General support thread - come on in

[Kielyflower]

I couldn’t see a recent one of these so thought I’d start one.

I just feel I need to do something positive so will hopefully share some more thoughts later that I hope will help - others as well as myself.

In the meantime, feel free to check in as, if nothing else, it helps to feel less alone.

I did the chicken! It was really easy but a new recipe so it always takes more effort somehow. Chicken thighs in harissa, lemon and yoghurt. Flatbreads and salad. It was yummy with tzatziki.
I get the shopping thing. I put it off this week and then my lovely daughter came with me. I think I will online shop next week.

Sounds lovely! We bought a donner Kebab from the butchers Friday and did that with salad and flatbread with tzatziki that was good! You're sounding very positive @Wolfiefan it's great to see x

Well done on the chicken indeed!

Youre both making me hungry! And that I should really make that meal in our house!

@Kielyflower I feel hungry now too lol

@Takemeback2thestart How's things your end?

A nap, a full tummy and a large glass of red are all helping that!

@Wolfiefan good for you! I've been helping an elderly relative again today doing some cleaning, walking her dog and helping bath her. I do feel good whilst helping but as soon as I'm home I'm sad and deflated again! I'm really missing ddog too x

I’m so sorry. It’s so hard.

It is 😪

Hey everyone 👋 May I join? Just feeling really tearful and fragile the last few weeks. Even in public the tears will slip out, a lump in my throat. Can't focus, just want to go to bed so the day can be over (or mindlessly scroll the evening away). I don't want to go into the details, but I had an emotional shock last year and basically I'm not over it. Not sure if it's "two steps forward, one step back", or whether after some false starts I'm now just sinking. The adrenaline has faded and I just feel so weak. My brain feels tired. I thought this week about going to the doctor's but can't face it, don't want counselling (had it before and just found it upsetting). Just want a handhold right now, really. I feel physically low. The grey weather and darkness not helping. I'm worried I'm getting into a vicious cycle of not getting out enough and therefore feeling more depressed and less inclined to go out. Feel like I'm not cut out for life's slings and arrows. It's funny, at work I can distract myself a bit, I find I even take refuge in being a bit of a performer and extrovert in the office, proactive and confident and funny... And then I go home crying, and when I WFH I just zone out. It's like a comforting mask, the office persona.

@MarshaMarshaMarshmellow hello! I'm sorry you're feeling this low. Offering a hand hold and vent as much as needed. It must be exhausting putting on a persona most days! Be yourself on here

Thank you 💛 In some ways, I feel like the "office performer" is myself as much as anything... I feel I've got a "sad clown" streak, like feeling sad pushes me to these episodes of bravado and performance under pressure, a bit like something inside me says "what is there to lose", and also like it gives a sense of connection, of showing people who I am. Because I don't have a middle ground, can't slow down and connect at a normal frequency. Well, I've learnt to, but it's the first thing to fall away when I feel fragile. And without an audience, the bravado falls away too. It's like I'm either talking a mile a minute and turning cartwheels, or I'm tearful and unfocused. Right now I feel like I haven't emotionally matured since my teens, though perhaps we all regress to our teen selves during a rough patch? I was a really weepy teen... Who also loved to clown about to the gallery... Dearie me. Am a mother now and would like to provide a better example and more stable presence... Guess what, my mother did neither, and I just wonder if everything is doomed to repeat in new combinations of intergenerational dysfunction 😞 sorry, I don't want to bring everyone down, just venting my miserable thoughts.

Don't apologise vent away! You'll do better than your mum you've got determination. Try and get a good night's sleep You'll feel better for it

@MarshaMarshaMarshmellow hand hold from me aswell. I think it's important as a parent to show that it's ok to feel sad so I wouldn't worry about that.
No great advise because I'm treading water myself atm but this thread has some lovely people. X

Thank you both. I feel better to have got some of that off my chest. Thank you for the listening ears and hand hold. And a very good point about a good night's sleep!

@MarshaMarshaMarshmellow how you feeling this morning?

Thank you for checking in! I made the effort to leave the house and spent an hour by myself gardening in the morning sun, which I feel so much better for having done. Being close to nature, noticing green shoots from bulbs. There's something about nature and the seasons, that it's seen it all before and doesn't judge, do you know what I mean 😅 Feel guilty that I only get these moments if I consciously step away from DC and from work, even though I know it helps me be better at my responsibilities. Now buckling in for a day working at home on my own, hoping I don't glaze over and fall into negative thoughts. I don't feel tearful, at least.

How are you feeling this morning?

@MarshaMarshaMarshmellow glad you managed to get that hour in.
I was just re reading your post from yesterday. Like you I'm terrified of becoming my mother. I say to my DH if I'm ever like my mother please tell me.
I long to be able to crack this anxiety thing.
I know it's going to take time, I've been like this a long time so I suppose it will take time to go the other way but my god every day atm seems like hard work. Mind you I'm better than I was 10 months ago .
Sorry, starting to ramble.🤪
Hope you have an ok day. X

@MarshaMarshaMarshmellow no need to feel guilty we all need some me time. Love that you've done gardening in February and before even starting work! That's motivation for you so well done.

Thanks for asking how I am. I've just had a cbt session that was quite intense so a few tears but she's teaching me about challenging my thoughts so I'm going to try this over the next week or so x

I apologise for the long rambling post, I think I just need to get my feelings out in the open.

I've been having moments of feeling sad and overwhelmed for a few years. Two years ago I was advised to have a coil fitted, as I also had heavy periods so the GP thought it might be hormonal. About three months ago I had blood tests but they all came back fine and was told there's nothing physically wrong with me. After a weekend of feeling sad, cancelling plans with friends because I can't face seeing anyone, and being irritable with my daughter, I've had enough.

Unfortunately by the time I got through to my GP reception this morning, all of the appointments had gone and I was advised to call back tomorrow.

I need to speak to someone while I'm feeling so low, so I'm able to articulate my feelings better. If I don't get an appointment for several weeks, I could be temporarily out of the slump and will brush it under the carpet/downplay the symptoms until it hits me again...if that makes sense?

@Tarsandcase ring your gp back and tell them it's urgent and ask if there's an out of hours service they can refer you to. Most GPS have one.

Thank you for reading and taking the time to reply. The appointment line next opens at 2pm, so I'll give them a try then. I also have AXA health insurance through my work and can speak to a GP via an app. However, they're not able to prescribe antidepressants, so I don't know if there's much they can do.

@Tarsandcase ring bang on 2pm please. Its important to get the help you need. Keep talking and sharing on here. Someone will always respond :) sending hugs

@Tarsandcase

I need to speak to someone while I'm feeling so low, so I'm able to articulate my feelings better. If I don't get an appointment for several weeks, I could be temporarily out of the slump and will brush it under the carpet/downplay the symptoms until it hits me again...if that makes sense?

It makes perfect sense. Face to face contact with the right person can help so much. I'm trying to do something similar and trying to ring a therapist later today.

@MarshaMarshaMarshmellow

I made the effort to leave the house and spent an hour by myself gardening in the morning sun, which I feel so much better for having done. Being close to nature, noticing green shoots from bulbs. There's something about nature and the seasons, that it's seen it all before and doesn't judge, do you know what I mean

Offering a handhold It really helps leaving the house and spending some time in the nature. It's just sometimes tricky to get ready and do it. This part is the hardest. But then when I do it myself, I find that it recharges my batteries for a couple of days.

@Jk24 @Kielyflower @Wolfiefan @Ilovedogs1 I hope things are going okay and that Monday is somewhat tolerable.

I went out on Friday, which was really hard, but it helped a lot and this weekend was actually okay. I will try to go out today as well and spend some time in nature.