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Original poster

Aibu not telling new partner about diagnosis

534 replies

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 11:52

Iv been seeing a new guy for about 3 months now and things have been going great and I'm worried that if I tell him I have bpd he will leave. Aibu to keep this secret from him.

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 30/01/2023 22:02

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 21:59

Well I stopped taking the pill a few weeks ago so what will be will be

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Can I ask why you have done that? Are you trying to get pregnant?

Original poster
Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:02

XenoBitch · 30/01/2023 22:01

How do you know?
You still have an extensive MH team looking after you. That is not a sign you are coping.

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Because I finally have a good partner

OP posts:
Original poster
Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:04

XenoBitch · 30/01/2023 22:02

Can I ask why you have done that? Are you trying to get pregnant?

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I really want to be a family with him and I know he wouldn't leave me if we have a baby together

OP posts:
AndyWarholsPiehole · 30/01/2023 22:05

That's how it was with my first 2 this baby would be different

A good stable mother would not threaten suicide if her partner leaves her.

Do your children live with you?

XenoBitch · 30/01/2023 22:06

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:02

Because I finally have a good partner

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It has been 3 months. That is very early days. Certainly not a time to be even thinking about having kids.

Workbaseddrama · 30/01/2023 22:06

You've been with him 3 months. Take a step back. If your best friend came up to you and told you what you've written in this thread what would you say?

When are you next speaking with your care team? Can you show them this thread and ask their views on how you're currently presenting based on what you're posting?

LaLuz7 · 30/01/2023 22:06

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:04

I really want to be a family with him and I know he wouldn't leave me if we have a baby together

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So I take it he doesn't know you've gone off contraception...

Original poster
Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:07

AndyWarholsPiehole · 30/01/2023 22:05

That's how it was with my first 2 this baby would be different

A good stable mother would not threaten suicide if her partner leaves her.

Do your children live with you?

No they don't but this time would be different

OP posts:
007DoubleOSeven · 30/01/2023 22:08

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:04

I really want to be a family with him and I know he wouldn't leave me if we have a baby together

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This is a really, really bad idea @Bpdqueen !

Surely you know this is the bpd talking? You can't trick a man into staying with you, it's not healthy, it's morally wrong and thus won't be a relationship built on mutual love and respect.

You need to tell your medical team this is what you're doing and you must tell him you've come off the pill.

XenoBitch · 30/01/2023 22:08

So, after 3 months, you love him. You have come off the pill, and want a baby. You think if you have a baby, he wont leave you.
If he leaves you, you will kill yourself.

What part of any of that is healthy? You do not need to tell him you have BPD.. it sounds like he is going to find out the hard way. I feel sorry for him.

007DoubleOSeven · 30/01/2023 22:09

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:07

No they don't but this time would be different

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It doesn't sound like it will be because you're not facing up to your condition or taking responsibility.

Workbaseddrama · 30/01/2023 22:09

You also need to tell your care team about your desire for a baby. I assume you're also off your MH medications if so this could be why you're behaving erratically

LaLuz7 · 30/01/2023 22:10

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:04

I really want to be a family with him and I know he wouldn't leave me if we have a baby together

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How do you know he wouldn't leave you anyway? men walk away from their children every day. They divorce the mothers of their children every day.

Nothing is a sure guarantee to keep a man. And gambling with a baby's life is a very selfish thing to do

AndyWarholsPiehole · 30/01/2023 22:11

Well, kindly, you need to put your existing children first. Concentrate on getting well so you can be positive influence in their lives.

Teaandtoast3 · 30/01/2023 22:12

This baby will be NO different because you’re clearly still unwell. Sorry to be blunt but this thread is doing absolutely nothing for you. You aren’t listening.

Original poster
Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:14

Workbaseddrama · 30/01/2023 22:09

You also need to tell your care team about your desire for a baby. I assume you're also off your MH medications if so this could be why you're behaving erratically

I stopped taking my meds because I don't need them anymore. I'm finally happy for once

OP posts:
Workbaseddrama · 30/01/2023 22:16

Can you please do us all a favour then? Please show your care-co this thread.

LaLuz7 · 30/01/2023 22:16

Aren't you afraid you'll relapse now that you're off the meds, which will mean you won't be able to hide your condition from him much longer?

Original poster
Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:17

LaLuz7 · 30/01/2023 22:16

Aren't you afraid you'll relapse now that you're off the meds, which will mean you won't be able to hide your condition from him much longer?

No I don't think I will things are good right now

OP posts:
Simulacra · 30/01/2023 22:17

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:07

No they don't but this time would be different

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No, it won’t, and don’t get me started on how it’s beyond gross that he thinks you’re on the Pill and you’re not. This is not how people in relationships decide to have a child. Does he know you have children that aren’t in your custody?

Original poster
Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:18

AndyWarholsPiehole · 30/01/2023 22:11

Well, kindly, you need to put your existing children first. Concentrate on getting well so you can be positive influence in their lives.

My kids don't want anything to do with me I can't change that. I just need a fresh start

OP posts:
LaLuz7 · 30/01/2023 22:18

I really really really hope he finds this thread before it's too late :(

LaLuz7 · 30/01/2023 22:19

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:18

My kids don't want anything to do with me I can't change that. I just need a fresh start

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No. What you need is to stop creating humans that you will be unable to care for and will traumatize for life

XenoBitch · 30/01/2023 22:19

You are not in therapy and have take yourself off your meds. You surely know that is a recipe for disaster? You said you already have kids... has anything changed? If you have a baby, then they may well be taken from you.

It sounds like you are well too invested in this new relationship to a point that it is detrimental. BPD always "shines" when it's sufferers are in a relationship. Is why I stay single.

Simulacra · 30/01/2023 22:20

Bpdqueen · 30/01/2023 22:18

My kids don't want anything to do with me I can't change that. I just need a fresh start

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Kids don’t want (and if that’s the case, likely for good reasons) or you’re not allowed?

If any of my male relatives had a severely mentally unwell girlfriend that they barely knew, who got pregnant without his consent, and already had two children removed, I would absolutely support them in them gaining residency of the child, because SS will 100% swoop in during pregnancy.