Parents and carers of anxious teens(part 7)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Goodness,seventh thread!
Welcome back to those who have been on board with me since the days DS was first struggling,and hello to new faces

This thread is for those who care for anxious teens.some of us have diagnosis of ASD/anxiety/depression,others are encountering and navigating escalating symptoms that are starting to prove troublesome

This is a safe,non judgemental space to share ideas,offload worries and provide support and kind words for those deep in the trenches

We get how utterly exhausting it can be and are not afraid to celebrate the small wins that in regular circles would be deemed as insignificant as participating in "normal activities"

I wonder if I could make a private psychiatrist appointment?

Dds suffering so much 😢

@destiel00
Oh what a difficult time you and DD have had.
I remember being overnight at the hospital and it's never fun. Especially under the current circumstances.
I hope DD manages to settle and sleep well and you do too.
Somehow everything seems better after a decent night's sleep.
Hope you can make plans when rested but for now just try and get through the night.
Glad DH came to help.
Xx

@chargeitup
Sorry DD couldn't go for the mocks.
She must be so upset she couldn't make it.
Hopefully school are being supportive.
They can offer a lot of flexibility and many don't openly advertise what they can do.
Don't be afraid to ask them what they think they can do under these circumstances.
Am I right these mocks don't affect the uni applications as those should have already been made?
It's worrying but somehow plan B will emerge.
In the "Never let Go" book, she talks about the path never being the same after mental illness.
We all will be forced to a different path which may actually end up being much better then the original path.
Lets hope that's certainly the case for all our DC's
Xx

Dd had a good sleep
Has reached out to friends
Let's see what school brings today
We have a meeting with the senco next week

So.
The urgent camhs referral is a phone call
A fucking phone call

I've got a gp appointment later for dd

I'm going to ask for propranalol and anti nausea meds

I see from past posts that some of your 16 year olds have had propranalol from a GP...how??

I think ours will refuse

@destiel00
That sucks about the camhs phone call. It is so shameful they can only take on people who have actually attempted overdose or serious self harm.
Hope the GP is sympathetic
In our case both GP and the camhs psychiatrist refused to prescribe propanalol.
The psychiatrist simply said she doesn't like to do it and the GP explained it only works on the physical symptoms but the thoughts behind the anxiety are still there and that needs to be managed.
It's simply disheartening when you don't know which way to go.

It's the symptoms of the anxiety thats causing her such distress
Camhs is just useless. I don't even know if they'll refer him
His counsellor hasn't responded to my email yet
School have been in touch - dd ok so far
I've spent the morning crying

Her
God, my brain is broken 😞

I've just hung up on dh
Asking stupid questions I've answered 100 times

Dd had a decent day at school
They even phoned to check on me
Dd decided she didn't want to go to the Dr's, so we cancelled that
Camhs phoned me - the urgent referral is a phone call in a couple of days
A fucking phone call!
I can't believe it
So on we go
I was supposed to sleep today but next door have had all their trees felled and chipped today - my ears are still ringing
I feel like a wrung out dishcloth
Hope everyone else is OK x

@chargeitup depending on what your dd wants to do at university, are level 3 courses like BTEC extended diplomas something worth considering? My eldest did one and there were no exams plus the pressure was far less than A-levels and she still went on to university. My other one chose to A-levels and it was a completely different experience.

@destiel00 I sorry things have been so hard. Sadly I am not surprised about CAHMS, we gave up with them in the end. Yes you can get a private psychiatrist appointment, try and get a recommendation from your GP or counsellor. With regards to propanalol, we did get it from our GP and it did help to take the edge off their panic and anxiety attacks but ultimately didn't make a huge difference. They are correct in the sense it doesn't help with the thoughts or the emotions that are triggering things. DD still occasionally take it when she feels overwhelmed and panic kicks in.

I also second either reading Never let go or watching the youtube videos. It just helps. I always go back when I feel myself spiralling about the situation.

I hope everyone has a restful weekend.

Thanks @okisenough

The phone call is this weekend, so we'll see.

I might ask the counsellor about a psychiatrist.

As you can imagine, I've had a lot of time to think over the past 48 hours.

I think I caused this.

On the night of dds first panic attack, we had watched a film about a school and the growing friendship between a curmudgeonly teacher and pupil.

It transpires the pupil is on anti depressants and his dad is in a mh facility with schizophrenia and early onset dementia.

Dd said how much it had upset her (it's a comedy) and that it made her scared that she was mentally ill.

How the hell do I make this better?

I'll let the counsellor and camhs know but 🤷‍♀️

I can't believe it's taken me so long to see the connection

@destiel00 I say this in the kindest possible way, I honestly don't think you caused this by watching this film.

It's just such a coincidence

Morning.
Dd had a decent night.

Dd has always struggled with films/anything that covers death/illness etc. We had real issues in primary school about it - they kept showing her unsuitable material.

I just never occurred to me she would find it upsetting.

Dd still not eating much. Dh taking her out later.

I'm going to try and go out, too. I'm feeling very low.

Hope everyone has a peaceful weekend x

@destiel00
Glad DD had a good night.
I hope you get to do something for you today. It's very important to prioritise you at this difficult time.
We've all been there..blamed ourselves for being the cause for the MH issues. Your DDs anxiety may be worse watching scary and sad things but as @Okisenough has already said you certainly didn't trigger it.
It's just we as mum's as wired. If we know what causes it we can fix it and we are fixers. Especially when it comes to our kids.
Hope the rest of the weekend is uneventful.

It's a beautiful sunny day here and I am hoping for a nice walk in the sunshine.
My self care act for the day!

Have a good weekend everyone.

Xx

Thank you

I'm off for a walk shortly, too

I'm going to reach out to a friend later

Dd is doing homework atm and is going to the gym later with friends

I hope everyone else is having a peaceful weekend and thank you for the support x

@destiel00 I want to second what @DarkChocHolic said about us mums. I raked over my child's life, trying to figure out what I did wrong, did I do too much, too little, push too hard, say the wrong things, give her the wrong food, send her to the wrong school or activity, did I miss something? It went round and round in my head. When I saw her psychiatrist report I cried so much and blamed myself so much. But realistically even if I did everything differently, I don't think things would have been much different. I get that now and also berating yourself doesn't help. It's so hard and draining already, no point in throwing this on top.

Be kind to yourself. Hope you had a lovely walk.

Thank you 💐

I know that dd is a very anxious/sensitive person, but the thought that I could have caused this episode is so hard 💔

I've just spoken to dh, and we are both trying to figure out "what did we do wrong," but we know that - fundamentally - it's irrelevant. It's about helping dd move forward.

I'm trying not to worry too much about the phone call tomorrow or the counselling session on Monday as I fear a "relapse," but we'll deal with it if it happens.

I've watched the partnering not parenting videos on YT. She speaks a lot of sense wrt "putting your own oxygen mask on first" but with my dd, she's not withdrawn/not engaging/depressed so I'm not sure that I can do what she suggests as dd wants to talk to us/school/older dd/counsellor (which I'm grateful for).

I know there are many young people who refuse/can't engage at all.

I have a friend whose dd is really struggling too atm, and she is barricading herself in rooms/being violent 💔

I phoned the young minds parents helpline on Thursday but they were busy.

I'm going to tell dds godmother what's going on.

This thread has been a huge support, thank you x

@destiel00
The book "Never let Go" hit me like a ton of bricks
I really recommend it.....I also did the course but not fully done the modules..but the book is something I dig into time and time again.
The Facebook community is also very good. Though it can be a bit overwhelming to see how many kids struggle and how many are in such sad situations.

It's very scary, yes.

Dd has reached out to some friends at her hobby group, out of 4 girls, 3 have had/are having counselling 😞

I do wonder what we are doing to our young people. All the pressure. And the massive mismanagement of the covid pandemic, of course.

Dd had a decent weekend. Kept busy. Is talking about things in the future she's looking forward to (parties, prom, holiday...)

I've downloaded that book into my Kindle. I'm not sure I'm feeling up to diving in atm, but I'm sure I will at some point.

The camhs phone call was as expected. Referral closed and it's felt is not in active crisis (I agree).

2nd counselling session today.

I reached out to dds godmother, and it helped to talk.

Hoping you've all had a peaceful weekend x

There is no point looking for an explanation of why your child is that way. If I look back I can see some of this starting when she was much younger, she just coped though, but she was always ‘sensitive’.
Lockdown and a few incidents just pushed her over the edge. They weren’t the cause though. It’s just the way she is.
I think if she had gone to school when I did in the 80s she would have coped so much better, less noise, behaviour issues, pressure.

I also can’t explain why after a bad few weeks we are hitting a good stretch again. She got a 100% attendance last week (on a part time timetable but in every morning and afternoon). That’s not happened for years. We had a few morning wobbles but that’s it. Even went in this morning easy even though a session with her learning support staff was cancelled.

It's baffling, isn't it?

I'm assuming dd will have a blip again later after counselling, but 🤷‍♀️

It's the being constantly on edge I'm finding hard. Didn't sleep last night, so once home later, I might have a nap

Hope everyone is doing ok.
Half way through the week ..phew!

Looking to vent and a bit of advice too.
DD came to me few days back and said there could be a boy friend on the scene. He is in the year above at college.
She had already talked this through with her counsellor who advised her to open up to me.
I was glad she did despite being put on the spot.
I didn't go "yayy happy for you" but at the same time wasn't dismissive.
I told her the pros and cons, him being a year above he will soon be off, relationships don't survive long distance, she has only been at college 3 months, she has just found friends after many years and I don't want her to lose friends, she struggles with rejection sensitivity because of ADHD so any problems will be mega hard, she still has depression and serious binge issues, she has no time with college, learning to drive and working weekends, plus I and she would like to get good grades and go to uni and this would be a serious distraction.
Things then went very quiet and I left it.

Today she has left college mid way and has been out all evening. She has a test tomorrow and her mocks in 2 weeks. She had counselling today which she had cancelled. She also has a driving theory on Saturday and she hasn't been doing much prep.
She sent me a text saying she was revising in town with friends and came home with a bunch of flowers and said bf gave them.
I didn't react very well. I don't know how to handle things now.
I am terrified if things go wrong, it will send her into such a spiral that we will be back to where we were.
I know I am panicking, I know these things happen and people cope, I know I need to take it one day at a time so I can be there for her...it bloody hard.
I am not ready to welcome bf into my home..though I know on MN they advise you to..keep them close etc etc.

Any words of wisdom?
You can even tell me I am being silly!!