Parents and carers of anxious teens(part 7)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Goodness,seventh thread!
Welcome back to those who have been on board with me since the days DS was first struggling,and hello to new faces

This thread is for those who care for anxious teens.some of us have diagnosis of ASD/anxiety/depression,others are encountering and navigating escalating symptoms that are starting to prove troublesome

This is a safe,non judgemental space to share ideas,offload worries and provide support and kind words for those deep in the trenches

We get how utterly exhausting it can be and are not afraid to celebrate the small wins that in regular circles would be deemed as insignificant as participating in "normal activities"

Well.
Another bad night, and I have a really important meeting today.
I am beyond tired.
I gave up at gone 2am and tried to sleep in dds bed last night.
Dd saying the usual this morning...I'm embarrassed, I'm dramatic, I don't want to talk about it, don't tell anyone (dh, other dd...)
Sigh.
I think we need to address her smart phone use in the evenings and start a wind down routine.
Tiredness is a big trigger.
I have no idea how I'll get through this meeting.

@destiel00 I'm sorry to hear your dd had a bad night. I think a wind down routine is worth a try.
Hope you get through the meeting, will keep my fingers crossed for you.

@destiel00
Hope the meeting goes ok despite the tiredness
Shame about another broken night's sleep. If your DD would agree to having a bed time switch off on her phone that would be awesome
We lost the plot with that one with DD as she was on iPhone and us on Android and she found a way to hack the screen time passcode and I changed it but it somehow kept going back to the old passcode and I could never solve it.
With my DS family link on Android works so well and he has a bed time from 10 to 7. He leaves his phone downstairs and this is something I will keep going as much as I can.
He also has no other devices in his room..his computer is downstairs and he doesn't have a laptop or tablet yet.

Glad the tutoring went ok. Hope older DD is getting better

Xx

@MinionKevin
Hope things are ok with school and DD.
I know the stomach knots with school refusal.
It's awful when they cannot do and even worse when they do go and are miserable there.
With the right place, things do change.
My DD had a bad morning yesterday and last year she would not have gone in to school.
Thankfully college is better and she decided to go in to take her mind off what ever is worrying her..and came back calmer too.
They just need to find a place, person or thing that works for them and gives them that sense of safety and calm.
Hang in there.

Xx

@DarkChocHolic well she had a bad morning yesterday and refused. She has agreed to start taking medication, however she then got upset as it will take some time!
She really does want to be in and says she’s sick of being at home!
Today she has gone in the for the full day. There’s really no predicting it. Considering where we were 3 years ago it’s a miracle, she had a friend in a similar boat who has been into school for a handful of days in the last 3 years and now doesn’t leave the house. Could always be worse!

Its getting in and overthinking it is the issue, generally when she is been in she comes out happy with lots of stories! I’m holding out the fact sixth form is better, I just need her to get rhe GCSEs to get in.

Thank you both.

The meeting was as expected (horrid).

I'm going to chat with dd later re: phone timers. We used to do that, but over the years, it's crept up again. My fault.

I'm going to join her on stopping phone use at night, too. Lead by example and all that. She has a trip tomorrow up north to see a show with school so maybe that was it? She's never really sure.

Older dd still feels awful but still has another 5 days of antibiotics, 🤞

God, I'm so tired

@minion
I was in town after the meeting and saw one of dds old friends from primary school. She hasn't been in school for months, so I know what you mean, and I'm thankful dd isn't in that situation (yet)

Like you, I just want gcses over and for dd to get the post 16 option she wants

Here I am again.
It's 2am, and dd has had another panic/anxiety episode
I think its linked to fatigue/tiredness today
She's been on a trip with school and then asked to watch a (long) film after dinner...I should have said no.
She's vomited again with anxiety 😞
Currently in my bed.
It's awful. She shakes and hyperventilate...its horrible to watch 😞
Dh out all day tomorrow so I'll be on my own with her and older dd who is still feeling unwell
Sigh

Sending you a hug @destiel00 it sounds really difficult. I hope you are able to sleep while she sleeps and today is a calm day for all of you.

I am slightly struggling here, my dc is about to go back to university (very late return I know) and already discussing how they plan to return home most weekends. I understand that they need to have that in order to cope and the fact they have even got to university is amazing but at this moment I feel like screaming! I just want them to stay there and give me a break! I know this will pass and I will feel fine about it in a few days🙄but today I feel very despondent. Writing this down does make me feel better!! In real life, it's difficult to talk about this stuff as most people just don't understand or make me feel worse.

That sounds tough @okisenough

My older dd has a friend who did this. She was very happy with the situation ! Her parents less so.

I think it's partially the time of year...once the days get longer and weather gets better your dd may get involved with meeting up over the weekends/going on picnics etc?

My older dd found the first couple of terms at uni difficult due to no one really going out/arranging anything due to dark noghts and bad weather. It all got much busier in the Spring x

Sorry if im rambling....so tired. Off for a nap!

@Okisenough
I totally know the feeling. I feel the "relief" when DD is not at home. Though I am sure the worry is always at the back of my mind, i certainly feel less worried when she is away doing something.

Our family therapist explained that with MH it is almost like we have an unwanted guest living at home. We call her Margaret (after moody Margaret!!!)
And we cannot wait for Margaret to leave...
I hope as @destiel00 says with better weather and spring the uni experience gets enjoyable.

Dds first appointment with the counsellor tomorrow...😬
I have emergency dental work arranged, too 😫
I managed to finish a novel today and spent the afternoon volunteering at a group so feel like I've achieved something today. Yesterday was a total write off 😞

Good luck with the appointment and dental work 🙏

Thank you.
I think I may need to go back next week as it was a more complicated job than expected 😫

Morning.

Dd had her first counselling session yesterday.

She came out quite happy, wanted to talk about how it went etc

Then last night she was just sobbing 😞

Is this normal after counselling? I'm assuming it was due to talking over things she hasn't really processed/finds difficult?

Do I need to tell the counsellor?

She's back next week.

Dd feels like the books and tv etc she likes are making her feel like things aren't real? I've tried to explain escapism and how we all do it, but she's afraid of experiencing hyper reality again 😞

I just don't know what else I can do 😞

I have just started a thread and found this one. I hope it's ok if I post here too. I'm just so stressed and I think people here may have helpful responses.

I am so so worried. My DD is in year 13. She is taking 150 sertraline for exam anxiety which evolved into general all the time anxiety.

She has adhd and dyslexia only diagnosed in year 11 and I have no doubts it's all connected. Years of confusion and results lower than expected have shattered her confidence.

Sertraline has helped enormously with her day to day existence. When there are no exams she is now great. Happy. Her good self. Bright and such a joy. But she started her mocks yesterday and the panic and extreme anxiety is back. Unable to focus. Vomiting etc.

She has had emdr, cbt and talking therapy. She is on medication for her adhd which has been very helpful.

I also struggle with anxiety and am on sertraline. Again it's great and has helped me function but during high stress like now (her panic and my fears about her impending-levels) I still have massive anxiety issues. Can't sleep. Internally panicked etc. I work hard on focusing on her during her panics and am doing quite well. I sort of slip into mother mode and my anxiety occurs later in bed at night.

My question is, should we be expecting the sertraline to stop all panic? Or are we on the wrong medication ? Changing it up is not something I relish the idea of as she is on the whole balanced now. But she still is not functioning when the exams come around. Approaching exams she is anxious again. Not having as bad panic attacks but still very very anxious. During exams she is able to actually attend the exam which she couldn't before but Not able to really answer all the questions due to brain freeze. Feels very anxious , vomits afterwards.

Should we be expecting an anti anxiety medication to completely stop situational panic attacks. Or is what we have as good as it gets? Should she try something else like citalopram or is the fact that she is miles better day to day when not sitting exams an indication that his is the right medication?

The problem is also that we don't know if a medication is going to stop exam panics until she's actually faced with exams and the next lot will be her actual a-levels so we haven't got the opportunity to trial and error it out over time.

Summary: sertraline has removed anxiety by about 90% day to day with no real negative side effects but only improved exam panic attacks by about 10%. Is this normal or does this mean it's the wrong one?
Thank you

That sounds so awful for your dd.
My dd sometimes vomits with anxiety too so I can empathise.
Would a medication to take the night before exams help? Maybe propranolol or similar?

We are hoping to get diazepam. Screwed up a bit as we thought she was so much better but that was when there were no exams. Yesterday she had her first mock and it's been awful again.

Of course by the time we get an appointment she medication she'll be through her mocks badly . And we won't know if the diazepam helps or not 😞

Does your dd take any anti anxiety medication? Dies it help much?

No. She's 16 so totally at the mercy of GPs who can't prescribe anything

Camhs wait time here is 2 years so she won't be seen by the time she's 18 unless she deteriorates significantly

We do give Melatonin and sometimes phenergan as advised by the GP but that's all they can do

She's just started counselling /cbt

I guess diazepam.could be useful?

We've got an appointment with the senco next week to discuss EA for dds gcses

It's so difficult. Different gps prescribe differently. Some will prescribe antidepressants at lower end of the dosage spectrum to under 18s but many will only with the initial prescription from a psychiatrist.
Is there any way you can see a psychiatrist privately? Just for the initial diagnosis and prescription

Not sure if it’s something you’d consider but dd17 had hypnotherapy last summer before her exams. Her symptoms weren’t as extreme as your poor dd but made us wonder if she had irritable bowel syndrome. The issues were only on school days so we tried hypnotherapy. I think she had about 4 sessions including a ‘get to know you’ and also received downloads to use at home. Dd loved it and it really helped. She still had to take some medication before the exams but she said it made the symptoms manageable.
Not a cheap answer but we were desperate.

She's just started counselling, so we will see how that goes

She's just done her mocks and passed everything, but I'm not sure she'll hit her potential due to anxiety/lack of revision

It's so hard. She needs to revise, but it causes such anxiety she struggles

Also add in covid knowledge gaps and it's a mess tbh

@chargeitup
Sorry to hear about the struggles.
Does your DD have any arrangements for taking exams due to her diagnosis.
Does she get extra time, in a quiet room, allowed noise cancelling headphones etc.
At this late stage with exams around the corner I would be cautious of medication change, especially the antidepressant.
It is super hard with the stress and anxiety about the future but keep reassuring her that all is not lost.
What are her plans after A levels and what happens if she doesn't make the grades.
Talk through options, plan A plan B plan C.
Help her see that even if she doesnt make plan A it's not the end of the world.
I appreciate it's a very stressful time. I have a DD who is repeating Y12 as she had major issues last year.
Based on what she wants to do after A levels, you can talk through her options and it may seem less stressful to an extent.
Private psychiatrist is possible but most medication will take time to settle.
Xx