Learning To Like Ourselves - a thread for those who struggle with basic self care

[KintsugiKomorebi]

Anyone else really really struggle with the absolute basics of looking after themselves? I do. I grew up without learning this stuff and married someone who doesn’t know it either.

I have tried so many times to get into good habits and I have improved a bit, but the lovely mix of autism and ADHD make it really hard to manage a routine.

I am such a mess, honestly. I present an image to the outside world of someone who has their shit together but most people don’t have a clue how I really live, how I have to force myself to do even incredibly basic stuff like brush my hair. I keep on top of things like laundry - just about - but this morning I finally cleaned the mould off my bedroom windowsill that I sleep right next to, and it just makes me sad that I live like this. My skin is awful because I eat so badly, I can go days or even weeks barely leaving the house unless I have to for work.

I think for many of us this comes down to executive function difficulties, but also low self esteem. I don’t feel like it’s worth it to look after myself. But I really want to change that and I hope there might be other people like me here - not that I’d want anyone to feel like I do. If you do though please join me, and maybe we can encourage each other to look after ourselves better?

@toowels What's tracking

Oh wow. Forgot to check MN for a bit - work has been crazy and I’m in pain from the dental stuff. I am amazed at how many posts there are!

I am glad to see so many people supporting each other 💜

I will catch up properly later, but I have been doing pretty well looking after my teeth, everything else is a bit of a struggle though.

Can I join I've recently been diagnosed with ahdhd and I just struggle horriblely especially now I have 2 girls 1 high needs autistic so need to do everything for her. And youngest has all same issues I have undiagnosed adhd. Lockdown ruined me too. Weight balloned I just struggle to have shower and wash hair. Hair is falling out started since having my girls. Clothes are getting too small and I just feel terrible.

Can I join too?
My house is my biggest problem. I procrastinate so much and get overwhelmed with it all. I don’t answer the door to visitors anymore because I’m so ashamed of it.
I don’t take care of myself because of low self-esteem. My parents told me I was ugly my entire childhood. I look back at the few photos there are of me back then and I can see I wasn’t ugly, just a normal child. I’ve let myself go so much and let their words get into my head though that I am now ugly. I haven’t taken care of myself at all.
I look around me and see real adults, people who look grown up and put together and know what they are doing. I feel like an imposter. If someone told me I was an alien from another planet who had been put in a human body as an experiment, I would believe them. The world confuses me and overwhelms me.
My goal for tonight is to clean the lounge floor as there are wrappers scattered everywhere.

do you think maybe because you did a lot of tasks today you needed a big reward for it, so the box of chocolates was it? could you give yourself loads of praise instead? sticky notes of 'well done' at the bottom of a job, so when you've done it you see it? buy yourself some gold stars maybe? think of it as giving yourself internal goodness which you've always needed, instead of sugary poison.

you're beautiful! don't even need to see your face to see that, because you're full of beautiful warmth just in your words alone!

similar circumstances over here- i'm sure i have undiagnosed adhd...or possibly just symptoms from loads of childhood trauma....dd had autism....weight ballooned in lockdown also....but we can do it! if we managed to put the weight on, it means we can manage to take it back off again. put your clothes which don't fit away and make sure you have just a few outfits out which fit and feel comfortable for every day wear. takes the pressure off. little and often, little steps to healthy meals, little steps to build up to the exercise....tonight i just stretched and did some pelvic floor exercises...going to eventually build up to some proper cardio and weights. try and throw one vegetable into every meal until you can replace the empty calories with more and more goodness. i honestly feel so much better just after a few days of tracking my progress with everyone here.

I'm feeling really overwhelmed with Christmas and presents etc. I can't hold a thought in my head for more than two seconds so even writing a list is difficult unless I have a PE or phone in my hand. All these jobs that need doing and I just can't bring myself to do them. Why is it that you know you will feel instantly better if you do them but you still don't do them? No idea!

we will help you- we all know how it is! keep writing and figuring out what it is you want to focus on first. x hugs

thank you, you've done amazingly too <3 smashing our basic life tasks!

can you get post it notes in your pocket so that you can just write that one thought down at a time when they pop up? eventually it will grow into a list. i'm finding doing something i enjoy first is giving me some mental space i need to think about the hard boring things

@Iwantthistobemyyear thank you that's a good idea! It just needs to be instant! When I do write a list I then sometimes forget to look at it! I work full time so when I get home I'm even less motivated.

@Moonshine5 nothing special just a list every day I tick off! I am not going to change the list until every single one of the items is an automatic habit I know I won't slip backwards on

Big challenge coming up - DH is working late and I am watching tv. I should now get ready for bed and have an early night. What I tend to do is fall asleep in front of the tv cold and uncomfortable with the kitchen still a mess from dinner - so I end up trying to load a dishwasher and deal with dogs etc at 2.30am

This is so well timed for me because I had made a big promise to myself that 2024 would be the year I start to take care of myself

Sending hugs your way💑

Lifeisajourney. You are not alone, you are beautiful, you can do this🤗

.

I think I'm addicted to sugar.. even when I do spend the day in bed I can eat lot of sugar.. is emotional eating, I feel guilty after eating too much sugar or carbs but I can't stop it.

Good morning,

You are not alone, we can help each other. 💜
You are a very strong mummy. When it was last time you washed your hair? Would you like to wash it today when your girls are at school and you can update us later? Maybe buying a nice smelling shampoo can motivate you a bit more 🙂🙂
Have you ask the gp for a blood test? The hair falling could be stress related but it could be a vitamin deficiency too.

Yes I need to wash it today and have shower. I recently had it cut which was so much better. Me and my family have been ill non stop since end of autumn , trying to find ways to boast immune system, thinking of buying multi vitamins and doing some sort of every morning tick list to try and remember for everyone to have them.

Name change fail! Stupid phone!

For me it's not that I didn't learn to do all this when I was growing up, I just seem to have a mental block when it comes to taking care of myself and my home. I live on my own and WFH, so will often not bother showering cause I am not going to see anyone else. My house is a mess, I'm fat and need to lose weight, it's all just too much.

One book that did help me before, and I should probably re-read, is How to Keep House While Drowning: A gentle approach to cleaning and organising amzn.eu/d/dFC3uc5 She talks about taking the moral judgement out of doing/not doing things, so not making a meal doesn't make you a bad person etc. I guess the book works a bit like CBT, reframing the way you think about things.

Morning!

I put all our multivitamins somewhere I can't miss them - at the moment they're on the table so we grab them while eating breakfast. We were the same last year, sick nonstop from September to after Christmas, and it really drains you. 💙 Hope you have a lovely hair wash and feel loads better afterwards!

I've been putting off going to the shop for days now, we really need coffee but I've been somehow managing to eke out the little we have left...so that's one of my little things to do today. And get my water in as usual, plus finish writing my Christmas cards (haven't done any since 2020 but bought some on a whim and am hoping some Christmas music will help). Already know my little task for tomorrow will be posting them, I hate the post office!

Thanks for the kindness, sorry I'm not currently in a place to give back.

After reading on here I washed all my clothes and put on clean ones, a shower was, embarrassingly a step too far, but I'm a step closer. Have brushed teeth.

I wash and clean everyone else's clothes and make sure they have good well kept items, I just can't seem to do it for myself.

I have mine next to the coffee machine so i dont forget them lol

I brought the kids to the school, when I came back instead of sitting in the couch I thought why I don't take out the rubbish bags from the kitchen to the wellie bin ? I also took out the recycling.

And now I'm folding the dry clothes meanwhile I watch desesperate housewives.