Learning To Like Ourselves - a thread for those who struggle with basic self care

[KintsugiKomorebi]

Anyone else really really struggle with the absolute basics of looking after themselves? I do. I grew up without learning this stuff and married someone who doesn’t know it either.

I have tried so many times to get into good habits and I have improved a bit, but the lovely mix of autism and ADHD make it really hard to manage a routine.

I am such a mess, honestly. I present an image to the outside world of someone who has their shit together but most people don’t have a clue how I really live, how I have to force myself to do even incredibly basic stuff like brush my hair. I keep on top of things like laundry - just about - but this morning I finally cleaned the mould off my bedroom windowsill that I sleep right next to, and it just makes me sad that I live like this. My skin is awful because I eat so badly, I can go days or even weeks barely leaving the house unless I have to for work.

I think for many of us this comes down to executive function difficulties, but also low self esteem. I don’t feel like it’s worth it to look after myself. But I really want to change that and I hope there might be other people like me here - not that I’d want anyone to feel like I do. If you do though please join me, and maybe we can encourage each other to look after ourselves better?

@Iwantthistobemyyear I moved to a new area recently and don't have any friends nearby. Have family but would really like one friend I could meet eg for coffee. It's on my list for 2024. I tried bumble (they do a friends version) last year and it didn't work. I have given myself until June to get to a point where I feel I can face people (mainly related to daily showering!) and am then going to try meet ups

having a really really tough day today. i want to cry.
i had a good weekend where i had things to do which made me get up and shower and get ready, which albeit tough, happened. today, was back to the grind and just lay in bed all day, i'm so mentally exhausted. this might sound ridiculous but i don't think it helps that i'm a celebrity has finished. that was the one positive part of my day i could structure all the dullness around and block out the loneliness. i'm so sad, because it was my moment of having positive people in my house, albeit through the television, who aren't going to give me any shit. why do people feel the need to give one another shit? i do not know!

How did you get on this afternoon? I’m sure this dark, damp cold weather really doesn’t help!
it’s not too late in the day to do something caring for yourself … maybe just accept that today will be less about getting stuff done and more about being kind to you (a bubble bath, read or watch something uplifting and inspiring or whatever you can manage).
Sending solidarity 🤗

Sorry @Iwantthistobemyyear just seen your update!
I can relate … and I think loneliness hits particularly hard this time of year.
My only saving grace with days like this is that I just keep reminding myself that tomorrow will be a better day.
Sorry maybe not that useful - but it’s how I reconcile with things when it’s just all … ‘wrong’ 🤗

So, update from chez ‘Tiredy’ awful and progressive in equal measures.

sleeping really badly and struggling with fatigue. Really hit a wall today at midday but didn’t feel too bad as managed a shower and clean face/teeth despite being a wfh day. Tick!

don’t think I’ll get much more productivity in today aside from feeding the brood, dishwasher and laundry out (if I can find a space for it to dry). Many things on my to do list not done today but I’m getting better at pushing things forward to the next day instead of throwing my hands in the air and ignoring everything for days/weeks/longer. Battling the perfectionism paralysis a day at a time … very very slowly 😬

I can relate to that, I used to do that with Strictly. I was genuinely bereft when it ended after months of watching ITT every day and hours every weekend watching the show and really investing in it, it used to really fill a big hole in the loneliness.

Thinking of those of you who have been struggling - right there alongside you.

Our nursery is almost empty at the moment as all the kids are sick so I'm on edge all the time just waiting for mine to go. So that's sapping all my energy to actually take care of myself. I have managed to brush my teeth and wash my face. Really want to take my super chipped nail polish off but for some reason that seems impossible. Just sat getting DC to sleep so maybe I'll go straight for the remover when I get out of their bedroom!

My water intake has also totally gone off the rails. Need to remember my water bottle tomorrow.

Tonight I just need to do the washing up and get myself ready for bed. Think it'll be an early night though I'm not sleeping due to anxiety...

Had a stressful day today, thought about messaging GP. Can get really overwhelmed by small things like misplacing an item and technology going wrong or things breaking down can cause a meltdown.

Meet up website is good for those looking to be social.

I'm tired and achy.

I think if I was more minamilist it would help me feel better mentally.

Hugs to those who had a stressful day and well done to all for any achievements ...just getting through another day is an achievement for me x

feel a bit better today. had a pretty early night. it took me hours to get dd settled and to sleep so as soon as she fell asleep, i couldn't move and went to sleep myself! probably around 9pm. i probably needed it. hopefully, i'll do that again tonight. i've tidied the living room and hoovered up crumbs. all i need to do today is a bit of washing up, shower, exercise and make food for the day. i'm thinking to make a big pot of food to keep me going for lunch and dinner. dd will never eat what i make but i think i have to start looking after myself and she will just have to learn to eat 'proper' food. i was going to have a walk but it started raining, so i came home. all confused now about what i should do first! i've also got an online job interview to complete. i don't feel prepared enough to do it today- tomorrow is the cut off point. i shall do it tomorrow. maybe if i cook enough food for two days, it will give me mental space to do it tomorrow.

Little normal things get in the way all the time. Filling in forms a lot the last few days, so didn't get dressed til 11! Luckily I work in the pm! I have no multitasking function at all! It's one thing intensely to the exclusion of everything else. And if it's a day of little everyday things, none of the major stuff gets done.
Will attempt more bedroom sorting today after numerous stupid errands! But rather expect to fail...

hey everyone, feeling a bit more functional today.
i realised i really needed to be around other people- biggest thing affecting my mental health is the isolation, so invited a neighbour round for tea. was nice to be human again. and then i went for a walk to buy some bits for tonight's dinner. it was absolutely bucketing it down but i kept on walking, as was determined to get out of my comfort zone. got the food for dinner and kept going into a local village. had to walk back up a huge hill to get home (one of the things which affects my productivity the most tbh, as don't drive and any little task or trip out means getting back up a hill afterwards)....i felt horrendous on the walk back and there was literally nowhere dry to stop and have a rest but home now and got half an hour before the school run, so going to take it easy and then come home and cook. hoping to shower etc once little on is in bed. going to start her bedtime routine even earlier tonight as it seems to take her about 90 minutes to unwind properly. i'm so glad i did the walk. i want to try and do one every single day- even if it is painful at the end. i might walk further out and then just get a bus back up the hill. also going to try and do one sociable thing per day, so i'm not getting stuck inside my own head.

Is it feasible to get the bus up the hill all the time? If so do that! Maybe one day you will be sprinting up that hill like a trooper but for now get the bus and make your life that little bit easier

it's feasible if they show up! sometimes they don't, and the app doesn't always work to check. it would also be over £26 a month if i did it every day that my dd was at school! it's £1.30 to go up one small stop. that's the same price as the gym membership i cancelled to save money each month and go walking instead 😂 i will get the bus sometimes though

sorry @toowels that should say 'more' than the gym membership i cancelled!

I was restently diagnosed with adhd in September and got my first medication appointment yesterday so took 2 doses of the drug they gave me and its been amazing! Like really feel like the constant internal monologue I've always had is gone and I'm just able to make decisions and get on with things it's so weird but amazing ! Wish I had meditation years ago

I also noticed my internal monologue is very negative and that has really not helped me at all , and I feel like I'm becoming free of that which i think will just help so much!

ahhh i'm so glad it has helped you :)

today was a bit of a tough day! i did an interview for a job online, and i have to say it was the hardest job interview i've ever done- i'm camera shy, although not people shy and it felt like such a head f* trying to convey my personality and abilities across over a pre recorded video, with no idea of who I was trying to connect with! once it was done, i realised how much headspace it's been taking up, ever since I was told about the job and started to apply for it. i felt a weight lifted, but now feel really out of sorts, thinking about how much time i've wasted with that in the back of my mind, for a job i'm not even sure i would want, right now! i went to a coffee morning after, so at least i got out of my head and around people and did half the walk which i did yesterday, including the hill, but felt utterly exhausted (mentally) when I got home. I just want to relax now and might treat myself to a take-away for dinner. School holidays start in a few days and I honestly can't wait to not have to get up and think of lots of things when I first wake up! I'm also tired because I set the alarm an hour earlier, as dd was asking to go to breakfast club- but then she couldn't wake up- so it was an hour of missed sleep for nothing! Oh well, lesson learned. Thanks for reading, those who are still here! this place helps a lot. I'm a bit behind on showering and proper hair brushing, but i'll be a lot better about it once i don't have the school uniforms and school emails to keep up with every day!

I've found volunteering has been the best way to make friends, because you already have a common interest.

Sorry still not able to read most posts so just sending encouragement to all.

I have had a bath today. I couldn't face shaving but feel better for the bath. Thank you for this thread.

Ok day here. Had a shower and wore decent clothes.

Have a social event this weekend and am feeling meh about it. I need to make sure I get up early enough to look decent. Too many events over the past few years where I have shown up looking a mess having convinced myself no one cares then felt out of place and miserable the whole time I am there

Sorry I don't mean to make this about hair and make up - it's about more than that. But for me that's the one thing I can do to make myself feel better and I want to get to the point where I believe I am worth putting the effort in for myself

Trying to always put things back when I use them which should help keep things tidier and lead to less stress. House is normally full of small piles of items that need a home.

Also bizarrely found a not very fresh sports bra in a handbag today. No idea when from or where I was when I decided to take it off...

Morning everyone. I'm struggling this morning. Sitting in my car outside work, got everything dive OK this morning, but already overwhelmed with what I have to do tonight at home, which is just write a few cards and go to tesco for last minute gifts and petrol. Trying to put that to one side so I can function today. The tasks won't take long, but I have that paralysed feel about them and I've made them feel impossible to achieve before I've even started. Just brain dumping here to sort my thoughts. This time of year is stressful!

go ahead and share all the make up needs you want! if that's part of self care for you, then it matters. i totally understand that feeling of feeling out of place when you haven't had the energy to make a big effort with it all at social events.

you've got this bone! is there something nice in tesco you can get as a treat which might take your mind off the daunting parts of it?

yay for the baths! at least it's winter and legs are undercover!

BETH KEMPTON✨Making the most of this precious life (@bethkempton) • Instagram photos and videos

Just wanted to share this here for everyone. I did it last year. It's completely free and it starts in the lull between christmas and new year. I didn't manage to finish each writing prompt every day last year, but it did help me focus on self care a lot, after the busy season. I'm excited to do it again this year, with no pressure on myself to complete it. It's very wintery and has a real cosy vibe to it. She does promote a book at the beginning to accompany the course, but there's no pressure or real push to get it. It all comes into your email, and you don't have to join the Facebook group, if it's too much! I really liked it- I've seen other free courses advertised online and this one felt very legit.

Today, I'm feeling guilty about sending dd to school. She's on the pathway to autism diagnosis and there's a couple of mean girls in her reception year already. Lots of bullying. I've finally managed to get someone to take it seriously today, who is going to arrange a meeting for me with the head of infants. DD really didn't want to go into school today but there's some lovely girls she's leaning towards wanting to be friends with and I don't want those friendships to fizzle out by her not being there. We go in late a lot, because she struggles to get to sleep. I can spend hours with her on her bedtime routine, and sometimes wonder 'is this really my life', and then feel guilty of course, for feeling that way. I think it saps all my mental energy from being able to give myself the self care which I need.

I haven't done any christmas cards this year- feel too exhausted to. was going to hand paint them, as i started a few weeks ago, and then never found the energy again to continue. i've got the school teachers' present to buy today, as i collected all the money from the parents. it's only down the road, to buy a gift card, but I shall push myself.
Showering and making dinner are also on the to do list.