Dumped by boyfriend after he invited me to spend Easter holiday with him at his parents’s house

[lovewarandroses]

Hey guys I was dumped yesterday by my boyfriend that I have been since January. Honestly he and I have been together since January and everything was going well until yesterday. So he invited me to go to his parents house for Easter holidays and I did ( his parents are not around they are in Spain ) so it was just me and him . I got to his parents house on Friday morning and we had a really good day and we became intimate in the evening and it was really good. We were intimate again yesterday morning but about 3 hours after he just switched on me quickly ( he started saying that we were moving too fast and he said he would like to take me to the train station so that I can go back to London) his parents lives in Kent. I was quite devastated and hurt to be honest as I had put so much effort in this relationship and not only that I was excited to spend Easter holiday with him ( we had so many things planned ahead) now I feel hurt, confused, devastated and upset at the same time. I feel like I have been treated unkindly ( he said he realised that we were just different and that me and him were not going to work in the long run) he was just all over me a few minutes before saying this. The whole thing was so bizarre and strange to me, how do I move forward from this ? ( why can’t I just find someone to like me for me, my self esteem has been hit by this) I really liked this guy so this is very difficult for me to process… I just feel like crying …. When i got home he called and messaged me apologising to me for hurting me and ruining my Easter holiday but unfortunately I still feel very hurt and I do miss him terribly ….

Sorry OP, you've been treated awfully. Block him and move on with your life.

"I have to say I find it bizarre on Mumsnet whenever women are going to leave a man most posters say 'you don't need an explanation to leave someone' and encourage walk away no explanation. This guy has given a perfectly reasonable explanation and is being honest that he doesn't think they are compatible and he's still getting grilled as being a bad guy."

I think I agree with this overall. Like you, I'd be mortified and crushed by the announcement that he wasn't into me and I had to go. I mean, dismissed or what? Ouch!
BUT yes...it would have been awful to keep up a pretence for days. I think he has been straightforward with you and also recognises that this event will have been really hurtful.
He sounds like a decent enough bloke in terms of being honest.

Have a hug. xx

I’ve dumped someone straight after sex. Basically we’d been together a year, and I just wasn’t feeling it any more. He’d not done anything wrong, but I wasn’t falling in love with him, and I knew it had to end sooner or later, I just hadn’t had the strength or push to do it. We had sex one morning - even though I knew I needed to end the relationship, I got caught up in the moment and just enjoyed the physical experience. But straight after I felt awful - like I’d betrayed myself and deceived him, by doing something intimate when my heart wasn’t in it. I ended the relationship there and then.

OP don’t torture yourself by wondering why. 3 months is a pretty standard time I think, to realise that you just don’t click with someone enough. Things that you overlook at the start become more significant when you’re wondering if you can live with them forever.

He wasn’t the one for you. There’ll be others who will be.

I would take him at his word. He was good enough to send an explanation which makes sense, so why wildly speculate? Other posters are likely projecting their own experiences. Sounds like he fell quickly for you but has now realised you are not quite what he thought for whatever reason. It won't be because he is wealthy and you aren't or that you're more outgoing.

Of course, it is not nice to he dumped mid weekend away, but would it be better to be dumped on Tuesday? He probably panicked a bit as it sounds like he realised the impact and tried to retract.

Anyway, I'm sorry this has happened to you. Onwards and upwards!

It could be he’s not feeling it but also he might have someone else lined up.

I’ve been dumped not long after sex, and when I had sex a few times with my previous boyfriend I soon realised we weren’t compatible there. It didn’t help that one time I was at his place there was a large photo of him and his ex in his bedroom which wasn’t there before!

Bet he will be back.

I have commitment issues due to past trauma and my brain will go into panic mode if I think things are moving too fast.

It sounds entirely possible that this has been the case with him.

It was probably the fact that you 2 had plans like a proper relationship over Easter that made him panic once you were there as he was enjoying himself too much.

I don’t think he should have said what he said, I think he should have made something up to spare your feeling and then in a couple of days say it isn’t working out.

Unfortunately if I am correct this means he may have strong feelings for you.
This will mean he will start apologising and wanting you back in his life and you will be constantly on edge wondering if he’s going to end things today or not.

He has told you he doesn’t want to be with you and so you need to listen to him and now block his number so he cannot contact you again.

Its ok to feel sad but give yourself a time limit and then force yourself to be happy and move on.

Make sure you don't get back with him if he comes back to you.

I had a couple of nights away with an ex and it was too much for him. We ended up breaking up soon afterwards. Like an idiot I took him back when he came crawling back a couple of weeks later. We went abroad for 2wks a few months later and lo and behold he dumped me again as soon as we got back.

He pestered me for months after I met my current partner.

OP, you were fine as his secret GF, but once you were on his home turf, his reservations became more pronounced. Sorry, its a money thing. Sorry!!! That's my take on it, from the info provided. I could be wrong.

I’m truly baffled at all these theories, looking for some sinister reason behind his actions - saying there’s another woman, or he’s got commitment issues, or whatever.

Every day thousands of relationships start and end, after varying periods of time, for a multitude of reasons. Breaking up with someone because after 3 months you’re not falling for them is really nothing strange. It’s crap for the person being dumped, but there’s really no need to dig deep looking for reasons. If we all loved each other after 3 months we’d all still be with our teen boyfriends, which I can guarantee most of us aren’t!

It's only been 3 and a bit months. If he's revealed himself to be a twat this early on, consider it a blessing.

He's made his point - he's not interested in getting serious with you.

Take the high road, have some respect for yourself, and block him on everything.

I was once dumped after attending a family wedding with a boyfriend (his family) about 6 months in.
he was totally fine with me then a few days later came round a bit jealous about something he misunderstood what I’d said about a friend.
then suddenly dumped me, basically saying he knew I wasn’t the one he was going to marry.

it was brutal and totally unexpected, unfortunately he didn’t just fully walk away as he liked me enough for that point in time and I was too blindsided by it all that I just clung to Any scraps he gave me.

i just couldn’t understand what happened and I wasted far too long on him.
please don’t do that, delete and block him. Walk away and take time to heal from it. You will find the one for you, I did.

Probably because everything seemed to be going well, they'd had a great day, had sex, had sex again and then suddenly he was dumping her and putting her on the train home. It's not really normal unless you've had a row or there was some indications beforehand. Unless it's really awful, you'd generally just make the best of it, enjoy the break and dump afterwards.

Hence I reckon he'd got another offer.

This happened to me the other way around one Easter weekend.

Had been seeing the guy since January. Went away to his parents for Easter and set off really looking forward to it. By Easter Saturday evening I just knew it would work - basically didn't really fancy him enough and was bored a lot of the time.

Unfortunately I did not have the strength of character to finish it, so limped on for months before inevitable break up. He's done you a favour, OP. From the tone of his follow up messages to sounds like a similar scenario to mine. Obviously not ideal, but part of life and doesn't make him a bad person.

It was a rough way to treat you.
You can't change the way a person feels, however.
You are well rid of this insensitive man.

Hopefully a keeper will come along.

Walk away, don't get into conversations, don't end up being his booty call. He obviously can't manage his feelings very well, so try to move on.

If I were you OP, I wouldn't respond to any messages from him now or if he messages again. Some people love drama and want you to be pining for them. Take back some self respect and just ignore him.

There was an epic few threads where the OP was dumped by text. She didn't acknowledge the text and just moved on with her life. A few weeks later he was going crazy texting her. Some people just hate to be ignored. It's best just to lick your wounds in private and give the dumper no satisfaction of seeing you hurt over them.

That’s so cliched (and lame).

Honestly don’t bother with put downs they only make the other person feel validated in their decision. It isn’t nice and it must be very hurtful for you. Let yourself process the hurt and then move on. Maybe see if there were any signs you missed/ignored that might help for future dating and protecting your heart.

He's used to being with you in London, where you're anonymous equals, perhaps it didn't feel right in his wealthy parent's home. Perhaps you didn't quite fit in. His loss.

This isnt about you at all. Sounds like his anxiety and pass experiences have made him bolt. Part of this will be pushing you away and hurting you as he’s scared of where the relationship is going.

Go no contact and he might message again in a week or so once he’s come round from this flight response. Or you might never hear from
him again.

If he does message you, you need to explain he’s hurt you. If he’s willing to share why he behaved the way he did and you were happy before I would be tempted to give him a second chance but only if he can be really open. What’s the past experiences, what’s he scared of and how you can both move past this. What boundaries can you put in place.

@Bivarb The legendry 'RunningInRain'

God no, she might as well write doormat across her forehead and prepare to be treated like utter crap.

It’s tough OP. But it really isn’t your fault. Just try not to pander to this guys ego anymore but telling him you are hurt or you miss him. If you hear from him again just say “on reflection we wouldn’t have worked, don’t give it anymore thought”

whilst it is hard it’s better to find out 3 months in that he is a bit of a shit, than in 6 months or a year.

Yes, I agree - or he thinks it's moving too fast. At any rate you've found out that he's a bit of a knob, so move on. Plenty more nice men out there, but maybe don't go on holiday with them before you know them a bit better.

Why would it not be real? 🙄