I let my soulmate go 10 years ago and I can’t move on

[Lifeinblackandwhite]

Just that.

It’s eating me up and I don’t know what to do. I was younger and foolish back then and didn’t realise how good I had it.
He was literally the love of my life.

I tried reaching out to him two years ago and he did respond via email, letting me know how he was doing. But that’s the only contact we’ve had in almost 10 years.

We were together for 6 years and were looking at houses together when we separated.
Partly it was down to me having cold feet/getting bored, which I’m so ashamed of now.

I’ve even still got some of his family on my Facebook.

I don’t know how to move past this. I’ve had relationships since (and before) and none have been anywhere close to the happiness and bond I felt with him.

I am so lost and I don’t know what to do.

With greatest respect unless you have done work on yourself and forgiven yourself for the breakdown you are not in the place to contact him. Once you do that work you will see this for what it is, lessons in / of life, and be less attached to the outcome. FWIW I believe love is real and soul connections are real, but there's a whole spectrum - you can have a soul connection with someone who isn't great for you. It doesn't mean it wasn't a soul connection or that you won't land up with someone that you feel that connection with. Love isn't a scarce resource.

@PervOrNoPerv Why do you think I should send it? I do want to.

I suspect they're being sarcastic...

I am not being sarcastic. I think it is the best way for the OP to move on, one way or the other. She needs closure and making contact with him will give her that.

... and potentially a restraining order.

@PervOrNoPerv and what about her ex? What about his right not to be harassed by someone a decade after their relationship has ended? He already ignored her previous email so that sends a pretty clear message that he's not interested in communicating? OP needs to find closure within herself, not from her ex. Him telling her he has no regrets isn't going to suddenly switch off her (frankly obsessive sounding) feelings. She needs therapy. And she needs to leave him alone. I'd be incredibly creeped out to receive an email like the one she's proposing, especially since she'd already reached out previously and got no reply.

I think it is fine to send a brief email or letter saying that she has been thinking about him lately and wondered if he fancied meeting for a coffee and a catchup. I wouldn’t be freaked out or traumatised to receive that from a past partner and she would then be able to stop obsessing about him, either way.

@PervOrNoPerv surely stopping obsessing over him is OPs responsibility and not his to facilitate/enable. He already ignored her last email, what is sending another going to achieve? I doubt she would stop obsessing going by the tone of her posts here, she's deeply entrenched in this fantasy of him being the one that got away and her soulmate etc.

She is taking responsibility by sending him the note.

@PervOrNoPerv. Taking responsibility would be attending therapy and working through these feelings. Not relying on someone else to either confirm or appease them. OP had already stated that their mental health is precarious, what if she sends the email and doesn't get the response she's hoping for or that he responds negatively to her? That could cause a whole other spiral in someone who has already said they don't want to be here.

She can still seek therapy and work on her mental health if she feels the need. That is not mutually exclusive with making contact with him.

@PervOrNoPerv and you think that while her mental health is fragile and she's disclosed she's suicidal is a good time to reach out to an ex in the hope of rekindling a relationship?

Yes, I think it will give her closure and stop her ruminating about him. Hopefully he would want to meet up though and then that could change both their lives for the better ❤️

Sending an email or letter is not harassment.

However having read this I dont think I would send anything more. You made the effort to continue the conversation and he stopped.

I would agree if it wasn’t for the fact that the previous contact was two years ago. A lot can change in that time so it is worth the OP reaching out to him once more.
If OP feels comfortable sharing what she is intending to send him here then we could help her with the tone if necessary?

@JamSandle is is a tad if she's already emailed him before and he chose not to respond. That would kind of indicate he's not welcoming of the contact.

Would it really be classed as harassment if I were to send another email/a hand written letter and send to his address? Of course I don’t want to end up with a restraining order, but would it really come to that?
I’m not planning on stalking him or turning up at his place of work or anything like that.

I know I sound unhinged, but I can’t stand the idea I may end up living with regret for the rest of my life.

It depends on what you are intending on saying @Lifeinblackandwhite
Can you share it here so we can advise?

@PervOrNoPerv I’ll share some of what I’ve written already, but not all. It’s quite personal to me.

@PervOrNoPerv I want to share it, but I’m feeling too vulnerable.
It’s very personal.

I’m just worried now someone had mentioned restraining orders. I don’t think I’m in that category surely?

OP, making a mistake or a wrong decision in the past is something, I am pretty sure, that most people feel they have done. I know I certainly have and, yes, from time to time I ruminate on those decisions however you just have to accept that you do what is right for you at that time and there is always the risk that, years down the road, you will feel like it wasn't the right choice but that is life - you can't turn back time, you just have to accept what's done is done, and move forward.

This man had the chance to keep the conversation going however he chose not to and made this clear by not responding to your follow up email. It is highly unlikely he is suddenly going to realise, if you contact him again, that yes you are indeed the love of his life. If you were, he would make sure you knew it.

Hold onto your dignity and draw a line under this. You will only continue to torment yourself otherwise.

@Wishimaywishimight
I do understand where you’re coming from, but I kind of wish he would just tell me that he doesn’t want to continue communication. It’s the silence that I’m struggling with, there’s no definitive answer. I’ve always been like this though, until I get a straight answer, I think about all the possibilities endlessly.
I know he doesn’t owe me a reply, but it would kind of set me at a point of closure.
It’s the fact that in his last email he was asking me questions, like he wanted to continue it. I do think in black and white, maybe it’s my ADHD traits.

I think he’s the only person I ever truly loved

You need to be the person you truly love & if you truly loved yourself you wouldn't continue this cycle of self punishment by creating fantasy endings to something that ended years ago.

All relationships have a beginning, a middle & an end. Every time you think of him you are robbing yourself of an opportunity to begin to look after yourself with love.

You are going round in circles now @Lifeinblackandwhite
You need to make contact with him
or move on.