Parents and carers of anxious teens(part 7)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Goodness,seventh thread!
Welcome back to those who have been on board with me since the days DS was first struggling,and hello to new faces

This thread is for those who care for anxious teens.some of us have diagnosis of ASD/anxiety/depression,others are encountering and navigating escalating symptoms that are starting to prove troublesome

This is a safe,non judgemental space to share ideas,offload worries and provide support and kind words for those deep in the trenches

We get how utterly exhausting it can be and are not afraid to celebrate the small wins that in regular circles would be deemed as insignificant as participating in "normal activities"

Thank-you for the warm welcome (again) my DD is an adult now (19) and we are in Scotland so it is not ECHPs up here I don’t think.

Her sleep is all over the place just now. It was getting better but it’s gone backwards again, she said she took 2 sleeping tablets last night (same ones as I have they knock me out and she’s tiny) didn’t work for her and she finally got out of bed at 2:30pm. Of course now she will be up all night. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping due to pain and anxiety so I hear her up in the night or she wakes me going to the toilet.

@DarkChocHolic sorry to hear about your DD 16 is a tough age I’ve found, two of my DDs are through it, one is turning 16 this year. I found both of them very argumentative at this age and moody. Peak rebellious too. They came out the other end. She’s lashing out at you as you’re her sage person. I know it hurts and it’s hard at the time but it’ll get better.

Just checking in.
How is everyone?

We've had a up and down first week back. Some successes some fails.
Hope everyone is doing OK.

Hi runner
D's went back last week and had a PHSE on drugs on Thursday which was a you tube video on worst drugs including a man who ate at his neighbours face whilst high(with graphic photos)
D's felt this was coming and looked away but saw our corner of his eye.he left class but had verge panic attack all the way home and was off Friday as unable leave my side as so distressed

I chewed school out extensively over it.was told it's "in line with curriculum" to which I pointed out as a sen school this should reflect students and everyone who has even briefly met ds knows hes more sensitive to things, plus notfirst time i have impression videos are used in classes without staff watching first
Apology andwe will check going forwards but doesn't helps who still off kilter,reverted back to early days levels of panic,short fused/snapping at everyone,withdrawn and clearly unhappy
I am still livid

Youngest school refused yesterday (first day back) citing tummy pain(gets it a lot,takes laxido to regulate bowel movements)not helped by HOY leaving without warning us end last term and no solid plan for this terms expectations
Luckily current assistant head was dd2 tutor back in the day so I emailed him and he forward it to relevant staff.pastoral now seem to be point of contact, but whilst clear we are still at reduced timetable whether it's attendance in classes or just pink room remains unclear,as is when going to sit round GCSE mock missed) so much absence we have no baselines, nor expected grades)

I am very tired,dropping plates left right and centre and unwell myself mentally.takung ADs trying sort things out but it's uphill struggle as kids seem go off tangents en masse (dd2 always a full time struggle)

Anyway that's enough me feeling sorry for self,new day and all that

@Runnerduck34
glad you have some ups. Makes it easier to cope with the downs. May the rest of the week be uneventful.

@Stilllivinginazoo sorry things are rubbish. Feeling ill yourself is the worst part in all of this.
Shame about the video been shown at school. I hope DS is ok now.
I can relate to no baselines/expected grades etc due to school absence.
We are in the same boat but I dare not worry about any of that.

Hope the week is as gentle as possible for many of us in this situation.

Hi Folks, I didn´t realise there a was a new thread, thank you! Ugh I have both teens home today....
DS16 has ASD and struggles with EBSA as its GCSE year and he is panicking and doing zero work. School want to refer him to the Autism teaching company to help re-engage him with learning. Today should have been his 1st day back and he cant get out of bed, so I´m disappointed for him

DD14 has just been diagnosed with ASD (I paid for private assessments which came through last week of last term) and she had been off with EBSA since October half term. She is on ADs and I am about to appeal a ECHNA rejection. She is still in bed at the moment, but has started to do daily yoga.

I treated myself to new bedroom furniture in the sales, which havent arrived yet, but the excitement of a new bed/cabinets/bedside tables is keeping me positive about life!!

Thank you for this, I didn't realise there were threads for these issues, my DD is massively struggling and is currently home educating which is not going well.
Nice to know I'm not alone x

@MackenCheese
Sorry thay both DC are at home today.
Glad DD has started daily yoga

Sometimes it's the smallest of things that can bring about a change.

bettyboo welcome
Would you like to tell us a bit about how things are?
Mackencheese so glad to hear you have bought something for yourself that's boosting spirits ❤️

Hello All, I've posted on here before and lurked a lot as well. I find it hard to respond to all the posts of advice which is why I disappeared after my first few posts. I really appreciate all the advice here and I'm sorry I sometimes feel overwhelmed and unable to address each post. I'm also sorry that you are all having such a tough time.

Things are dreadful here this week after the return to school. 2 very anxious kids, one 15 the other 12. Both ASD and DS ADHD also. My 15 DD is off today after an almighty meltdown this morning. GCSEs looming. She is socially anxious and sits alone all day at school. No friends, due to her one best friend ditching her and a general lack of social skills. Can't concentrate on revision. Just wants to sleep after school as she's exhausted. My DS is struggling with emetophobia. I have bought a book to work through with him. God help me.
Myself, I have been off work for weeks, recovering from surgery. I am dreading the return to full time work but at the same time I need to go back Being home is really damaging my mental health. Just saying that makes me feel guilty.
Arrrgggg! I'm feeling very low today.

@Stilllivinginazoo thank you... I feel depressed that I don't know how to help her. She's supposed to go to a place once a week to get tuition in English and maths with other home schooled children but I can't get her to go. We've been to the doctor but the doctor said she can't help as DD won't engage. I work full time and am exhausted by the stress.

@Theordinary please don't worry about replying to every post, everyone here understands. You have a lot to deal with right now and I am sorry that things are so difficult. I hope you are recovering well. I haven't got any real advice but just offering a handhold.

@Bettybooboo13 can you contact the tuition centre and let them know what is happening? They might be able to offer advice or an alternative way to provide tuition that she can access until she feels able to go.

Just sending everyone having a tough time a big hug. I know @Stilllivinginazoo has said it many times, but I will say it again please try and make time for yourselves whatever that looks like. And please don't feel guilty about how you feel, it is hard having an anxious teen/young adult and we all feel overwhelmed by the situation sometimes. I know I have thought some very terrible things and also have had to drop all the balls for the sake of my sanity.

Today is dd's first full day of school after short days due to appointments so I am bracing myself. I have my fingers crossed it was ok.

Thank you, this feels like a safe space

Offering a handhold as well, @Theordinary. I feel in the same boat with 2 teens off with anxiety. I just want this nightmare over with. I cant get my son to go to school even though he also has GCSEs looming. The truth is, I really really want to just want deregister them both, forget about school, forget about the EHCPs and just stay home, or travel, or cook or watch movies or whatever. I want the last few years of their childhood to be happy ones. Is that too much to ask?

I de registered my son age 13 and he self taught himself. He's in a much better place now.
It took a while for him to become motivated, look at all you can on de schooling. YouTube videos etc.
There's a good podcast on school refusal from Dr Reedy. He has two kids with similar issues. His advice is changing the way you think rather than changing child's behaviour.

Thank you all for the kind words. I can see we are all dealing with similar issues and I feel sad for you all. I feel less alone to know there are others struggling but I do wish we could all find some answers and some peace of mind.
I also wish I could just scoop them both out of school, away from the stress and pressure. On the other hand, I'd be lying if I didn't say, I feel so worried about their future. If my DD ends up underachieving, I know she'll be heartbroken and I will feel so sad for her. I guess we have to deal with the most important things first which is their mental health.
Sometimes I mourn for the happy little children they used to be before the system broke them. Just looking at old photos makes me cry at times.
I need to get a grip tomorrow whether she is off school or not. I must spend less time scrolling on my phone trying to find solutions. It's exhausting.
Wishing you all a peaceful evening.

Welcome Bettybooboo13. It is far more likely to be can’t engage rather than won’t, and the support needs changing so DD can get to a point where she can engage. Try the GP again or see if you can self refer. Have you considered requesting an EHCNA? And if you no longer wish to EHE, requesting the LA provides provision under s.19 of the Education Act 1996.

Zoo Sorry the first week back didn’t go well.

Macken have you considered pursuing EOTAS. Personally, I wouldn’t deregister because an EHCP can provide far more support, including therapies, than most parents can self fund.

Gosh a flurry of posts and an added tired brain that can't remember all the details,but so much worry and difficulties amongst us this week!

Glad it's the weekend and a hint of respite at least from school stressors

Lil zoo refused all bar one day this week which brings two weeks back to attendance of 2actual lessons as on reduced timetable(sigh)
I am trying so hard with the it is what it is approach but cannot deny as a very smart child I am concern about her giving up a lot of future options because of attendance etc

Off to my oldest daughter's today as was her 39th birthday this week we are visiting for cake she's made.dd2 stressed with OCD about that,and her two dogs(whom I know she will do her best to contain).I've tried being gentle and ended up being firm as she was spiralling how anxiety provoking it's going to be and fixating on that to point I'm exasperated!
We are also on hunt new dentist as our retired and we all have dental phobia issues for varying reasons,again dd2 kicking off even discussing it's making her anxious and will now be in a state.shes refused go dentist in over two years so really needs to go and be checked.its exhausting all the gory she throws at me!

Also,can we talk hyperfixations?she's "obsessed" David Tennant at the moment.working way through doctor who content,various other shows,TV interviews,podcasts etc.however in last two weeks she's been very low and now it's "disappeared" as in nothing gives her the " joy".I've explained stress and depression may stint this til im blue in the face but she asks literally 30+ times a day will it come back/promise it will and goes on and on how worried she is it wont come back to poimt hss panic attacks over it😞
Any advice would be much appreciated as it's got me to point frustration ready to get cross which I know will not be helpful.ive tried explaining she needs to redirect this thought/distract but she's having none of it/says I'm be unkind it's ASD trait and can't do that etc

Apologies my phone's autocorrect editing as press send
My DD is 29 not 39!
It's exhausting all the fury she throws at me

Stilllivinginazoo, It sounds like you're really going through the mill at the moment. I don't have much advice I'm afraid as it's not much better here. I've identified that with my 15 year old DD (ASD)the very low and anxious moods are hormone related and I've recently read that 92% of autistic girl and women also suffer with PMDD, which certainly makes sense to me. My daughter started the combined pill 3 weeks ago but I think it was started too late to control this cycle as she's been really bad again. She has missed 3 days of school this week. Is that something you've noticed? The hyper fixation is common with both of mine (and me) A new special interest will probably come along soon. I'm sorry I don't have any advice though.
I hope the thing with the dogs is managed well. We visited a family member the other day who made no attempt to control her two large dogs who then fussed around DD licking her hands and covering her with slobber. She had to lock herself in the bathroom and was retching and crying , such was her anxiety. I am livid about it to be honest. I wish people would have more understanding.

@Stilllivinginazoo Ihope today goes well. Have you looked at referrals to the special care community dental team?

Did an EHCNA request get submitted for DD3? If not, you should do it. And look at alternative provision if DD3 isn’t attending school.

Can you explain to DD2 just because it is part of her ASD doesn’t mean she can’t work with you to develop strategies that mean she is less overwhelmed? Or would she not take that well? Is she receiving any support for her MH or ASD?

Hello

I feel like I needs to join this thread. DS 14 diagnosed with ASD and has EHCP (since age 7 not that it seems to have done him much good).

Is under CAMHS for anxiety/depression. He was signed off school by CAMHS months ago but had got to the stage of lying in bed in the dark most days. He was/is on Sertraline but decreasing it to try fluoxetine again.

Has anyone else seen an extremely sedative effect of sertraline? DS had got to the point of hardly ever getting out of bed for it (except when he was absolutely desperate for a wee!) But now he is on next to no dose and almost like a different child. Original problems still there but first in the house to wake/geup out of bed!

Welcome @Squibblenuts. Some do find SSRIs have that side effect. I hope switching to Fluoxetine helps.

Have you requested an early review of DS’s EHCP? What therapies and other support is currently in there? If DS can’t attend school is he receiving alternative provision and the support in his EHCP? He should be.

@1spinforward2back Yes early review meeting has happened. LA are over time limits on completing. No alternative provision either - school have offered some which he can't access without more support, LA have offered nothing. We have been told we should hear more this coming week but not overly hopeful. Lots of complaints about lack of education, failure complete reviews (multiple) in timescales etc. With local authority - complete silence!

Has very little other provision even though he should have via EHCP(hence why I think he ended up here), save for Clinical Psych who were engaged by school until March. Last session he was too unwell to even engage with them but hopefully now Sertraline has been reduced this weeks session will be more productive.

If the LA has not stuck to the statutory deadlines following the review email the Director of Children’s Services threatening Judicial Review. If that doesn’t work, contact SOSSEN for help with a pre-action letter. You may have to appeal, but the EHCP is the route to getting further therapeutic provision.

Same for alternative provision. The LA is responsible for ensuring DS receives a suitable, full-time education under s.19 of the Education Act 1996. If the LA isn’t meeting their obligations threaten JR then contact SOSSEN if it doesn’t work. And same for anything DS isn’t receiving that is detailed, specified and quantified in F.

Can I join?
How have I never found this thread?

Both my DDs fit right in here.
DD17 is diagnosed ASD, arfid, situational mute. Doing A levels and generally surviving with loops, coconut water, anxiety jellies. Recent medical appointment included referral for counselling and a discussion for medication but we are trying other things first.

DD15 is EHE for the last 3 years. Hopefully she’ll go to college next year but couldn’t cope with the stressors of school. Hugely socially anxious, possibly ASD but unwilling/unable to engage with counselling even when we got support from CAMHS.

DS10 - so easy by comparison.