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Original poster

Partners OCD

341 replies

ThankYouMama · 30/04/2023 20:53

I was just wondering is anyone here in a long term relationship with someone who suffers with OCD?

If so, I just want to know how you cope.

My partner was apparently diagnosed with OCD when he was 8/9 years old he is soon to be 25. He has recently completed 10 sessions paid of therapy, he was given some coping mechanisms and they were working, but now he is back to square one.

I am finding him extremely difficult to live with, I love him dearly and I don’t want to end things with him.

I am going to list a few of his habits below

•	Constantly cleaning/looking for something to clean
•	Obsessive showering.

He will shower first thing in the morning.
If leaves the house, he’ll come back and have another shower (basically, if he goes out three times during the day, that’s three showers)
Another shower just before he gets into bed, if he wakes up in the middle of the night he will shower again, then he’ll shower again the in morning.
Every time he uses the toilet (even for number ones) he cleans the toilet and pours bleach down it.
Bedsheets have to be changed every single day.
Me and our two children can’t eat or drink anything, anywhere within the house except for the kitchen and it must be at the table.

Above is just a few things, I could literally go on all night. I have spoke to a few close friends about this; but none of them understand, I’m always met with “you’re lucky to have a man without any dirty habits”

His obsessive behaviour is really bringing me down, I don’t think he is ever going to understand that his behaviour is NOT normal.

Just to avoid conflict with him, I leave the house at 8am each morning to take my eldest son to school, and I don’t return until I’ve collected him in the evening. I don’t want to live like this anymore, and at times he can be very disrespectful towards me, and put me down.

I’m not expecting a lot of replies, but I feel a tad bit better speaking out about it.

OP posts:
Botw1 · 03/05/2023 07:54

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matchalattewithsoy · 03/05/2023 07:58

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matchalattewithsoy · 03/05/2023 08:00

piedbeauty · 03/05/2023 07:05

You're contradicting yourself, @ThankYouMama.

Earlier in the thread you said he 'ticked every box' to be a father. Now you say

When I met him I was a few weeks out of my previous relationship, I just needed someone to get over the pain, I fell pregnant pretty quickly.

So which is true?

I'm calling bullshit.

Yep, me too.

If this is true the baby is better off with the grandma anyway, not the mother who is utterly clueless about the importance of secure attachment to a mother.

SpacePotato · 03/05/2023 08:01

Well you won't be the first or the last very young person to have an accidental pregnancy in a rebound relationship

She implied earlier that the pregnancy was deliberate and that she'd chosen the partner for that reason.

A young man who seemingly has never had to work.
It's like Made in Chelsea. Rich kids who do nothing.

Your DP was very young op, people grow up and your relationship doesn't seem to be what he wants but you can't let go.
It's damaging you both.

Why are you clinging so desperately to him?

My son is a happy child, he is not mentally distressed

Yet he's displaying behaviours that the school has noticed and needs therapy.

matchalattewithsoy · 03/05/2023 08:02

SpacePotato · 03/05/2023 08:01

Well you won't be the first or the last very young person to have an accidental pregnancy in a rebound relationship

She implied earlier that the pregnancy was deliberate and that she'd chosen the partner for that reason.

A young man who seemingly has never had to work.
It's like Made in Chelsea. Rich kids who do nothing.

Your DP was very young op, people grow up and your relationship doesn't seem to be what he wants but you can't let go.
It's damaging you both.

Why are you clinging so desperately to him?

My son is a happy child, he is not mentally distressed

Yet he's displaying behaviours that the school has noticed and needs therapy.

I don't think they're rich. This is 100% dodgy money.

Original poster
ThankYouMama · 03/05/2023 08:12

piedbeauty · 03/05/2023 07:05

You're contradicting yourself, @ThankYouMama.

Earlier in the thread you said he 'ticked every box' to be a father. Now you say

When I met him I was a few weeks out of my previous relationship, I just needed someone to get over the pain, I fell pregnant pretty quickly.

So which is true?

I'm calling bullshit.

It's not a contradiction, I contradiction would be saying one thing, then saying the complete opposite.

Yes, I did need someone to get over my previous relationship, replacement is my way off getting over loss!

He did tick all the boxes when I met him, I would never make myself available for just anyone, or the first person that approached me whilst out.

My partner has taken our son to school this morning, because he needs to take his mother to Costco, I am going to try and take the baby out alone for a few hours, I'm anxious thinking about it 😟

OP posts:
Original poster
ThankYouMama · 03/05/2023 08:14

@matchalattewithsoy

Very strange how you've just come here to make nasty comments, this is the last reply that you're going to receive from me, so you'll be talking to yourself, or other posters, but you certainly will not be speaking to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThankYouMama · 03/05/2023 08:18

Thehouseofmarvels · 03/05/2023 06:56

@ThankYouMama Well you won't be the first or the last very young person to have an accidental pregnancy in a rebound relationship. Did your ex that you got with him to get over, cheat on you? Could this be fuelling your anxiety that your current partner will cheat? If yes, are you able to discuss this with you therapist, parents, trusted friend?

Yes my ex cheated on me, there was proof!

I am 99% sure that my current partner has cheated on me, it's not in my head, you don't know him like I do.

If he does out sometimes he switches his phone off, he has too phones, he will not let me add him on social media. He is very handsome so he would find it very easy to get another woman to feel his needs. Like I previously stated, I do not deny him sex, but one thing I refuse to do, is perform oral on him (vice versa) I am aware of how men operate, if they aren't getting what they want at home, they'll for sure go and get it some where else.

OP posts:
Botw1 · 03/05/2023 08:22

What box did him being 17 tick?

SpacePotato · 03/05/2023 08:27

Yes, I did need someone to get over my previous relationship, replacement is my way off getting over loss!

You relationship with your DP was built on you getting pregnant, now looking increasingly like you did it to trap him into staying with you, not on any solid foundation.
How on earth could you have known a 17 year old was great father material?

I asked if you'd lacked love from your parents due to the fact you can't seem to cope with not being in a relationship, and being single, even if it's very clearly bad for everyone involved.

Original poster
ThankYouMama · 03/05/2023 08:30

SpacePotato · 03/05/2023 08:27

Yes, I did need someone to get over my previous relationship, replacement is my way off getting over loss!

You relationship with your DP was built on you getting pregnant, now looking increasingly like you did it to trap him into staying with you, not on any solid foundation.
How on earth could you have known a 17 year old was great father material?

I asked if you'd lacked love from your parents due to the fact you can't seem to cope with not being in a relationship, and being single, even if it's very clearly bad for everyone involved.

I thought I already answered that question, sorry.

No I didn't lack love from my parents, I grew up very spoilt.

Yes, I know that he is younger than me, but I didn't care at the time and I still don't now, no one has ever questioned his age and I also look younger for my age, so the age difference was and never is going to be an issue 🙂

OP posts:
HairyKitty · 03/05/2023 08:37

This is such tripe and I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks so.
If there’s any possibility this is reap OP please ring social services this morning and tell them everything

Botw1 · 03/05/2023 08:39

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Botw1 · 03/05/2023 08:40

I also don't believe his apparently loving parents didn't question him becoming a dad at 17.

Original poster
ThankYouMama · 03/05/2023 08:42

Botw1 · 03/05/2023 08:40

I also don't believe his apparently loving parents didn't question him becoming a dad at 17.

I am not here to listen to what you do and don't believe, if you are going to continue with this behaviour, I will have no choice but to ignore you.

Of course they weren't happy with him becoming a father at such a young age, but they accepted me and welcomed me into their family.

OP posts:
piedbeauty · 03/05/2023 09:05

He did tick all the boxes when I met him, I would never make myself available for just anyone, or the first person that approached me whilst out.

🙄🙄 Having sex with someone is totally different to deciding whether they'd be a good father for your children.

I'm sorry for your kids. If they are real.

Botw1 · 03/05/2023 09:08

What choice did they have?

Presumably they could see the car crash coming

Original poster
ThankYouMama · 03/05/2023 09:58

piedbeauty · 03/05/2023 09:05

He did tick all the boxes when I met him, I would never make myself available for just anyone, or the first person that approached me whilst out.

🙄🙄 Having sex with someone is totally different to deciding whether they'd be a good father for your children.

I'm sorry for your kids. If they are real.

Are you not aware that sex can lead to a baby? it only took us having unprotected sex once.

What are you going to say now? I should have had an abortion.

OP posts:
Dortmunder · 03/05/2023 12:04

HairyKitty · 03/05/2023 08:37

This is such tripe and I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks so.
If there’s any possibility this is reap OP please ring social services this morning and tell them everything

I did the right thing and reported but my post was deleted 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
ThankYouMama · 03/05/2023 12:17

HairyKitty · 03/05/2023 08:37

This is such tripe and I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks so.
If there’s any possibility this is reap OP please ring social services this morning and tell them everything

I beg your pardon?

Who are you to tell me to call social services, why on earth would I call them?

My children aren't in any danger, they don't need to be safe-guarding my six year old is a happy little boy, he doesn't suffer from anxiety or anything else.

Yes, he is following some of my partners habits, I've received my call back, and he is going to be assessed on Friday. I am so glad and grateful that I have money, because this is an easy fix 🙂

OP posts:
Thehouseofmarvels · 03/05/2023 12:34

@ThankYouMama So basically in order to cope with your previous break up you had to get a new boyfriend ASAP. Replacement to cope with a break up isn't a very good idea. The reason is that if you have low self esteem you might count on being in a relationship to feel like you have value. It might be that having no romantic partner makes you feel like you aren't valuable. Although she never admitted it directly, this is what lead to my partners mother trying to keep a desperately unhappy family together, having a breakdown when her partner left, then moving in a string of abusive boyfriends to avoid being alone. She basically had severe anxiety and self esteem issues. I would suggest you discuss the idea that you need to have a man around and need to replace any man that leaves, in therapy.

Botw1 · 03/05/2023 12:52

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JessieLongleg · 03/05/2023 13:00

I have very similar illness 10sessions is not enough. OCD never goes away but can east flare up. I've tried to cut the shower down instead change my clothes. Mainly as don't want to pass it down to baby even though he gets I'm a bit strange. Hate it when people make it about cleaning.

HairyKitty · 03/05/2023 15:04

Dortmunder · 03/05/2023 12:04

I did the right thing and reported but my post was deleted 🤷🏻‍♀️

Show quote history

Me too

Original poster
ThankYouMama · 03/05/2023 19:48

JessieLongleg · 03/05/2023 13:00

I have very similar illness 10sessions is not enough. OCD never goes away but can east flare up. I've tried to cut the shower down instead change my clothes. Mainly as don't want to pass it down to baby even though he gets I'm a bit strange. Hate it when people make it about cleaning.

Thanks for commenting.

Just waiting for my partner to visit to priory for his assessment, I'm so anxious 😬

OP posts: