To love one child and not the other

[Oneforsorrowtoobad]

And of course it’s fucking unreasonable. Of course it is.

But I am honestly not wanting to feel like this and I hate it. Am I alone?

Your three year old is very challenging, right? And you’ve posted about him quite a few times before. I can only echo the advice you got on those threads which is that you must seek help from your GP or HV. I have experience with severe PND and I would put money on that being the case here. It is so, so easily treated. You just have to admit to needing the help.

when he hurts himself quite enjoy it

refer yourself to social services for the sake of your children.

So they are very young. I'm sure deep down you love both...but one of them is probably easier to look after and deal with I'm guessing?

It’s awful and I really am not choosing how I feel. I just feel it if that makes sense.

Posters laying into me for not writing enough detail as they deem it - please understand how hard it is to talk about.

And is it number 2 you feel you don't love?

I don’t think many people will admit to it.

But if you explain that you have a child with high needs who’s destroyed your mental health and caused your family to disintegrate, or who’s gone off the rails / uses drugs / is violent / abusive, I’m sure you’ll get sympathy / support / understanding. And yes, maybe some people saying they feel the same.

If you just don’t love them for no reason, then I don’t think you will get many people in the same boat.

So some more detail is needed.

Edited to add - cross-posted and i see it is the latter.

Oh bloody hell @Oneforsorrowtoobad don't feel bad. Of course he is annoying, thrse year olds are! They cannot help it though so your best bet is to accept that this is what things are like. He will become more interesting and likeable as he grows.

you need to speak to your Gp your feelings towards a young child isn't normal

Oh...just read your next post. I agree with a pp, refer yourself to ss or go and see your gp urgently.

I don’t know who or what posts you mean. It would be good though if we didn’t do the guess the poster thing. Someone did it to me a couple of years back and it’s horrible because either it is you and you’ve NCd so exposes privacy you’ve tried to protect or it isn’t you and therefore irrelevant!

I don’t think my child is any more or less challenging than any other three year old to be honest.

Are posters missing the fact that she said that she quite enjoys it when the 3 year old hurts himself? There is no time to sit back and wait till these feelings pass. OP needs to seek help.

I think it's very likely to be postnatal depression and think you should see your doctor before anything else.

I found myself incredibly irritated by my son when he was about that age because he would nag me constantly. I spoke to my doctor because I couldn't cope and she gave me antidepressants.

Later she said she thought he was like that because he wanted my attention and my mind was full of crap at the time so I couldn't give him the attention he needed. Once I was on the antidepressants and my mind could work properly again, I could deal with him properly and he stopped nagging. To be honest he stopped within a day or so of my taking the antidepressants.

My doctor did tell me to love bomb him in the meantime until the tablets worked and that really really helped.

I think some people are very hard to like and that does include children. I also think that mother's are only human and can't always overcome this by themselves.

Are you open to seeking help OP?

Are you the same person who posted a few days ago about their very difficult 3 year old?

The fact that you enjoy it when they hurt themselves is really rather sickening. I would prioritise getting some counselling to make sure you can parent your child as kindly as possible.

I think a lot of people will be able to help if given more context, because this age gap is both really common and really hard. Of course sometimes the older child is frustrating when you have a young baby: you expect them to consider the baby, and they don't. Their play seems rougher, their noises louder. You expect them to get on with things by themselves, but they don't (or won't!). Throw sleep deprivation in there as well and you've got a perfect storm. But gently, it's not normal to not love them, or to enjoy when they get hurt. Have you considered family therapy?

Of course it's not normal. It's not normal to enjoy anyone being hurt, let alone your child. You need to seek help asap.

This tends to be when I’ve told him over and over not to do something or similar. So just now I kept telling him to leave the table alone as he kept shaking it. An iPad fell off it and fell on his foot and he cried. I comforted him but inwardly thought ‘good serves you right.’

I don’t enjoy it at all if he is just ill or trips and falls. I do have genuine compassion then. I’m not a complete witch.

You like it when your little one (3 years old) hurts themselves?

Get yourself some help, this is not normal or ok!

Of course some people don’t like their children, that’s why we hear news stories far too often about a mother who has killed their child.

This really isn’t normal though and you desperately need to seek medical advice.

He’s likely to be totally aware that you don’t like him. Terribly sad for him, whatever is causing your dislike of him. Poor little boy.

@RobertaFirmino
Do you seriously think it is acceptable for the OP to write
'I frequently dislike him and when he hurts himself quite enjoy it '
It is completely unacceptable and I am amazed that some MNers think it is ok to feel joy in a child's pain. It is frightening and the OP needs help urgently.

Have you ever liked him? Did you feel the same when he was a baby?

Bloody hell, she's talking about her own 3 year old child who is little more than a baby himself and she openly admits to enjoying seeing him hurt. "Some people are hard to like". Jesus Christ. Agree she needs urgent help though.

Please Google "early help" and your area and call them.

Just be honest. They will be able to help and will understand.

Threads on here won't help. But talking to someone means they can help properly.

You need to go to your GP as soon as possible OP. To dislike your toddler and enjoy him being hurt is hugely worrying.