I think I’m having a breakdown

[ShellieL]

That’s it.
life is becoming unbearable.
I have great job. I was happily married until yesterday. It all came tumbling down.
I know I’ve lost it all now.
its 2am and I don’t know what to do.

Hopefully she'll have had a shock and stop overstepping boundaries now.

Glad you are at the hospital Shellie.

You say you SD loves drama. She says horrible things about people constantly. She couldn’t even be bothered to make the bed. Towels everywhere. Plates left in the garden from Friday night. She phones and messages her dad all of the time.

Her dad and others will know what she is like. They see the drama, hear the horrible things, see the lack of respect she has for other people's houses. You may find that you get a lot more support than you think when you say that things with her have to change because of the detrimental effect it is having on you and therefore your marriage.

Your home is your sanctuary from work stress and the world. Not being able to relax at home because it's an open house to her will be a major cause of why you are feeling so low now as you have nowhere 'safe' from her. Pick the right moment and tell your husband how you are feeling.

I'm glad you reached out and are getting the help you need. Big hugs to you x

Hope you’re being looked after and have some rest OP x

You have asked for help now and that’s what matters. I think you were really brave.

If it is the menopause and you get your hormones sorted out that might give you strength to make boundaries and deal with all the other things that are troubling you. You will get through this. We are behind you.

Thinking of you @ShellieL I’m so glad you posted and asked for help.

if this is hormonal, it can be sorted out. Whatever happens, this will provoke a conversation and perhaps some boundaries will be introduced so that you can make things work AND he has a relationship with both you and his DD.

it is always darkest before the dawn. You will get through this.

I’ve been exactly where you are at different points in my life and I know how terrifying it all is. Breathe. Talk. Talk to us, talk to him.

I hope you are ok.

Don't settle back into life with him, boundaries or no.

I wish I had posted this yesterday morning.

i feel deeply ashamed, but the support here is just incredible.

I just hope that I haven’t caused myself irreparable damage. If I have, I have.

it’s uncomfortable waiting to find out.

after what we both said yesterday, there is no relationship left with my SD. That’s gone.

I will never spend any time with her again.

I just hope my family will forgive me.

@ShellieL sending you a huge hug. Your SD sounds like a piece of work and I'm sorry your DH came with her. I don't know what she said about your son - she's an entitled bitch and did it to upset you. 🤬

If you took 6 or so tabs, you'll be fine. I hope it wasn't a lot more because you're on here seeking support not saying goodbye and honestly I'm glad about that.🥰

Your DH needs to deal with his daughter, you can't. It's not him choosing, it's him parenting. If he can't do that, then, you need to look after you whatever that looks/feels like but I'd start with hypnotherapy/ counselling. Get more tools in your 'dealing with shits tool kit'. Don't give in, you can match and out fox her anyway of the week once you have your toolkit filled.

Take a little time for yourself. You sound like a lovely person. Good luck xxx

Not RTFT but I’m pretty sure that your husband being by your side means he is forgiving.

OP I’m so sorry, sending hugs and hoping you are ok?

Could you be menopausal. I remember freaking out like this when I started the menopause and had to take 6 months off work. See your GP as soon as possible. Get a face to face appointment.

It sounds very hard for you. I hope your blood results are OK and that you get some help.

No advice on top of what others have said, just wanted to reach out and send you some love too x

OP sometimes it takes time and a bit of distance to feel differently about situations that feel insurmountable at the time. Your stepdaughter sounds relatively immature for mid twenties, but she will grow and change.
Any hormonal issues due to menopause can make things harder to cope with, You can lose patience and resilience. Don’t assume this is all a total catastrophe. Get HRT if you suspect menopause is having an impact on your mood, try and step back from your feelings about your step daughter. What she has done sounds annoying in a teenage way, and she is a few years too old for this behaviour, but it isn’t relationship ending stuff by the sound of it.
You love your husband, you understand that he loves and wants to support his daughter, with a few tweaks this could all be fine.
This too shall pass OP.

Update. Bloods all clear. So just leaving now.
I'm just calling my gp to make an appointment. Thank you all.

Gently, I'd suggest you look at all the factors that have lead to this point before deciding that it's all about your stepdaughter. Ultimately you may of course decide that everything would be fine except for her but from what you've posted it's possible she might be the rather nasty icing on the cake. Do look at things like menopause - it can literally drive you out of your mind.

Please don’t feel ashamed . Every single person posting on this thread has done something really REALLY stupid in their own lives. Something that seemed like a good idea at the time, or the only way out , because we felt trapped or desperate or isolated.

But you have done the right thing now in seeking help and I’m sure the doctors will do everything they can. Once you have some space and time please come back and post again, there are always kind women here who will hold your hand, however bad you feel.

Remember that you can always change your user name on MN and start a new thread that’s just about your family situation and doesn’t mention what’s happened over the last day or so. If you don’t want people to focus on that.

Just a thought.

Glad your bloodwork is ok! This is the first step to feeling better

Yes. I think you’re right.
I have tried to be as careful as possible with the language I’ve used.

Just popping on to send a gentle hug. Well done for asking for help and talking OP. It will be OK 💐

Sending you a virtual hug of support. Am so glad your bloods are clear and that you have asked for help.

@ShellieL so sorry to hear you have had such a tough night, you must be feeling exhausted. Rest is so important now, so do try and get some sleep. Talking can come later.

GP will be able to help, so do try and be honest with them about how you have been feeling. There is medication to help but also talking therapy can be good.

Take a deep breath, and take it one step at a time xx

Yes. I think you’re right
I have tried to be as careful as possible with the language I’ve used

Yes you have been very measured in what you’ve said.

The final straw for my leaving my long marriage was the toxic behaviour of my 30 something step daughter. Once I was out and had some distance, I was able to see the role of my husband in not just enabling that but actually promoting it for his own reasons.

It doesn’t excuse her in any way - she is a very damaged and damaging person and one of the many joys of being separated from him is no longer having to deal with her and his other family members.

But I can see how he was not in any way a victim of her , as he portrayed himself . He controlled and manipulated her over decades, to serve his own ends, which damaged her at a very deep level .

I don’t know if any of that makes sense or rings any bells with you. If not please feel free to ignore 🙂, this is your thread, about you.

There's another thread running here about when people went on HRT and the main symptoms.
A lot of posters mentioned overwhelming anxiety. It might be worth a read as it sounds like you are experiencing a lot of this.
Get a blood test booked in with your GP. Make sure you (or your husband) phones in sick for you as not turning up will as to your anxiety. Tell them you won't be in this week and will be getting a sick note (book GP appointment).

Don't make any rash decisions about your marriage or job in this frame of mind. Give yourself at least a month to seek treatment and work out how you really feel.

It very much does. He was a single father, so their bond is incredible.

thanks again everyone. I’m now home, going to bed and waiting for my gp to call.