Learning To Like Ourselves - a thread for those who struggle with basic self care

[KintsugiKomorebi]

Anyone else really really struggle with the absolute basics of looking after themselves? I do. I grew up without learning this stuff and married someone who doesn’t know it either.

I have tried so many times to get into good habits and I have improved a bit, but the lovely mix of autism and ADHD make it really hard to manage a routine.

I am such a mess, honestly. I present an image to the outside world of someone who has their shit together but most people don’t have a clue how I really live, how I have to force myself to do even incredibly basic stuff like brush my hair. I keep on top of things like laundry - just about - but this morning I finally cleaned the mould off my bedroom windowsill that I sleep right next to, and it just makes me sad that I live like this. My skin is awful because I eat so badly, I can go days or even weeks barely leaving the house unless I have to for work.

I think for many of us this comes down to executive function difficulties, but also low self esteem. I don’t feel like it’s worth it to look after myself. But I really want to change that and I hope there might be other people like me here - not that I’d want anyone to feel like I do. If you do though please join me, and maybe we can encourage each other to look after ourselves better?

@SuspiciousLampshade oh gosh lovely, that sounds so so hard. I think it's times like those when the self care stuff is really needed, to give yourself some love and comfort. Sounds like the shower will really help you to get back to yourself. Hoping it's not too bad for your mum and you can get through the day- I'm sure your work will understand if you're not feeling your best. Hugs.

having a tough day, really missing this thread and the activity here. still beating myself up for the things i can't achieve.

@Iwantthistobemyyear dont beat yourself up, focus on one thing at a time. One step :) what is the one thing you want to do today?

It's been a long slog here and lots of tears but we're finally moving away from the horrible neighbours on Thursday, I got my massive presentation out of the way, and my mum is recovering from her major operation so that's over too for now thankfully! We are waiting to hear what their treatment suggestions are.

Today I'm back at work after a little time off and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by all the social interaction, DS2 has also decided 5am is an acceptable time to wake up and DH is under the weather so I'm beginning to get really tired. I think my one thing for myself tonight is a very early night - like a lie in but you do it by sleeping really early!

I'm glad you're finally away from your toxic neighbour and all the big events have passed!

It's so hard isn't it, when you're trying to recover from an emotionally trying time, and everyone around you seems to be in your energy space at all hours of the day. I totally get that.

I've been getting tiny jobs done here and there. It's so hard after my flu, as I had been in a good space, just prior to it.

All I'd like to do today is to be able to have a shower and wash my hair. Then over the weekend I can do the other jobs like washing up and tidying the toys away from the living room. I'm thinking I'm going to banish the toys all to dd's bedroom, but then that's creating another big task for myself isn't it? Think i'll leave it for now and maybe take one or two toys upstairs at a time, when I think about it.

I went to the doctors and asked for a referral to social services, as I'm at my limit with what I can take as a single mum to a SEN child. I've had a lot of anger directed at me this past week- loads of aggression and things thrown at me, and very little sleep. School have put in a referral to Early Help too. Wondering if I'm going to meet their criteria or not. Not sure what the next step is for me, really, with getting my life to a better, more positive place.

Think I should join in with this thread! ASD and ADHD here. The main aspects of self care I struggle with are teeth cleaning and hair brushing. I end to get ADHD medication sorted, but it’s a bit up in the air with shortages right now. Although my cousin has recently started on the same medication as I’ve been recommended, so maybe there isn’t an issue with that one.

I also struggle hugely with self esteem and anxiety.

I've sat here today and read this entire thread after browsing the MH board in search of some sort of help.

On a positive note, I managed to read the second half of the thread in the bath, if it weren't for this thread, I wouldn't have had a bath today, which was very much needed.

I'm a single parent to a 5yr old and I feel I've never really got my life back on track since she was born. I was aiming to be a great mother, clean house, decorating, spending time with her but none of it has happened. I look at her sat playing with her toys on the floor amongst all the mess and I feel shame for me and pity for her.

I hate getting up in the mornings, and when I can I just move from my bed to the sofa.

I was taking antidepressants up until a good while ago when I decided they weren't working so I just stopped. I think I felt a little better for a while off them but I've sank so low, that today I took one for the first time in months and months. I'm on Fluoxetine. I'll give them a go again and if not, I'll have to get something else. Have tried citalopram, Sertraline and mirtazipne.

I'm like all of you. Just not functioning. Everything is always a mess and it feels like starting at the beginning every day and getting nowhere. Some days I do nothing at all. I scrat around for food because I can't being myself to do a food shop, even online. I have a massive sack of clean laundry so we basically live out of that bag.

I don't know what the answer is.

@scorpiogirly that made me so sad to read. we are basically in the same boat- single mum, almost five year old, wanting to get my house decorated and life together. i've found what helps is having an accountability partner. I've got another single mum friend and we spent a day encouraging one another to do our jobs one by one. She's not always available though, so I come back here when there's no one in my real life. Would you like an accountability partner? DM me if you do, or tag me here. This thread has gone a bit quiet though, so it may just be a couple of us now.

@toffee1000 how are you getting on today? is there anything you want to focus on first?

Heya everyone!

I noticed this thread has gone super quiet, so I've made a new one, to try and inject some fresh life back into our accountability!

Hope no-one minds me doing this. It was just really helping me to have this place, so decided to try and see if it works if I make another one.

Getting stuff done! ADHD, Autism, Depression, Anxiety, PDA and Overwhelm Accountability thread | Mumsnet

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Hope you're all doing amazingly with those to-do lists, your mental health and whatever else is going on! Have made a new thread, (see above ^) if anyone is interested is carrying on the accountability. xxx

My god I am so sorry, I didnt even know anyone had teolied to my previous post. Must have gotten lost in my notifications.

@Iwantthistobemyyear thank you so much. Yes that sounds like a great idea and I will definitely join the new thread when I have posted this.

hi all not sure if i should post here or on the new thread. for me lack of self care in the thread title really resonates. it is such a huge relief to know other people also struggle like this. but the new title is not something i would click on as i don't have adhd so wouldnt want to intrude on others space. but such a relief it is not just me who struggles. you look around at people who are "normal" and can just happily do all these things easily without a second thought and wish i was like them

the hygienist stuff really hit home. i do have gum disease and i know i should address it but i am quite phobic and last time i felt judged and embarassed and it hurt so really put me off

it is totally not having had any sort of care or love as a child and growing up abused and neglected so no idea what kindness to myself looks like

some days even doing school run and managing to feed kids feels exhausting and draining and that is without even having really properly brushed hair etc

i do hope i can join in as it is so helpful to be able to tell someone that hey i had a shower today

being a single parent doesnt help either as i have no support and no family and friends are "normal" so wouldnt get it. plus it is embarassing

i hope people manage to do small steps today. mine is doing a youtube pilates workout for my back and i did that so am pleased

The only thing that happens when you beat yourself up is that you end up beaten. Lift yourself up and who knows how high you can fly.

Hey yummy. Sorry the new thread title put you off. I wrote overwhelm in there as well for those who don't have a label and just struggle in general.

Come over there and feel welcome, if you need to- I think this thread may have gone to sleep- although who knows- it might revive itself now.

I have slipped when I got down for two days. Its embarrassing but I didn't do the washing up. I started simply, but by bit so its easier for me and I got it done and started tidying up, item by item... it works for me.