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Original poster

I think I’m having a breakdown

183 replies

ShellieL · 25/07/2023 02:03

That’s it.
life is becoming unbearable.
I have great job. I was happily married until yesterday. It all came tumbling down.
I know I’ve lost it all now.
its 2am and I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
octoberfarm · 26/07/2023 03:06

Oh, I'm so happy to see your update! I've been thinking of you since you first posted, and I'm so, so glad to see that things are moving in a positive direction ❤️

Original poster
ShellieL · 26/07/2023 07:23

Thanks again everyone.
I slept last night - all the way through. I do feel pretty spaced out this morning. Quite strange.
I’m going to start work in a moment. Fortunately I work from home, which is good for situations like this. My husband wanted me to stay off, but I’d rather go in and at least try it.

As to what’s next?
I really don’t know right now. Probably too early for a lot of thinking or knee jerk reactions. I need to get my mental health back on an even keel first.

I can’t ever tell you all how much your kindness means to me. The lack of judgement and the support was phenomenal.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 26/07/2023 07:32

Bless you. I am so glad you’re ok. Please do what is right for you, even if it is working fewer hours for a while or not at all. Can you discuss this with work? Do they have an in house HR dept? Have you told them what’s going on?

Simonlebonbon · 26/07/2023 07:33

So pleased with this update and proud of you @ShellieL x

EweCee · 26/07/2023 07:43

You are incredible - you asked for help and pushed until you got it through a very low night. Well done, and I hope work goes ok for you today. If not, take some time - prioritise yourself and try to find balance (a balance I'm trying to find myself right now, its hard, but a necessity.)

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 26/07/2023 08:07

Hi @ShellieL I'm glad things have calmed enough to sleep. Gonna add my 10p worth, FWIW. I am part of a blended family with adult DSC as well as my own adult DD. There have been several difficulties over the years, and in the past it has been about the only thing we have argued about.

Adult DSC went through a stage of being extremely needy. Older one in particular was always borrowing and not repaying money to DH, and it was particularly hurtful when she denied she was invited to my hen do 6 yrs ago. This festered rather, and I have approached it, tactfully, this week, in reference to her own hen do, which is coming up.

She has responded well, and much more maturely than she would have in the past, so we seem to have reached a respectful truce. It would have been unthinkable a couple of years ago.

So, I think what I am rather long windedly saying, is that sometimes, in my own case, when they mature, and I stopped looking for any sort of validation from her (I don't think she has ever shown any interest in my fascinatingd life ever) then things became pretty ok.

On the other hand, I know someone whose step children were so hostile, and their father refused to address it, that the relationship ended. Only you and DH are able to work out which of those it is, but preferably when everyone is calm. I know this, as I have the t shirt!

I wish you luck. I know it's hard, but not impossible Flowers

Original poster
ShellieL · 26/07/2023 08:21

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 26/07/2023 08:07

Hi @ShellieL I'm glad things have calmed enough to sleep. Gonna add my 10p worth, FWIW. I am part of a blended family with adult DSC as well as my own adult DD. There have been several difficulties over the years, and in the past it has been about the only thing we have argued about.

Adult DSC went through a stage of being extremely needy. Older one in particular was always borrowing and not repaying money to DH, and it was particularly hurtful when she denied she was invited to my hen do 6 yrs ago. This festered rather, and I have approached it, tactfully, this week, in reference to her own hen do, which is coming up.

She has responded well, and much more maturely than she would have in the past, so we seem to have reached a respectful truce. It would have been unthinkable a couple of years ago.

So, I think what I am rather long windedly saying, is that sometimes, in my own case, when they mature, and I stopped looking for any sort of validation from her (I don't think she has ever shown any interest in my fascinatingd life ever) then things became pretty ok.

On the other hand, I know someone whose step children were so hostile, and their father refused to address it, that the relationship ended. Only you and DH are able to work out which of those it is, but preferably when everyone is calm. I know this, as I have the t shirt!

I wish you luck. I know it's hard, but not impossible Flowers

I really, really needed to read this.
I’m a fixer. Always have been. So I try too hard. I’m sitting firmly on my hands for the time being.
work can be stressful, but it will be the one thing that will stay constant despite what does/n’t happen at home.

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 26/07/2023 08:42

@ShellieL fwiw, in my case, for a number of years, I just stepped back a bit for sanity reasons. My system was, in an emergency I would be there, same as I would for most people, but trivial drama/money/etc I would let DH get on with it.

This worked pretty well tbf. May or may not help you. Feel free to pm me if you think anything I have to offer you in the way of tactics/whatever could be helpful.

Original poster
ShellieL · 26/07/2023 08:43

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 26/07/2023 08:42

@ShellieL fwiw, in my case, for a number of years, I just stepped back a bit for sanity reasons. My system was, in an emergency I would be there, same as I would for most people, but trivial drama/money/etc I would let DH get on with it.

This worked pretty well tbf. May or may not help you. Feel free to pm me if you think anything I have to offer you in the way of tactics/whatever could be helpful.

@SpongeBobJudgeyPants . Thank you. That’s bought a few tears to my eyes - in a good way.

OP posts:
Dibbydoos · 26/07/2023 08:45

@ShellieL after posting previously, Ive jyst searched out your thread to check where you are and Im so relieved to have caught up on everything. You're obviously a fighter, well done!

It sounds like DH is looking after you. I hope things now get talked through and sorted with your step daughter.

Good luck xxx

stormsurfer · 27/07/2023 09:15

@ShellieL how are you today? Hoping things are continuing to improve for you.

Original poster
ShellieL · 27/07/2023 10:49

stormsurfer · 27/07/2023 09:15

@ShellieL how are you today? Hoping things are continuing to improve for you.

I’m not too bad.
Thank you.
Im throwing myself in to work right now. Until I feel stronger.

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 27/07/2023 20:46

Hi @ShellieL please look after yourself. You’ve been through a traumatic event only a few nights ago, don’t just forget about that and bury yourself in work. Are you getting some counselling?Flowers

Original poster
ShellieL · 28/07/2023 15:22

Just an update.
All good at the moment. Hopefully counselling starts in a couple of weeks.
Being very gentle on myself. Realise that there is an awful long way to go, but I’m not giving up.

OP posts:
Gunpowder · 28/07/2023 16:37

Good on you Shellie. Keep going.

octoberfarm · 29/07/2023 13:22

Keeping on going is a massive chunk of the journey under your belt. Still thinking of you, @ShellieL. I really admire how you're handling it all Flowers

WinedropsOnMoses · 29/07/2023 17:03

Great job @ShellieL xx

stormsurfer · 29/07/2023 21:41

Well done @ShellieL! Updates are so welcome!

Dani217933 · 04/09/2023 21:56

ShellieL · 28/07/2023 15:22

Just an update.
All good at the moment. Hopefully counselling starts in a couple of weeks.
Being very gentle on myself. Realise that there is an awful long way to go, but I’m not giving up.

How are you doing? X

Original poster
ShellieL · 05/09/2023 06:03

I am doing incredibly well. Thanks for asking. That night/morning was a turning point.
I asked for help and I got it. You were all lifesavers and I genuinely mean that.
my husband has had my back, constantly. I’ve started running 3x per week and I’ve lost well over a stone - small things, but it’s given me focus and allowed me to be properly selfish about what I will and won’t allow.
Clearly that night comes back to me - but I am so blooming thankful that it happened.
I am turning back into that happy and optimistic woman that I used to be.

OP posts:
IHadTheLasagne · 05/09/2023 11:21

Amazing @ShellieL. I'm so glad to hear you are feeling better and you have already achieved so much!Wish u all the best on your journey xx

LizzieSiddal · 05/09/2023 11:25

@ShellieL so pleased to hear your update. Onwards and upwards Flowers

sunglassesonthetable · 05/09/2023 13:17

🌻☀️

Choux · 05/09/2023 13:29

@ShellieL that sounds really positive. Well done for handling it so well.

One little point - you refer to it as you being 'properly selfish'. That may just be a spur of the moment word choice but you aren't being selfish. You are looking after yourself, protecting your mental health and putting good boundaries in place with those around you who have a tendency to overstep them. If you aren't bending to the will of others that doesn't make you selfish, it just means you are making sure your wellness is protected and your needs met.

Keep on going!

kizziee · 05/09/2023 13:42

@ShellieL so good to see your update. How important do you think the mirtazipine has been in how you are doing ?