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Original poster

Aibu not telling new partner about diagnosis

534 replies

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 11:52

Iv been seeing a new guy for about 3 months now and things have been going great and I'm worried that if I tell him I have bpd he will leave. Aibu to keep this secret from him.

OP posts:
Simulacra · 30/01/2023 22:21

XenoBitch · 30/01/2023 22:19

You are not in therapy and have take yourself off your meds. You surely know that is a recipe for disaster? You said you already have kids... has anything changed? If you have a baby, then they may well be taken from you.

It sounds like you are well too invested in this new relationship to a point that it is detrimental. BPD always "shines" when it's sufferers are in a relationship. Is why I stay single.

Same with my brother, his brain just cannot cope with it.

Original poster
Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:25

Simulacra · 30/01/2023 22:20

Kids don’t want (and if that’s the case, likely for good reasons) or you’re not allowed?

If any of my male relatives had a severely mentally unwell girlfriend that they barely knew, who got pregnant without his consent, and already had two children removed, I would absolutely support them in them gaining residency of the child, because SS will 100% swoop in during pregnancy.

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Nobody would be taking the baby as we will be together raising it. My other 2s dad's both left me this bf is completely different

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 30/01/2023 22:28

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:25

Nobody would be taking the baby as we will be together raising it. My other 2s dad's both left me this bf is completely different

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Does this new BF know you want a baby right now, and that you have come off the pill?

Simulacra · 30/01/2023 22:29

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:25

Nobody would be taking the baby as we will be together raising it. My other 2s dad's both left me this bf is completely different

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A man leaving you does not equal SS removing your children unless YOU are a danger to them. Don’t talk rubbish. You are the problem here. If he did leave you after you sperm jacked him, it wouldn’t surprise me and he wouldn’t be to blame.

Original poster
Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:29

XenoBitch · 30/01/2023 22:28

Does this new BF know you want a baby right now, and that you have come off the pill?

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He doesn't know but he says he loves me and wants to be with me.

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 30/01/2023 22:30

Men leave mothers all the time, and the mums are left with the baby. Social services do not swoop in on them, because they cope. There is a reason your previous children were removed from you, and it is not because you were single.

Youraccountisnolongervalid · 30/01/2023 22:30

That’s really not something you can tell 3 months in (or ever).

LaLuz7 · 30/01/2023 22:31

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:29

He doesn't know but he says he loves me and wants to be with me.

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It's absolutely despicable to trick someone into impregnating you when they haven't consented to it. You should be ashamed

XenoBitch · 30/01/2023 22:31

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:29

He doesn't know but he says he loves me and wants to be with me.

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That does not mean he is ready to be a dad. He might not even want kids. Is that something you have even discussed?

SandraCumin · 30/01/2023 22:31

Please do not have a baby, you need to take a step back and assess the situation and not do anything rash.

LaLuz7 · 30/01/2023 22:32

SandraCumin · 30/01/2023 22:31

Please do not have a baby, you need to take a step back and assess the situation and not do anything rash.

No evidence she wouldn't be anything other than an amazing mother, ey? what that what you said?

Simulacra · 30/01/2023 22:33

I’m hoping that, being as OP claims in another post that her kids have “moved out” that they were removed years ago and are now adults who refuse contact, which means OP is in the far less fertile years.

Unfortunately, it’s more likely that her kids were removed within the last few years and this is just the first “it’ll be different this time” replacement baby that will be removed at or shortly after birth.

SandraCumin · 30/01/2023 22:35

LaLuz7 · 30/01/2023 22:32

No evidence she wouldn't be anything other than an amazing mother, ey? what that what you said?

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She could be an amazing mother and I truly believe that, but she needs to step back and reassess what is happening here. There is a chance she could be left without anyone to help her raise the child if the man takes off and leaves her.

Stability is what she needs more than anything and there’s no guarantee of that from what I can see.

Simulacra · 30/01/2023 22:36

SandraCumin · 30/01/2023 22:35

She could be an amazing mother and I truly believe that, but she needs to step back and reassess what is happening here. There is a chance she could be left without anyone to help her raise the child if the man takes off and leaves her.

Stability is what she needs more than anything and there’s no guarantee of that from what I can see.

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You are naive and ridiculous. People like this can’t even be a basic parent.

Original poster
Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:37

Anyone saying I'm tricking him into getting pregnant is completely wrong he's happily having sex with me and knows there's always a chance of pregnancy

OP posts:
Original poster
Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:38

Simulacra · 30/01/2023 22:36

You are naive and ridiculous. People like this can’t even be a basic parent.

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So you don't think I deserve a second chance to show I can be a good mum

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 30/01/2023 22:39

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:37

Anyone saying I'm tricking him into getting pregnant is completely wrong he's happily having sex with me and knows there's always a chance of pregnancy

Does he know you want to get pregnant? If not, you are tricking him.

LaLuz7 · 30/01/2023 22:39

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:37

Anyone saying I'm tricking him into getting pregnant is completely wrong he's happily having sex with me and knows there's always a chance of pregnancy

No, he thinks there is a very tiny change of the pill failing. That is the risk he consents to. He is not consenting to full unprotected sex where the changes of pregnancy are astronomically higher.

You are deluding yourself if you think this is justifiable in any way

He will hate you if you trap him into a pregnancy so early on

Teaandtoast3 · 30/01/2023 22:40

This would be your third chance from what you’ve said.

Simulacra · 30/01/2023 22:40

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:37

Anyone saying I'm tricking him into getting pregnant is completely wrong he's happily having sex with me and knows there's always a chance of pregnancy

Which if you were taking the pill would be about 1%. Currently it’s an almost 100%, depending on your age and if he’s fertile or not.

It is not the same thing. It’s nothing short of sexual assault.

Original poster
Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:41

XenoBitch · 30/01/2023 22:39

Does he know you want to get pregnant? If not, you are tricking him.

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He doesn't know but he could wear a condom and chooses not to

OP posts:
LaLuz7 · 30/01/2023 22:41

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:38

So you don't think I deserve a second chance to show I can be a good mum

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Not under these circumstances, no. You need to get your illness under control first and make sure he is the right person for this, which takes much longer than 3 months.

Simulacra · 30/01/2023 22:41

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:38

So you don't think I deserve a second chance to show I can be a good mum

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You are starting this “second” chance by

  • lying about your MH
  • lying about your other children
  • lying about being on the pill

So no, you don’t.

007DoubleOSeven · 30/01/2023 22:41

LaLuz7 · 30/01/2023 22:39

No, he thinks there is a very tiny change of the pill failing. That is the risk he consents to. He is not consenting to full unprotected sex where the changes of pregnancy are astronomically higher.

You are deluding yourself if you think this is justifiable in any way

He will hate you if you trap him into a pregnancy so early on

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This exactly.

You are doing everything wrong to keep this relationship- your actions will destroy it.

XenoBitch · 30/01/2023 22:42

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:41

He doesn't know but he could wear a condom and chooses not to

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Does he think you are on the pill?
If so, and you are lying about taking it.. you are tricking him?