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Dumped by boyfriend after he invited me to spend Easter holiday with him at his parents’s house

236 replies

lovewarandroses · 09/04/2023 06:13

Hey guys I was dumped yesterday by my boyfriend that I have been since January. Honestly he and I have been together since January and everything was going well until yesterday. So he invited me to go to his parents house for Easter holidays and I did ( his parents are not around they are in Spain ) so it was just me and him . I got to his parents house on Friday morning and we had a really good day and we became intimate in the evening and it was really good. We were intimate again yesterday morning but about 3 hours after he just switched on me quickly ( he started saying that we were moving too fast and he said he would like to take me to the train station so that I can go back to London) his parents lives in Kent. I was quite devastated and hurt to be honest as I had put so much effort in this relationship and not only that I was excited to spend Easter holiday with him ( we had so many things planned ahead) now I feel hurt, confused, devastated and upset at the same time. I feel like I have been treated unkindly ( he said he realised that we were just different and that me and him were not going to work in the long run) he was just all over me a few minutes before saying this. The whole thing was so bizarre and strange to me, how do I move forward from this ? ( why can’t I just find someone to like me for me, my self esteem has been hit by this) I really liked this guy so this is very difficult for me to process… I just feel like crying …. When i got home he called and messaged me apologising to me for hurting me and ruining my Easter holiday but unfortunately I still feel very hurt and I do miss him terribly ….

OP posts:
Crazyshihtzulady · 09/04/2023 11:13

He's a mind game playing, time wasting idiot.

I hate men like this! they seem to get a sick sadistic ego boost out of messing people around.

He saw how much you liked him and decided to try his luck and mess with your head and heart, what a knob!

He will be like a cat with a mouse now thinking he can reel you back in with some stale breadcrumbs...don't let him do it!!

He will hate himself when he realises he's fucked things up with his sick little games lol

Stay strong OP please.

Happy Easter Xx

WakeMeUpInspring · 09/04/2023 11:15

Block him. What a heartless bastard.

You'll be fine. At least you've seen his true colours 3 months in, not 3 years.

Be kind to yourself and make nice plans.

WakeMeUpInspring · 09/04/2023 11:16

@amiold what do you mean? It's easy to understand. He's dog sitting in Kent while his parents are on holiday in Spain 🤷‍♀️

AprilFool23 · 09/04/2023 11:17

Very strange but whatever the reasons, he should be gone, permanently. Do not entertain him further if he tries to engage.

Nothing good is going to come out of this involvement for you.

Shitsandwiches · 09/04/2023 11:17

Don't let this knock your confidence OP - it's horrible but at least it happened early on and you're free x

KittyAlfred · 09/04/2023 11:22

I’ve dumped people in a way that may have seemed out of the blue to them. Just because it feels like you’re having a great time, it doesn’t mean the other person is feeling it as much. It’s like first dates. I’ve been on dates, chatted, laughed, no awkward silences - the perfect date. Then one or other of us says no to meeting again. Just because you have fun with someone it doesn’t mean you’re falling in love with them. And after 3 months, I’d be wanting to know that I was moving from liking to loving them.

in my experience, it can go like this. You meet someone, you fancy them, you like them, you think they’re interesting and funny, and you enjoy their company. There might be niggley little things you’re not so keen on, but you ignore them, because everything else seems good. You feel you’ve finally found a great person, you spend time with them, you emotionally invest in the relationship. But the niggley things are still there. You try and push them to the back of your mind, because by now you’ve met each others friends/family, made plans for a trip or whatever. You tell yourself you’re being silly. No point finding trivial faults with someone when everything else is great. You try and act normal with them, because you don’t want to raise these issues, as you’re hoping you can forget about them, so you don’t want to make an issue of it. But there’s a tipping point - suddenly you realise the niggles are real, and you feel dishonest if you continue the relationship, so you end it.

So as harsh as it sounds, by the time I break up with someone, I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and acting normal while I solidify the idea in my mind. I feel that is preferable to dumping them at the first sign of a minor problem, only to regret it a week later and want them back.

Daffodilwoman · 09/04/2023 11:26

I’d bin him off.
Tell him not to bother you again and then say it’s fine cos the sex wasn’t good and not up to what you want.
Then block him on everything.
Keep your boundaries high, put yourself first and keep things casual with the next guy you meet.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 09/04/2023 11:27

I remember being dumped a couple of days after a guy had told me he’d really missed after we’d not seen each other one weekend. He’d invited himself on holiday with me, was really caring and kind, amazing guy. I’d fallen hard for him in a very short space of time.

I was so confused and hurt and wondered for years what I’d done wrong. But I now know I’d done nothing wrong. It was just what it was. Sometimes things don’t work out but I think as women we automatically think it’s something we’ve done or not done.

Be glad he’s ended it rather than stringing you along or turned into a total shit I order to make you end it.

SoShallINever · 09/04/2023 11:30

Both of you are allowed to end a relationship at any point. It doesn't make the person who ends it a bad person.
Must have been a shock for you though when you were starting to build your hopes up that he was the one.
Have you got family or friends you can go to rather than spending the rest of the holidays alone?

IMustDoMoreExercise · 09/04/2023 11:31

I think it is probably because his parents would not accept you because your family is not wealthy.

I knew someone at school who was going out with a wealthy guy and his parents and siblings just would not accept her. She was perfect (pretty with a lovely personalilty) but he was under so much pressure to dump her.

JamSandle · 09/04/2023 11:34

This is horrible and I'm so sorry. Happened to me many years ago too. Years later I got an apology and explanation weirdly but by then they're a distant memory.

This will hurt but use all the emotion to push yourself forward. Do things that make you happy, spend time with people you like, the pain will lessen.

BellePeppa · 09/04/2023 11:34

Crazyshihtzulady · 09/04/2023 11:13

He's a mind game playing, time wasting idiot.

I hate men like this! they seem to get a sick sadistic ego boost out of messing people around.

He saw how much you liked him and decided to try his luck and mess with your head and heart, what a knob!

He will be like a cat with a mouse now thinking he can reel you back in with some stale breadcrumbs...don't let him do it!!

He will hate himself when he realises he's fucked things up with his sick little games lol

Stay strong OP please.

Happy Easter Xx

Bit dramatic.

BearKey · 09/04/2023 11:35

Had you been intimate before? As harsh as this sounds, could it be that he realised that you weren't physically compatible for whatever reason? Something similar happened to a friend of mine too, and it turned out that was the reason...

Summerfun54321 · 09/04/2023 11:35

The timing was really shitty but he's allowed not to like you just as much as you are allowed not to like him. No one is at fault when it comes to incompatibility. The main thing is you pick yourself up and carry on and find someone that is 100% right for you. Good luck.

neilyoungismyhero · 09/04/2023 11:37

amiold · 09/04/2023 06:33

Do his parents live in Kent or Spain? Is this real it doesn't make sense

Yes it's really hard to decipher the good old English language and make a sensible deduction isn't it? Blimey...Good job someone has explained it to you.

Thebigblueballoon · 09/04/2023 11:43

Quite a few people on this thread have asked you if it was the first time you were intimate, but you haven’t answered?

To be honest, I don’t think this guy is quite the knob a few people are making out. He’s explained himself and apologised to you, and judging by his texts he appears to feel bad about his decision. The timing was terrible, but at least he’s been honest with you.
I’d reply to his message simply to acknowledge it, then delete his number. Don’t be tempted to keep in contact or try to persuade him to come back.

Emotionalsupportviper · 09/04/2023 11:43

Zanatdy · 09/04/2023 06:28

That’s really hurtful and I’d be feeling the same as you. Funny how he was fine to have sex with you minutes before and then suddenly decided he had changed his mind. Very strange he would take you there and then back track like that. I’ve given up trying to work out now mens minds work. I’d guess there’s another woman on the scene as there usually is when men change their mind like this

. I’d guess there’s another woman on the scene as there usually is when men change their mind like this

I agree - and either she sold him to get lost, or he wants to keep OP as a back up for when he returns to England, which is why he's apologised.

I'm sorry OP - some men are just scum. You deserve better. Don't bother with him again because this will be repeated if you let it.

xLuz · 09/04/2023 11:44

I feel for you, this happened to me once. things were good one minute, dumped the next. I've had men lose interest in me before but that one time, it was such an extreme, it hurt so much. All I can say is that these fickle men should know themselves and move more slowly to protect their girlfriends from how fickle their feelings are but mostly they don't.

AuntMarch · 09/04/2023 11:45

UseOfWeapons · 09/04/2023 07:16

I agree with this.
I perhaps would also send him a message saying, ‘ Fine, you were shit in bed anyway! Bye!’ But I’m a bit of a cow.

I don't think he would care, I highly doubt he was worried about it being good for OP in the first place. It would also just prove she was upset, getting no reaction at all would bother him more!

JohnnyYenSetHimselfOnFireAgain · 09/04/2023 11:47

Sainsburysbunny · 09/04/2023 10:12

I'm going to go against the grain here and say..

I do feel sorry that your hurting... HOWEVER...

You say your confused but he seems to have given you a very clear indication that he's not feeling it anymore.

If the situation was reversed and you were on Mumsnet saying I'm on a weekend with BF but not feeling it anymore, most responses would be to dump the guy as it's kinder in the long run and to send him home.

I agree with the posters that say he's done you a favour. He's not right for you OP. You deserve someone who wants you and won't treat you like this.

I don't think it's a confusing situation, he's being really clear. And since you've only been together since January you seem to be coming across a bit strong that this is so out of the blue etc. It's still really early days.

I'm not posting to be mean. I do hope you move on from this quickly and stop hurting. Was just my honest opinion reading the thread.

I have to say I find it bizarre on Mumsnet whenever women are going to leave a man most posters say 'you don't need an explanation to leave someone' and encourage walk away no explanation. This guy has given a perfectly reasonable explanation and is being honest that he doesn't think they are compatible and he's still getting grilled as being a bad guy. And being confusing.

I agree with this in the main. However, I don't believe he didn't feel they were incompatible before they spent the night together. As far as I can see he wanted his night (and morning) of passion before dumping @lovewarandroses. If that's true he's a first class prick.

Livelifelaughter · 09/04/2023 11:50

I have heard that women need to feel an emotional connection to have sex and men need sex to have an emotional connection. I am so sorry OP. I think he may have been trying to see if he felt closer to you after intimacy but sadly did not.
When I was younger I thought you should wait a few months before having sex but actually now I feel you should just have it when it feels comfortable because it's a component in a relationship and a relationship needs to work on that level as well.

clvfc2c2023 · 09/04/2023 11:53

MsRosley · 09/04/2023 08:35

Look, OP, you need to face facts. No decent person does this to someone. No one. Yes, it's painful, but he's done you a favour. Move on.

Exactly this.
You dodged a bullet. You will find a nice guy.

WatieKatie · 09/04/2023 11:54

I doubt that you’ll ever truly know the real reason why this has happened.

You are going to feel absolutely devastated and there will be lots of tears. However hold on to the fact that it gets easier with time.

What he did what completely unacceptable and no way to treat you. You can now see him
for who he is.

You are worth more OP. Block his number, cry your tears and thank your lucky stars that you didn’t waste any more time with him.

Redebs · 09/04/2023 11:56

I wonder if he has mental health issues?

So sorry for you OP. Not your fault. Just don't engage further with him. I hope his comments about feeling awful are apologetic, not self-pitying. Never mind; either way you're better off ending this now.

Hopefully you were using effective contraception. I suggest getting STD checks too.

BadNomad · 09/04/2023 11:56

You've been together three months. Three. That is no time at all for getting to know someone. "I had put so much effort in this relationship" what does that mean? From what he's saying, it sounds like you've maybe been more enthusiastic about this relationship than he has been, and he has been feeling under pressure. There is nothing wrong with him realising that you two aren't going to be compatible long-term. And surely it's better that he ended it when he realised this, rather than lied and faked to you for the rest of the weekend. That would be more humiliating imo. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. It's not anything you have done or could have done. You're just not right for each other.