. Lots of mental health benefits too from cold water

Good luck with your 'to do' list and be kind to yourself

You'll get there! It's tiring isn't it, opening up your brain, feelings and emotions. And a lot of them painful. I've got all faith in you!

Your ginger is just beautiful! Did he wake up at night times by any chance? Mine are just running and jumping and climbing and it's 11pm 😆 they should be sleeping shouldn't they?! She just jumped up my back and hung onto my ponytail 😳

Aw, but you gained her trust! That's just gorgeous! X

We usually have coffee with the doughnut

Thank you!
I'm off for a walk this morning. It's a 5k walk I used to do with my mum and is right next to the sea. There gorgeous views where I live! Very mountainous and pretty!

I will look up outdoor swimming although I'm not sure waiting until spring maybe better!

Thank you so much for your post x

Tesco doughnuts are just criminal doughnuts must be raspberry and from Morrisons.
I judge people who CHOOSE the custard ones.

Confession. I ate two raspberry doughnuts from morrisons yesterday.

It's the dogs birthday so he might get lucky with some extra chicken.

Gotta be honest, he's almost two now and still never sleeps. 🤣 I've never known a cat so much like the Duracell Bunny. He's an absolute menace and lucky he's so cute...

Custard has no place in a doughnut.
I've never had Morrisons doughnuts. It's going on my list 🤣 x

Two?! What about the poor other ones that are left all alone?! 🤣
Happy Birthday doggy!
My birthday tomorrow... yay... 😒

Oh heck. And this has always been the case, I assume?! 😫 x

Yep!

In my experience they slow down when they get to 3/4 and then become very sedate from about 7/8. But I'm not sure this orange thing in my house is actually a cat and not some kind of mutant...

Hope you enjoy your walk. Sounds gorgeous. Mountains and sea - I'm jealous!

Hopefully you have lovely memories of walking with your mum. I lost my dad last year unexpectedly and used to walk a lot with him when we were both younger 😃 I miss him a lot especially when I walk in certain places. But I cherish the memories I have of walking with him. I add this to my gratitude list as well as the beautiful things I might see on the way. Sometimes /some days /some moments it is the small things that make a difference and lots of small things add up!

My dad liked an apple donought! The best ones I've had were with jam & clotted cream...

Hope your kitties don't cause any havoc whilst you are out. Or are they saving that for tonight....

A while yet then?! 🤣

No, he can't be! He looks too cute for that! He's an angel, surely 😆

The other three in the packet are sad your leaving them without their Little doughnut buddies.