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Original poster

Aibu not telling new partner about diagnosis

534 replies

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 11:52

Iv been seeing a new guy for about 3 months now and things have been going great and I'm worried that if I tell him I have bpd he will leave. Aibu to keep this secret from him.

OP posts:
LaLuz7 · 30/01/2023 23:23

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 23:22

I'm 33

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Yet on another thread you were 46 just a few months ago.

And now you're 33 with 2 teenagers... yeah right

007DoubleOSeven · 30/01/2023 23:23

You are not a bad person, op, but your actions are bad and harmful. You need to stop and follow the advice of the professionals, which will help you find what you want in a healthy way.

Simulacra · 30/01/2023 23:24

XenoBitch · 30/01/2023 23:21

Being addicted to drugs and alcohol means you were not looking after them properly. You might not have abused them, but you certainly neglected them. Kids do not getting taken away for no reason.
I have BPD, and it is probably down to my own dad and his alcoholism.
If you have a baby now, you could well end up in the same cycle again.

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Addicts are always in denial about the abuse their children suffer.

Come downs, not having enough money to get whatever it is they want = rages = abuse in many forms. That’s just one problematic, abusive behaviour that comes from being an addict.

The sort of people they have around them + being out of it all the time leaves their children wide open to be abused by those people.

I could go on.

But I’m out. I’m tired of women like this.

LaLuz7 · 30/01/2023 23:25

Bpdqueen · 12/04/2022 20:38
Im 46 about 8 years left on mortgage, very small pension

So which is it...?

Original poster
Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 23:25

LaLuz7 · 30/01/2023 23:23

Yet on another thread you were 46 just a few months ago.

And now you're 33 with 2 teenagers... yeah right

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Was this thread also saying my children moved out. I don't like telling people my children were taken it makes them judgemental

OP posts:
Simulacra · 30/01/2023 23:26

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 23:25

Was this thread also saying my children moved out. I don't like telling people my children were taken it makes them judgemental

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And here we have more “woe is me” and not “my poor kids, what did I do to them”

Original poster
Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 23:27

LaLuz7 · 30/01/2023 23:25

Bpdqueen · 12/04/2022 20:38
Im 46 about 8 years left on mortgage, very small pension

So which is it...?

I had to give a reason to why I wasn't getting child benefits or universal credit and didn't want to disclose my children where taken

OP posts:
007DoubleOSeven · 30/01/2023 23:27

Telling the op she is a terrible person who has done awful things isn't going to help.

Simulacra · 30/01/2023 23:28

007DoubleOSeven · 30/01/2023 23:27

Telling the op she is a terrible person who has done awful things isn't going to help.

And saying “there there OP” as if she’s the victim in this will just reinforce her shit behaviour and encourage her to repeat the cycle.

CheekyHobson · 30/01/2023 23:28

I don't usually wish for threads to be proven to be wind-ups but I'm going to make an exception in this case.

LaLuz7 · 30/01/2023 23:29

CheekyHobson · 30/01/2023 23:28

I don't usually wish for threads to be proven to be wind-ups but I'm going to make an exception in this case.

Amen! otherwise it's just fucking tragic

LaLuz7 · 30/01/2023 23:30

007DoubleOSeven · 30/01/2023 23:27

Telling the op she is a terrible person who has done awful things isn't going to help.

but it's the objective truth, so...

XenoBitch · 30/01/2023 23:30

If anything, you have to tell this new man you have BPD, because when you get your own way and have a surprise baby with him, he is going wonder why SS are involved.

Original poster
Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 23:31

XenoBitch · 30/01/2023 23:30

If anything, you have to tell this new man you have BPD, because when you get your own way and have a surprise baby with him, he is going wonder why SS are involved.

I will tell him its just nows not the right time

OP posts:
LaLuz7 · 30/01/2023 23:32

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 23:31

I will tell him its just nows not the right time

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When will be the right time? When you're pregnant?

you're not fooling anyone

Simulacra · 30/01/2023 23:32

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 23:31

I will tell him its just nows not the right time

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You won’t tell him a damn thing. You will continue to lie, until it all comes out via SS.

CheekyHobson · 30/01/2023 23:33

OP, call your crisis team. You are deep in the middle of an episode but you can't see it.

007DoubleOSeven · 30/01/2023 23:33

CheekyHobson · 30/01/2023 23:33

OP, call your crisis team. You are deep in the middle of an episode but you can't see it.

Absolutely this.

XenoBitch · 30/01/2023 23:33

Walk away. For him, and for you. From the sounds of your posts here, you are not ready for a relationship. You have a ton of work to do on yourself, and one day you will get there with the help of your MH team.

gold22 · 30/01/2023 23:34

I really hope that this thread is a wind up or that you disclose all of this next time you see your support worker

Original poster
Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 23:34

CheekyHobson · 30/01/2023 23:33

OP, call your crisis team. You are deep in the middle of an episode but you can't see it.

I'm not in an episode iv never been happier people just don't like to admit people can change

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 30/01/2023 23:35

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 23:34

I'm not in an episode iv never been happier people just don't like to admit people can change

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People who are well do not trick their partner into a pregnancy. People who are well do not say they will kill themselves if their partner leaves them.

Workbaseddrama · 30/01/2023 23:36

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 23:34

I'm not in an episode iv never been happier people just don't like to admit people can change

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If you firmly believe this then please show your care co this thread.

Simulacra · 30/01/2023 23:37

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 23:34

I'm not in an episode iv never been happier people just don't like to admit people can change

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You’re changing alright, just not in the way you think. You’re deteriorating, not getting better.

007DoubleOSeven · 30/01/2023 23:39

LaLuz7 · 30/01/2023 23:30

but it's the objective truth, so...

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The op is unwell. Bpd is a trauma based condition like cptsd.

Furthermore, telling her how awful you believe her to be won't achieve anything except give vent to your own feelings. If you want her to encourage her to stop what shes doing you need to respnd from a place of empathy. I understand thats hard,but sufferers of bpd often have overwhelming feelings of shame and the op is trying to build herself a good life. She's going about it the wrong way, yes, but making her feel worse about herself will not help.