I think I’m having a breakdown

[ShellieL]

That’s it.
life is becoming unbearable.
I have great job. I was happily married until yesterday. It all came tumbling down.
I know I’ve lost it all now.
its 2am and I don’t know what to do.

Things always feel worse during the early hours.

You can get over this mountain.

Want to share what happened or is it too much at the minute?

Thank you so much for replying.
Everything is too much.
I don’t want this. I know if I can’t pull myself out of it, then I’ve lost my relationship. We only got married last year.
im 53.
I haven’t slept for more than a few hours for weeks.
my step daughter hates me. I don’t like her either. But it’s worn me down.
i recently got promoted, but I can’t work - just didn’t go in yesterday.
life is imploding

I don’t know whether to call Samaritans or 111.
I really have lost it.
im actually frightened.

This sounds so much to handle and process.

Please do call - I have used The Samaritans in the past and found it useful to have the space to talk to someone removed from the situation.

But equally 111 is you feel it is needed.

I really do think everything seems more challenging at night.

Dont worry about work, it will be there when you are ready for it x

Thanks.
I really don’t understand where this has come from.
im very isolated now. I work from home, no friends. My children are all grown up.
I love my husband, but it’s not enough.

Sometimes things have been in our subconsious and then a small trigger is all that is needed to escalate things.

It must be draining not to get on with your stepdaughter? That is constant family politics and a big mental load.

Have you any past friends you could reconnect with?

I’ve just called for help.
I’ve come downstairs to avoid waking my husband.
yes. It has drained me completely and I know that I cannot continue having a relationship with her - she’s an adult - but that means I will lose my marriage.
my heart is racing. I don’t know what to do with myself.

I hope you've managed to speak to someone. Families are so complicated and not always the easiest, sending you a virtual hug

Calling for help was so brave, well done Are you able to wake your husband and say that you need to table everything for now but you really need help? No matter what has happened, I can't imagine he would want you to be alone at a time like this. The same as this has come, this will go. It's not forever, even if it feels like it right now - it won't last. Keep talking. Keep asking for help. Do you have any pets you could curl up with for a while? Anything that you can do to distract yourself until help arrives? Maybe a warm drink and an old tv show that you've always loved? You just have to survive the next bit. And you can do that, I promise. It won't feel this way forever.

Hopefully someone will call me back.
I know that my actions now mean that there is no going back.
it’s so sad as we were so happy. But I can’t cope with the level of toxicity.
i have told him that I would have left him a long time ago if she was in the picture, but she had moved out and was living abroad.
a month after we got married, she came back and moved in with us.
she’s now living in her own place, but she is constantly and I mean constantly messaging her dad. She also is incredibly close to my sons partner, so I literally cannot escape her.
writing this down is helping.
it’s his daughter, so I know that’s the end of us.
I’ve got nowhere to go. And I loved him so much.

It all blew up because she told me something about my other son that was told to her in confidence.
as a mother, I couldn’t ignore that.
she said something pretty horrible to me and I lost it. Completely lost it.
I get so nervous when she’s around.
im 53 for goodness sake.
I don’t know what to do:

Ok, deep breaths. In your nose, out your mouth. Bring yourself back to earth it sounds like you're in a state of panic. Get a cold glass of water.
It sounds like this has been building up for a while and families are not always cosy and happy infact families can bring more misery than good to some peoples lives.

I'm really sorry you feel like this at the moment but I promise you, this will pass (I have bipolar 2 and often get very low and feeling similar to you and at the time it feels very overwhelming but it does pass), stay strong and hang on in there. Get a note pad and write down all that is bothering you, and get in touch with your GP first thing, nip this in the bud.
Whilst you love your husband, is it worth staying knowing how much misery your step daughter is bringing to your life and will probably continue to bring to your life? I very much doubt he'd be inclined to "take your side" here, we don't know the story but it's how things tend to pan out.

Try and get some fresh air pop in the garden or open a window and breath. Slow your heart rate as that will be intensifying all of your current feelings. I'm sending you gentle hugs. This will pass, OP ♥️

Yes. I know he won’t take my side. I wouldn’t want him to. It’s his daughter.
I have to get out for my sanity. Although I think that’s already gone.
I feel like an absolute failure.
the feeling of panic is overwhelming. We had just come back from a weekend away for my birthday.
i

I’m just about to throw away everything.
for goodness sake - how can this be happening

Hi @ShellieL sorry you're going through this xx
could you tell us what would be an ideal outcome? Could you work towards that? Xx

The ideal outcome is not going to happen.
I don’t want her around me.
therefore I need to go.
im basically homeless now. This is his house.

How old is his daughter?

I don’t know what to say to work and my team.
i know I’ll be judged.

She’s 26.

She loves drama.
I don’t.
she says horrible things about people constantly.
I don’t - well until now.
we are complete opposites.
she looked after our dogs for the weekend. I’d made a huge effort to make her room lovely.
she couldn’t even be bothered to make the bed. Towels everywhere. Plates left in the garden from Friday night.
people over to stay.
I can’t ever relax as I don’t know if she’s popping in. She phones and messages her dad all of the time.

I didn’t want to spend time with her on my birthday. Which was Sunday. But I had to.
I feel my hackles rise whenever she is around.
i absolutely know this is wrong and I need to go.
it’s just devastating.

Your middle aged and she's 20s of course your not alike. Don't let her look after your dog or make a room in your house like she's a child, she's an adult. If another adult ever isn't polite or respectful, fuck them off, she's no different

She’s an only child. She’s been cosseted her whole life.
it’s done. It’s all too much and I pressed the ‘f’ it button.
im not even sure, but I think I took too many pills. I also drank alcohol.
im disgusted with myself.
I love 20 odd miles from the nearest hospital. I don’t drive.
feel as though I’m just waiting to die right now.
I was a lovely, warm, caring woman. I would do anything for anyone.
and now this.

@ShellieL I know it doesn't feel like it now but I promise you everything is going to be okay. It always is, and if it isn't ok yet, it isn't over.
You're going to feel some clarity of mind soon, best thing is to try and sleep no matter how hard that is, just tell yourself the only way you'll feel better is if you sleep. Or failing that, wait it out, write your thoughts down, try distraction. But I promise you, this feeling is temporary my darling, everything's going to work itself out one way or another, because that's life.

Well done for reaching out. You've got this xxx

Live, not love.
im not drinking now. Just lots of water.
im really frightened. Adrenaline is running through me.