Parents and carers of anxious teens(part 7)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Goodness,seventh thread!
Welcome back to those who have been on board with me since the days DS was first struggling,and hello to new faces

This thread is for those who care for anxious teens.some of us have diagnosis of ASD/anxiety/depression,others are encountering and navigating escalating symptoms that are starting to prove troublesome

This is a safe,non judgemental space to share ideas,offload worries and provide support and kind words for those deep in the trenches

We get how utterly exhausting it can be and are not afraid to celebrate the small wins that in regular circles would be deemed as insignificant as participating in "normal activities"

@Okisenough how would DC feel if you went through and saw them one day at the weekend or do they feel they need a total break?

so we went in late yesterday after struggling with anxiety and then she had a fabulous time. She did go in first thing today.
we previously saw CAHMS but were signed off because she didn’t cope with therapy. what makes the difference for her is good experiences and exposure to people.
We are now trying to get back in with CAHMS to get a prescription for medication. It is ridiculous the GP can’t prescribe when they can see all of CAHMS records. They are trying to help us fast track it though.

@chargeitup welcome to our thread and I am sorry that you need to be here. I echo what the others have said. A-levels are such a hard time and I am amazed we got through it to be honest.

@Roodledoodle83 I also out of desperation, paid for hypnotherapy, I don't think it really helped my dd but she did really like the hypnotherapist who was incredibly kind and warm. She was also the first 'professional' who felt that our suspicions about possible ND was not pie in the sky but worth following up. Before that point, a lot of people were dismissing them on the grounds of she can do eye contact and her grades are good. So in that sense it was worth the very expensive rates!

@MinionKevin I think they need a total break. She dislikes her accommodation and isn't that keen on most of her flatmates. Sigh. I have decided that I am going to adopt the attitude I had in covid which was don't sweat the small stuff, remove expectations and just accept. I think because things had improved so much I tried to get back on the 'normal' track and actually that isn't going to work for us, I was expecting her to have a normal university experience which again was unrealistic, I need to let that go.

Good luck with CAHMS

@Okisenough
I hear you. Up and down is the "new normal".
We all need to be wave surfers!!!
It is bloody exhausting when all I want is to lie on the beach and people watch.

Hi, yes she has all the accommodations! Extra time, rest breaks, ear defenders, small room, computer use.

School are pretty good. She's having all the therapies too. CBT, EMDR

It seems everything that can be done is being done but come the exams and she spirals into panic again 😞

I don't know what happens that stops this happening. She's had therapy for around 6 months. Medication for almost a year with a few tweaks.

I'd love to hear some success stories

@DarkChocHolic
At present we are not even sure if she will sit her a-levels as the panic is so bad. We don't know what the plan is tbh. Take time out? But then she's fine. It's only when it's exams again that she melts down.

University is so different in that it's not all contingent on a set of finals in most unis. She is academically strong and without the pressure of everything depending on the finals she would probably be fine.

But getting there seems impossible rn if she can't even sit her a-levels

Just picked dd up
She's had a bad morning
We are supposed to be at a school event this afternoon....
Sigh

@chargeitup
Would sitting exams at home be an option?
I know for GCSE this is possible but not sure for A levels.
I know you have to speak to school and they will of course say no and you have to fight hard.
I believe an examiner will come home to invigilate.

Tell DD she doesn't have to sit them but of course she will not be happy with that too I guess?
They put the pressure on themselves.
Just keep telling her she doesn't have to do them if she can't manage and decide on the day.
She may decide she can do it on the day of the exam.
I have heard of similar stories of parents sitting in the school car park waiting to take their kids home but they ended up writing it.
It's hard but all you can do is tell her no pressure, see how she feels and decide closer.
In the meantime, you may need to speak to school and plan for the backups. A year out, sitting privately after a year, foundation year if grades are low, no uni, apprenticeship or work etc.
Doing nothing for a year till she gets better is not a bad idea. If it is burnout, no medication works. Simply giving them time and being patient and removing triggers which in her case is exams is unfortunately the only way out.

Xx

Xx

@destiel00
Shame today was not good.
If the evening event is optional, I would not worry about going.
With DD we learnt that we absolutely had to scale back on everything she couldn't cope.
So in her previous Y12, this was careers evenings, parents evenings, UCAS talks by school etc. anything nonessential we and the school agreed she needn't attend.
I will be honest and admit I do worry she isn't doing all the things that a Y12 person is doing the moment but this is where we have had to work really hard on accepting she cannot be the same.
It's not that she cannot do, she is simply not able to do...it's a grief almost but we can solace in the things she is able to now.
Xx

My concern is that as she is pretty great when there are no exams, we could merrily have a gap year and she may feel 100% find plan to resit in a year and then come the exams and she's back in the panic

It's like a switch flicks.

Foundation year is a possibility but only if she can actually sit her a-levels. But thanks for the suggestion.

I'm thinking time out the. Do an access course at 19 as I believe they are not so exam focussed. Anyone who knows about access courses please advise 🙏

I'm sorry to hear that. It's so stressful and heartbreaking. ❤️

@chargeitup
Try the Further Education board on MN. There may be people there with knowledge on access courses. I know you have to be 19 to access it if it is to be free.

Now sat in a&e
Dd fell apart this evening
Wants it all to stop
Says she has thought about ending it
How has this happened!?

Holding you. I'm sorry. This is so tough x

@destiel00
Sorry to hear. I hope you are seen soon and DD gets to speak to a MH person on call.
We've all been there wondering how we got to that point.
Don't worry about it now. Just focus on this evening and getting through it.
Hope you are back home soon and have a good night.
Hugs to you.
Xx

@destiel00 neither of you are alone. Thinking of you both. X

Thank you all x
Dd calm now we are here
Will be a long wait
I'm sending dh home as he has meetings tomorrow
Poor older dd very upset

Do any of you know what happens?
Dd keeps asking me but I don't know...
I assume she sees...who?
Could they give her something for the anxiety?

Will she be referred to someone?

Waited from 9pm till 3am to get seen by a paediatrician
We are in a bay waiting to be seen by camhs later
At least dd has a trolley now
I've heard nothing but bad things about camhs, so I'm nervous
No mh people here at all overnight
Dd must have said she's scared or they wouldn't have kept us in
I'm so tired, but I can't rest
Dh got important meetings all day today
Older dd at work too
Dd wants anti anxiety meds but they won't give her anything today I don't think
I think they will send her home and that'll be that
I've emailed school and said she won't be in today
Every kid here is really sick with flu/rsv so no doubt we will go down with that too

@destiel00
I hope you and dd are in a stable state.

My dd has night full of panic attacks. Is day 3 of her mocks and the anxiety has just built and built.

She's not going in. She won't.
I'm just so broken. We are doing everything and it was looking so much better. Until the exams arrived and it's back to square 1

It's not the exams I'm fretting about. It's that she suffers this much.

I don't know what plan B is. But I know it's going to be a little different. I keep reminding myself that life is not a straight line. But it feels very jagged atm 😞

She's sleeping now.

Oh no :(
Dds panic attacks are horrendous so I really feel for her - and you.
The nurses have changed shift and dh has actually- for the first time in out 20 ywar marriage - told his firm he is not going in todaybsonhes on his way
I'm pathetically grateful

I've been awake for 26 hours now...
Dd got about 4 hours patchy sleep
Monitors buzzing, staff talk so loudly...

You are being amazing. I'm glad dh has supported you. I understand how hard it is to keep the day to day going whilst this is also happening

We are home.
Mh nurse was pretty useless. We are doing everything she suggested.
Urgent appointment at camhs within 7-14 days.
Dd very tired, seems a bit wired

Dd feeling very nauseated
She's exhausted
How can we get through the next 7-14 days???