Aibu not telling new partner about diagnosis

[Bpdqueen]

Iv been seeing a new guy for about 3 months now and things have been going great and I'm worried that if I tell him I have bpd he will leave. Aibu to keep this secret from him.

He's a good guy I really don't think he would abandon his baby

Again, you don’t know that. You’ve already neglected and/or abused your other children, not much of a leap that you’d do the same to a newborn who is a much higher source of stress.

@Bpdqueen what happened with your other children? Are they adults who have moved out?

You've had not one, but two kids taken away from you. They want no contact with you now. That makes it clear what you say cannot be true. Stop lying to yourself.

You don't know that. You have not known him long enough. A baby is also a lifelong commitment. Is it fair that you are tricking him into that?
You are trying to trap him by having a baby, and also by the emotional blackmail of threatening suicide if he leaves.
Both are manipulation. He does not need to read up on BPD and be scared off to find out about it as you are already doing it.

Their teenagers they got put into care about 5 years ago. I don't know where they are now

I take back everything I posted before. OP you are loving the attention obviously. You know you are not stable and making horrible dishonest choices. Tell him so he has a chance to get out before you really mess him about and fuck with his head. And no way should you be having a child, but you know that. No child deserves the turbulent life of a BPD mother. It's cruel.

The fact you do not know where they are, and you can't see them, means you are not ready to have another child.

Have you told him your kids were taken into care?

No I told him they were older and just moved away I didn't go into detail

Not knowing where they are and not being allowed to see them, given their ages, is huge. You quite clearly did awful things to them before and during the care proceedings because it’s very rare that is ordered with older children.

@Bpdqueen if you had a son who had a new girlfriend and found out that she was actively trying to trap him by secretly trying to get pregnant, after only 3 months, and that she knew that at times she could be incredibly challenging to be with, what would you say to your son?

And you’re aware that SS will inform him this absolute bullshit, right? Your entire history will come out. SS and medical and criminal.

So you have an established history of lying to him. Op this is not going to end well for you.

I'm genuinely not trying to be this awful person I just want a second chance and a proper family. I love dp so much that the thought of him not being around hurts so much. Iv never loved someone this much

The start off right by telling him the truth! If you really want a fresh start then this isn’t the way to go!

You know exactly what you are doing.

You need to work things out with your existing children before you bring more into the world. You owe them that.

I didn't do anything to my children they was taken because of my mental health drug and alcohol abuse and because of other relationships I was in

As the child of a mentally unwell drug addict, I can assure you that you absolutely did do awful things to your children over an extended period of time. Don’t fucking insult me and others like me. The complete lack of self awareness does not surprise me, though.

Apparently OP is 46. Maybe we can relax a little about the possible pregnancy

I do understand that, op, and have deserve those things. I'm a stranger and yet I would like you to have those things, too.

However, what we are telling you, what we are trying to get you to understand, is that you're not just going about it the wrong way but what you are doing is going to achieve the complete opposite of that. The lies and behaviour to trap him, the choices you make to make him stay with you by removing his ability to feel he can walk away, is going to destroy your hopes for the future, not grant them.

Please stop what you're doing now. Re-engage with your clinical team, take the meds, come clean to your bf, use contraception. That way you can build a healthy, happy relationship which lasts.

Being addicted to drugs and alcohol means you were not looking after them properly. You might not have abused them, but you certainly neglected them. Kids do not getting taken away for no reason.
I have BPD, and it is probably down to my own dad and his alcoholism.
If you have a baby now, you could well end up in the same cycle again.

You chose to do drugs and abuse alcohol. That didn't justa happen. You chose that and your children suffered as a result. It's on you.

I'm 33